Most PIE'd Content
Posted by itsghardy on 04 June 2013 - 10:56 PM
Posted by SCP on 04 December 2013 - 11:44 AM
After a warm-up against the Bucs we head down to the worlds largest crapper to face a Vic.din thief, his disgustingly fat-slob sidekick, and their pet mole. The game has been flexed to a primetime matchup which will give Taint fans an extra few hours to crawl out of the swamp and spend their FEMA checks on liquor and meth. Sean Payton will not have to get up early on Sunday so he can spend Saturday night in the French Quarter popping pain pills and showing his pucker face to the thousands of Spaniard transvestites dancing around in face paint and jean shorts. They will dress up like mimes and clowns and carry their stupid ass umbrellas and chant their incoherent Who Dat drivel which was conveniently stolen from another shithole town upriver in Ohio. The town is full of fake wanna-be Marie Laveau’s pretending to cast voodoo spells in their voodoo stores which are basically Wings filled with shittier merchandise. It makes me smile to know that 90% of the poop and piss in the Midwest flows south down the Ol’ Miss through the center of New Orleans before heading out to the Gulf. As much as I travel in the Midwest that means I have directly contributed approximately 8,000 lbs of corn filled human feces into the New Orleans public water system over the last 9-10 years.
It’s almost embarrassing but New Orleans is home to only one Fortune 500 company. In 2012, Time & Leisure magazine named New Orleans the #2 "America's Dirtiest City", down from a #1 "Dirtiest" status of the previous year. So apparently one or two locals decided to poop inside instead of directly on the street. Progress! And if you want to get murdered, plan a trip to New Orleans.
Meanwhile, the football team that was destined to move to San Antonio before Katrina hit has started to win a few games and all of a sudden you’ve got idiots with fleur de-lis hats popping up around every corner. Last year they were claiming that the Taints were going to hoist the Lombardi on their home turf and shove it up Gordells ass. Well, after we swept that ass that poo wasn’t going to happen. We pressured Brees with Sione fugging Fua. Now we’ve got real men manning the middle. It’s going to be an epic battle in the Rape Dome this Sunday night. But that fat little center, De La Puente, has got some beasts coming to town, and they are bringing hell with them. Cam is going to run all over that weak ass defense and will pass right over the top. Meanwhile our d-line is going to knock that mole/birth-mark thing off Drew’s face and into that cesspool of a pond, Lake Pontchartrain. There it will attach itself to one of my turds and slowly sink to its final resting place, just like the Saints season.
Posted by SCP on 13 November 2013 - 04:19 PM
Son of a bitch if we didn’t go out to San Fran and steal the 49ers gold. The last time I was this excited was when Olestra hit the market place and fat free Doritos were invented. Fat free fat? I was sold! I assume the knee buckling cramps I experienced after eating the olestra laced Doritos are kind of what 49er fans were feeling when Thomas Davis drilled Kendall Hunter to cause that fumble. Alas the 24 hour rule has come and gone and I have savored the flavor. Fortunately it’s easier to move on from the 49ers than it was to get those poison Dorito crumbs out of my chest hair. So onward we go to play what is without a doubt the most important game for us this season, the next one. A Monday night showdown against Gisele’s husband and the Patriots.
I’m kind of perplexed about what to expect on Monday night. I’m almost certain I am going to see a poo ton of Patriot "fans" at the Bank. 99% of them are probably Red Sox fans because of that crappy Jimmy Falon movie Fever Pitch. 99% of them probably think New England is a US state. 99% of them probably think Ben Affleck should have won an academy award in Gigli. I’m certain the uptown parking lots are going to be packed full of Honda Odyssey’s with those stupid stick figure family stickers on the back window and "Red Sox Nation" bumper stickers next to a Miami Heat NBA Champ license plate frame. And I am 100% certain that if you ask 10 of these people to tell you who Steve Grogan is, they will all look at you with a blank set of eyes and a slacked jaw. I anticipate the number of "Keep Calm and Chive On" t-shirts to increase ten fold in uptown on Monday night. Most of the people we will see are probably from our neighborhoods and root for the Tarheels or Blue Devils in basketball. These sad little people are caught up in the Patriot bandwagon and most can’t help it because they seek to be a part of something that they feel is bigger than they are. I mean in Fever Pitch, when Jimmy Falon is down in St. Petersburg going crazy for the Red Sox, who didn’t want to join Red Sox Nation? The same can be said about the Ugg wearing douchebags that live in Charlotte and hate on our Panthers and turn their allegiance to a team a thousand miles away. Who doesn’t want to be a part of rooting for a team from Foxboro, MA that won a few Super Bowls? But tread lightly folks, because these people know as much about the Patriots as a certain Saints fan knows about the silky texture of a woman’s labia. Just like putting peanut butter on your sack to entice Mr. Bigglesworth is easier than trying to meet a real woman, it’s easy for these people to root for a team that is constantly being jerked off by the national media. They can suck it on Monday night but soon enough they will be Panther fans.
So come Monday night when these sellouts are trying to out-cheer the loyal Panther fans, we will rise to the occasion. Fua is out and Dan Connor is back. Coach Boomhauer needs more than two weeks to prepare for a Fua-less Panthers team. Shane Vereen and Stevan Ridley will meet Luke and by the end of the game will be calling him father. We are going to exploit that Patriots defense by running it up their ass. Nate Chandler is the next hall of fame guard and will open holes wider and deeper that Vincent Wilforks belly button. Tom Brady is going to need Gisele to wipe his ass after the Kraken and CJ smash the organic poop out of his metrosexual cornhole just as Star and KK come off the top rope like the Road Warriors. If we can somehow pull this off, it’s going to be a fun ride.
Posted by itsghardy on 07 December 2013 - 09:59 PM
Hello everyone, how has everyone been? Well it is xmas time and some children who do not have much are in need! I am panning out the details now but the 17th at North lake mall I am going to donate some jackets and I want as many people who can to come out to my coat drive. Just letting everyone know if I am not on here before hand please look at my twitter for the news updates on this @itsghardy (with info like when and where) I will be raffling off some autographed things as well to help the cause!! I'd appreciate as much support as possible and I promise you these children will as well! Happy holidays! #krakenout #panthernation #leggo
if you are not local PLEASE tell ten people and go out in ur local community and give a jacket or something to a kid in need!
Posted by PhillyB on 23 September 2013 - 06:44 PM
After two weeks of abject disappointment and the brewing cumulonimbus cloud of infuriating mediocrity and status-quo apathy casting shadows over the Carolinas, the defensive sledgehammer and offensive curb-stomping we laid on the Gaints has this fanbase at a collective level of giddiness unprecedented since week one of the Ron Rivera era.
That said, there are plenty of doubtful twinges impinging the onslaught of unbridled joy. We've seen this before: good game against good team followed by bad game against bad team and the inevitable regression to the mean. Doom has been derailed, but skepticism is still chugging along at top speed. Choo fuging choo. We still suck. Right?
WRONG!!!!! Lend me your ears, for I present to you a dozen reasons why it's an absolutely wonderful time to be a fan of the Carolina Panthers. And so without further gilding the lily, and no more ado, I give to you:
(12) This distraught New York Giants fan, a Lysol-toilet-bowl-cleaner-blue turd floating in the pristine electric-blue-and-silver punch bowl of the Carolina endzone, following Cam's first rushing touchdown of the year.
(11) Deangelo Williams and the Carolina running game.
Much-maligned running back Deangelo Williams is back to the 5.0 ypc form that defined his early career and had people comparing him to Jim Brown as recently as last season before Hurney's firing exposed the level of incompetence in roster management in a way that most of us had never before considered. Angst turned into improperly-directed rage, and every preseason Deangelo draw play into a wall of interior pressure for no gain had most of us ready to trade him to the CFL for a couple of right-guard-sized eskimos. Instead, three games in:
1. LeSean McCoy -------- PHI - 62 attempts, 395 yards
2. Doug Martin ------------ TB - 73 attempts, 297 yards
3. DeAngelo Williams ---- CAR - 62 attempts, 291 yards
4. DeMarco Murray ------ DAL - 58 attempts, 286 yards
5. Adrian Peterson ------- MIN - 69 attempts, 281 yards
Yes, you read that right. DeAngelo Williams is the league's third-leading rusher, and that's with Cam Newton taking designed runs that might've otherwise gone to him. Granted we're stuck with his crippling contract, but there's nothing we can do about that, so the second best thing is him performing like a top running back, and that's exactly what we're getting.
Oh and Tolbert should hit his stride over the next games - right about the time we get bruiser Jonathon Stewart and Darren-Sproles-esque Barner lining up in the backfield.
(10) Our kicking game.
A year or two ago we were stabbing ourselves in the eyes every time Olindo Mare missed an easy game-winner or Medlock looked like Lauren Silberman or we were watching in shrieking horror as Brad Nortman shanked a routine punt out of bounds for a twenty-yard net at the worst possible moment in a game. And suddenly, holy hell, is that a 53-yard field goal with room to spare? Is that a deep, high-hanging punt? (he's gone from 32nd in the league in punt yard average to a respectable sixteenth in the space of a single season, leapfrogging half the NFL in the process.) Mother of God, consecutive touchbacks through every game this season?
Both players are young and talented, and if they keep up this measure of consistency they could easily stay with the team for the rest of the decade (or longer.) As many times as special teams miscues involving kicking or punting has been a problem, this is a development that should have all of us shitting our pantaloons with excitement.
(9) Jerry Richardson may be newly focused on winning over profits.
Granted this one is a stretch, and I may be reading too much into things, but after last year's debacle against the Cowboys and last week's debacle against the Bills, Richardson received an obscenely high level of negative fan feedback. Last year he followed the debacle by firing Hurney. In week three this season, perhaps following the current of letters stuffing his mailbox like Kurb's and mine, he skipped his normal powwow with visiting executives and instead chose to mingle quietly with players before the impending showdown.
This picture should give you the chills. Maybe we're turning it around from the top.
photo credit: zod
(8) Cam Newton and the progression of lockerroom cohesiveness.
Since April 2011 we've had an influx of red-faced children invading these boards and spewing strawberry poptart crumbs as they scream about maturity, chemistry, attitudes, and winning (four elements which they share the distinction of collectively knowing nothing about.) However, as Cam has progressed as a quarterback and as a human being, we've seen a transformation. It's tangible - you can see it in his face, in his pressers, on the field.
A few days ago we heard a story that seemed to encapsulate the change: Thomas Davis popping into the weight room where Cam was lifting by himself, asking if he was ever going to join the team. This moment seemed to be a catalyst: Cam himself admitted that he thought he was giving the impression of being dedicated and focused, but realized that he was alienating the guys he fought with on Sundays.
"Like looking at yourself as a high schooler," Cam said, introspectively, a touch of disbelief in his voice when comparing himself now to himself as a teammate two years ago. "You can't relate to it." And we've seen that transformation before our eyes. It was visible Sunday. Remember all the accusations last year that Cam was just sitting down instead of celebrating with his receivers?
photo credit: zod
...yeah, those days are over. Cam loves his guys and his guys love Cam, and we're seeing it on the field. We're seeing it in celebrations. We're seeing it in selflessness: look at Smitty, ball-hungry, insatiable Smitty, joining the celebration, craving the win over personal stats. And we're seeing it in a suddenly new ability to overcome adversity, the lack of which was a hallmark of the early Cam Newton-led Panthers. It's a beautiful thing.
(7) Agent 89.
You know what, let's talk about Steve Smith.
He's been marginal this year statistically. He grabbed a touchdown against the Seahawks in our season opener, but he's only averaged about 50 yards a game and hasn't made any of the big downfield plays we're accustomed to seeing. And yet Steve looks more confident, more content than we've ever seen him, and no less hungry or focused for it. What gives?
Well, his role on the team is changing. Smitty is 34, and he's suddenly synthesizing his dynamic outside play and uncanny ability to snag those first down comebacks on the sideline with a high number of snaps playing out of the slot. This is directly attributed to Ricky Proehl, whose role as a mentor for Steve Smith during his early years with a team has picked up right where it left off. I'm convinced he's the reason we've seen this subtle, but important, change in Agent 89.
So is that it? A feel-good story capped off by an 700-yard season?
Doubtful. This offense is finding its rhythm and gotten progressively better week to week. Ted Ginn Jr. has emerged as a legitimate deep threat, and he'll be worked into the lineup with increasing snaps if he continues to play like this, and defensive coordinators will take note. LaFell silenced critics last week, getting open with eye-popping consistency against the Giants secondary and posting the first two-touchdown game of his career. Olsen will continue to flourish; he's quietly on pace to break 1,000 yards this season.
All of these things bode well for Steve Smith. Mercurial, incendiary, and the quintessential milquetoastal antonym, he'll not be counted out, and as the Panthers get hot he'll be leading the way.
(6) Speaking of offense, we're on pace to put up 23 points a game.
Three games isn't a very large sample size. It's unlikely we routinely drop 38-burgers on teams, but I'd argue it's even more unlikely that we drop 7-Quinoas anymore. With the talent on this roster it isn't unreasonable to expect four to five touchdowns a week between the running and passing game, and suddenly we've got a kicker who can make long field goals barefoot with his eyes closed.
pair this with:
(5) a defense allowing twelve points a game
...and suddenly you've got a very dangerous football team on your hands. Twelve points, bitches. That defensive line is stifling. That linebacking corps is blowing up runners in the backfield. That secondary is locking down the likes of Hakeem Nicks and causing coverage sacks, or forcing interceptions, or fumbles... take your pick.
This means statistically we'll double our opponents' scores down the stretch if we can keep this up. And leading the way and making all this possible:
(4) Star Lotulelei and the defensive line.
Where do you even begin on this? Greg Hardy? Unstoppable sack streaks. CJ? A penchant for sack/fumbles and a perpetual motor. Short? Grabbed his first sack Sunday, constantly slipping in between guards and ruining plays before they develop.
Fua? You know what, forget about, just watch this video
Note in particular Star's sack:
Yes, that is Star reaching around the center with one arm, grabbing onto Eli with one hand, the lineman still in front of him, and subsequently dragging him to the ground.
With one hand.
(3) The upcoming schedule favors the Panthers.
That's right, our horrendously difficult schedule is taking a leave of absence just about the time we're getting hot. We've got the Cardinals, Vikings, Rams, and Buccaneers coming up; if we play up to our averages in scoring/defending these should be easy wins. The first three have statuesque quarterbacks that should be prime targets for our marauding front four, and the Bucs... well... they're the Bucs.
The toughest game in that stretch is the Vikings; assuming we can beat them, it's not unreasonable to expect to face the Falcons as a 5-2 team.
Five and fuging two.
(2) Speaking of schedules, the NFC kind of sucks right now.
Oh hey look, the Falcons and Packers have the same record as us! That's right, two perennial playoff/superbowl contenders are 1-2, with the same record as the Panthers. Oh hey look, so do the San Francisco 49ers, who narrowly lost the superbowl last year. Half the NFC East hasn't won a game, the Vikigns are winless, the Rams and Cardinals look like trash.
This means the wildcard race is wide open; assuming we keep a hot streak here we are set up nicely to compete for the division title, falling at worst to a wildcard berth. Keep pulling against anyone else challenging for the division lead (except for us, obviously) because parity works to our advantage right now.
(1) These threads dominating the Giants message board the night after we shut them out.
and the best of all:
After handing two years of complete morons on these boards it's kind of nice to see meltdowns happening somewhere else for once, and knowing we caused them. Schadenfreude is just so much fun.
Posted by Phinisher on 20 November 2013 - 10:11 AM
Good morning my fellow Carolinians!!!!
For those who know me, you know me around here as "Henne Given Sunday" or now as "The Phinisher"
For those who don't know me. I am a lifelong Dolphins fan, who moved to the great Queen city back in 2008.
Can you believe it's been 4 years since that Thursday night game where Miami squeeked one out and held off Delhommes desperate come back?! That was fun though!
Every 4 years the Miami Dolphins and The Panthers duke it out. Here we are again. I wanted to bring some perspective on this game from how I see it as I watch both teams rather closely.
Let me start off with thank you. Thank you for doing that to New England. Man I love seeing Tom Bradys vagina chin dripping with slobbering goo as hes yelling like a bitch to the ref for not fisting him another bullshit call in a game. Boy if it was Foxboro you know that flag would've stayed. Brady probably cried for 5 hours while Giesel responded to hate mail on his uggs sponsered fan-site.
Now its on to Miami!
Why Miami Will win:
- Its 39 fuging degrees here in Charlotte...........in Miami? 80 at 9:50 in the morning!!!!!!!!!! On Sunday it will be a high of 80, probably humid and sticky. Miami wears white on whites at home, so you all will be in dark uniforms, in a 1pm game. Coming from South East Russian weather here in charlotte, thats going to be a big hit of STANK to the face when you get off the plane
- You are high as a kite right now after two big wins. You have the big bad Saints in 2 weeks, and Miami on a short week, non-divisional, non-national tv game has all the signs to a let down.
- Ryan Tannehill is playing pretty good right now. No Sophmore slump for this kid. He has 3 interceptions at the end of games from hailmarys, take those away and he's got a very impressive td/int ratio for a kid with limited experience. Mike Wallace leads the league (or is close) in drops, and Tannehill has missed his target on multiple deep balls, but thats bound to correct itself soon, and if you guys for some god moses noah reason can't reach Tannehill on a couple plays, I don't see a DB on your roster that worries me covering Wallace.
- Our defensive front 7 is pretty scary too. Cam Wake is a fuging monster. The original Kraken. Dude got healthy 2 weeks ago and is on a tear. Randy Stark, Paul Solia and Jared Odrick can stuff the run and rush the passer. Dion Jordan is all over the field. We bounced him from DE to Middle linebacker last week in the middle of Phillip Rivers cadence and he called a timeout. Blew his fuging mind. Dannell Ellerbe and Phillip Wheeler rush the passer good and cover well. Gates had a couple of catches last week and a short TD, but we held him mostly in check.
- Brent Grimes will be on Smitty, and he knows him well. Grimes is healthy and playing at his 2011 pro bowl level he was playing at with the Falcons. Hes locking guys down, picking off passes, scoring TDs and all over the field. He looks so short, but the dude has the athletic ability of a god damn cheetah warrior!
- Lamar Miller in space is dangerous. You guys miss a lot of tackles, that happens Sunday and Miller will break a couple.
- We lose to crap teams....but beat good teams. We have lost to Tampa, Buffalo and Baltimore. But we've beat Cleveland, Atlanta, Cincy on national TV and Indianapolis on the road, even stopping Andrew Luck on a 4th quarter come back. We usually show up against good teams for some dumb reason that makes me want to murder a boy scout.
Why Carolina Will win:
- Cam Newton is a man beast of silver and black. He's literally a man panther. Panthro. He scares the living jesus out of me.
- We couldnt block 4 mentally challeneged kids on roller skates right now. Richie Incognito is suspended, probably punting a puppy somewhere. Jonathan Martin is at a gay bar getting paid to do it. Will fuging Yeatman was our only hope and he tore his ACL washing his legs in the shower.....we are starting at left guard Sam Brenner (who was on Dallas' practice squad during halloween) and Nate Garner at Center (unless Mike Pouncey comes back). Your front seven will need two seats each on the airplane to Miami...one for them to sit, and one for them to place their boners from being so excited about going against this offensive paper bag....er....I mean line.
- Ryan Tannehill needs help. Our running game average 5 inches per carry against Tampa Bay......no I did NOT type that wrong. 5 INCHESSSSSS PER CARRY!!!!! Against Tampa. The skin diseased leporsy patients. FML
- Our defense tackles about as good as those same mentally challenged kids on roller skates....exept put them on an ice rink. Yeah. Terrible. Phillip Wheeler makes me miss Channing Crowder....hes that bad against the run.
- We are the Dolphins. We just got into the playoff hunt at 5-5 we always choke when the going gets tough. Incognito should've spent more time toughening up this coaching staff instead of worrying about Jonathan Martins gay ass.......and yes I really think hes gay. That will never come out. But hes gay.
So there you have it. Hope you enjoyed as much as I enjoyed typing it. After the game Ill continue to root for the Panthers, especially against the Saints and that twat QB with the super continent Pangea on his face!
Posted by Dex on 19 November 2013 - 09:35 PM
What's up motherfugers. This is going to be boring but I don't give a fug I had a great time.
Friday November 15th
Feeling like a fuging sack of poo. Long ass week that seemed to be dragging because of the game. I'm tired as fug but I'm like fug it I wanna go for a run. Get about 5 yards down the street and sprain my fuging ankle.
Doctor's is too expensive and ain't no buddy got time for the fuging poo. Only won thing was on my mind... Getting on that plane Sunday morning and there was no fuging whey it wasn't happening... Oh and calling out of work Saturday and watching Dexter.
Saturday November 16th
Sunday November 17th
Didn't sleep last night. Dozed on and off between 11 and 430 am. Stay in bed refreshing the Huddle every one or two minutes hoping for a new thread. I see SuperJ's name and throw my phone across the room. 6 am I get out of bed and head down to D&D to get a cream cheese bagel.
Moving on. I'm all fuging packed and ready to go. I'm leaving on a fuging jet plane and I'll be back again on fuging Tuesday. We get to the airport at about 11am and decide to get some food cause the flight isn't for another couple hours. Oh and by we I mean my fuging Patriot's fan girlfriend.
I go the bathroom to take a leak. A security guard disreguards the 1-3-5 rule and decides to take #4. This concerns me but I squeeze the fuging lemon and come out to find my girlfriend changed the background on my phone to a stupid fuging selfie and took off my Greg Olsen lucky wallpaper.
This angers me. I tell her she has jinxed my team and doomed them to irrelevance for eternity. She reminds me Jimmy Clausen had his mom invest in a energy drink pyramid scheme and he shamelessly promotes it on his twitter. I said "that's good but not enough." She reminds me of her fellatio skills. I pick up our bags and start moving to the terminal after I change Greg back.
Airports are fuging miserable but I stand in line waiting for the time to come. They check my fuging bag even though it meets requirements. fug you LGA.
Wheels up Charlotte here I come.
We get to cruising altitude and it's pretty fuging sweet once we get above the clouds.
The fuging flight attendant comes around asking me if I want a fuging juice like I'm a little kid. The conversation went along the lines of something like this.
Flo - "Would you like a beverage sir? We have water, soda, juice -"
Dex - "Do you have alcohol?"
Flo - "Yes sir we have-"
Dex - "I'll take whatever's strongest and a cup with ice."
That's moar like it. But wait, what is that off in the distance?
Charlotte....? Is that you?
So anyway Douglas is a fuging shitshow with 8 flights arriving and only one baggage claim section working but we find our poo and hail a fuging cab.
Our cabbie was a nice guy and told us a lot about the city. But fug that poo you wanna get to the game right? Well it's going to be a while. We arrive at the Upton Sheraton formerly the Blake Hotel and settle in with an afternoon fug and a $5 water from the hallway vending machine.
Usual poo but not a bad room at all.
So anyway we freshen up and head over to the Epicenter and Wild Wing Cafe to catch the rest of the 4:00 games. Service and food was great but the atmosphere could use a chainsaw. Bahston fahcking accidents everywhere. fug you Pat's fans.
Buffalo Chicken Dip & Chips
Cheesy Jalapeno Bacon Fries
Anyway moleface wins so I get mad and we decide to go on a walk around Charlotte in the rain to see some poo.
King Kemba! (UCONN Fan)
This fuging thing! Anyway I get tired and pass out halfway through SNF. The day I've been waiting for has arrived...
Monday November 18th
I woke up at the exact time the sun fuging broke across the horizon. I knew today was going to be the fuging day. So my girlfriend and I decide I need an undershirt for my jersey because it might get a little chilly later. I call her a weak woman but agree so we go to Target and get me an undershirt while grabbing some breakfast at Starbucks. Also fun little fact. I was amazed at this.
In Connecticut only package stores and groceries can sell alcohol but it was everywhere I turned down here. It also just became available for purchase on Sundays a few months ago. (Thank God)
So anyway we do the 3 S's and head over to BoA early to go to the Team Store and see the sights before the game. Also weather earlier in the week called for a shitty fuging day. But it was absolutely gorgeous all day!
We walk for about 20 minutes and then I see it in all of it's fuging glory.
I almost teared up(comes later) seeing her. We walked along the "Observer Wall" which was pretty cool then make our way down to the stadium.
The place is absolutely fuging beautiful. The cats were sweet and made my girlfriend's legs quiver. Actually they may have made mine quiver but whatever moving on to quite possibly my favorite part of the trip.
I may come off as a dick in this but Sam Mills is my favorite Panther of all time and when I saw him and touched his statue it damn near truly brought me to tears. I'm a film major and a script I'm writing is inspired by his story and will be dedicated to him and his honor. My grandmother has been fighting breast cancer for the last 3 years and has taken everything that it's thrown at her and said "fug you, you're not keeping me down". The "Keep Pounding" slogan may mean a lot to us as Panther fans but it carries a greater meaning that can be shared by anyone that's ever been affected by cancer or even any hardship in their life. Love and miss you Sammy. RIP.
Now onto the Team Store! I was one of the first in line!
Didn't spend a whole lot.
- 8 Keep Pounding Bracelets
- Keychain for mom
- Gameday Pin
- Growl Towl
- Sideline Winter Hat
All in all it was great seeing the stuff I wanted to see at the stadium while I was sober. Saw a few more sights and then headed back up the hotel to get ready, geared up and head out to meet a couple fellow Huddlers at a tailgate.
Carp24000 PM'd earlier in the week and told me to stop by the tailgate he goes to. He said $10 all you can drink and eat. Really starting to fall in love with this city. So my girlfriend and I start making our way across the city Kuechly/Edelmen jersies side by side. Got some strange looks but whatever. So we get to the tailgate behind The Doghouse right next to the stadium.
It was an awesome fuging tailgate. Hung out with Carp and his buddy for about and hour or so drinking beer, taking hots, eating and playing cornhole. Then that's when the second Huddler arrived. Your Girlfriend's Favorite Huddler. The "Tucker Max" of the Huddle who's girlfriend is also coincidentally a Pat's fan but he left her home like a bawss. So we all hungout for a couple more hours and got shithoused then proceeded to make our way into the stadium around 7pm.
Also I just want to say Carp and YGFH are two of the coolest and nicest guys I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. Hope to see you guys next time I come down!
Here it is. Finally for the first time ever I see the field. My fuging sanctuary. Words couldn't describe my emotions.
Anyway met our seatmates both Panther's couples (who were both awesome all game making noise and standing up) then proceeding to hike back down the mountain for beer and Bojangles before the Veteran's ceremony began.
By the way BoA was LOUD basically all game and really filled up halfway through the ceremony.
Last minute fans scurrying to get in.
Very classy ceremony by the way with the building lit up with the American Flag and the field as well.
Alright now I'm not going to commentate the game. I didn't take any pictures (superstition) so will just fast forward to the end.
As soon as we saw Mitchell running around we knew we won and BoA fuging ERUPTED. It was incredible, I burst out crying into my girlfriend's arms and people immediately took out their cameras and took pictures of me and her kissing and hugging. Man card revoked and I don't care.I really wouldn't have changed a thing about my first trip to BoA. Fans were great to my girlfriend, Huddlers I met were awesome, I got to see the city and our Panthers won. I look up into the stars because I was fuging drunk and couldn't find the building with the V on it and wept some more. Hadn't had this feeling since 08 and if you never had it then I can't explain it to you.
Dude above almost ruined the picture fug him! But anyway we stayed for a while they started to make our way down. Here's my drunk ass trying to start a "let's go Panthers" on the ramps.
Tuesday November 19th
So that was my trip and it really was something special. To the victors go the spoils.
(Giselle was in the bathroom.)
So wheels up Huddle it's back to Connecticut to rub the win in all my Patriot fan friend's faces. Thanks for the time of my life and lets keep this streak going.
Posted by Zod on 22 September 2013 - 06:09 PM
This day was different. Jerry was not playing host. Instead, he got out of his cart and made his presence felt in the end zone during warm up drills. At one point I thought he was in danger of being hit by an offensive linemen, but he didn't budge. As they players walked to mid field, Jerry Richardson stood there stoically.
The result was the biggest lopsided victory in Panthers history. The Panthers fired on all cylinders and finally gave fans a glimpse of what is possible with this team.
The defense posted a shutout as I began to actually feel a little sorry for young Eli Manning. Eli frequently decided to hit the dirt before contact was made, a wise decision on his part.
This was the defense that we all dreamed of this offseason. An unrelenting group of men determined to devastate their opponent.
In fact, some of their hits knocked the Giants offensive players cleanly off their feet.
The biggest question mark going in to the game was the Panthers secondary. Thomas Davis challenged them to make a play. The front seven was doing their part, it was time for the secondary to step up and contribute. Melvin White, a rookie out of Lafayette, did so in convincing fashion. His interception of Eli Manning some would say put the nail in their coffin.
On offense we saw the Cam Newton of old. A Cam Newton not afraid to run the ball. A Cam Newton without the leash that Mike Shula had placed on him for two games. It seems the Panthers remembered they have one of the most exciting quarterbacks in the league, and called plays accordingly.
Cam did have an interception (pictured below). Credit the Giants defense for getting in his face and forcing Cam to throw off his back foot. That would be the last time the Giants defense did something worth mentioning.
The Panthers rushing attack also found its mojo once again. Deangelo Wiliams rushed for 120 yards.
Mike Tolbert was not as effective in terms of yards, but very effective in spelling Deangelo and making sure the Giants defensive interior stayed winded.
One thing I pointed out in the pregame was that Cam would need to spread the ball around if the Panthers were to win this game. While it is strange not seeing Steve Smith on the top of the receiving stats, it is for the best.
Brandon Lafell finally got a pair of Cam Newton touchdowns, and was congratulated by #1 in epic fashion...
Tedd Ginn Also snared a touchdown...
and promptly rewarded a lucky fan.
But to me, the play of the game was the Cam Newton QB sneak for the touchdown.
For weeks we have been calling for the Panthers to use Cam on short down yardage. You have a huge and hugely talented quarterback, why would you not run him for a short quick gain? Apparently Mike Shula heard our cries and turned him loose. The result was sustained drives and 7 points.
Once Cam scored that touchdown, I could literally feel a huge weight being lifted off of his shoulders for him. He gave a yell that was more serious than campy. more genuine than contrived. It was pure unadulterated joy, and it was fantastic.
After the game Cam was called over by Eli Manning and exchanged a few pleasantries with him. Cam was all class and wished him the best of luck the rest of the season.
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Posted by Zod on 01 September 2013 - 09:14 AM
Friends, Huddlers, Carolinians, lend me your beers.
This week begins anew the NFL Season. A time in which our hearts and minds turn from beaches and bikinis to large sweaty men hitting one another on a field of plastic grass. A time when Sundays no longer mean mowing the lawn just to escape the horrors of our pathetic domesticated existence, if only for a moment.
I submit to you on this day that football is our liberation. This week, we take back our balls.
First up on our schedule and inevitable road to glory is the provincial town of Seattle. This suburb of Vancouver is best known for its god awful weather, foul coffee, and a music genre named after the stuff you clean out from betwixt your toes. While not discussing the intricacies of Twilight, Seattle residents are known to try their best to acclimate to American culture by watching our national past time, football.
This Sunday, the Seattle Seahawks fall victim to the Carolina Panthers and serve as a sacrifice to the gods of football. Their inferior cast of players, while heralded in the media, are nothing more than paper puppets pathetically perpetuating the practice of pomposity.
Men, look at their shiny unblemished exterior. I say beneath that vomit green veneer is weakness. Weakness is meant to be exploited.
And exploit it... we shall.
This season the Panthers have put together a group of individuals whose skills mesh into what will be known as the greatest team of all time.
The leader is a wise statesman who formulated the plan. Once a great player himself, he now provides the wisdom necessary to guide his team to victory.
On offense is a smooth talking snappy dresser whose grace on the field makes winning seem effortless. A man the ladies want and the men want to be. One might say he is the face of the franchise
On defense a leader has emerged whose gameplay seems both amazing and insane all at once. The way he throws himself at defenders forces some to wonder if he may be a slight bit crazy.
The muscle is provided by a man so angry and feared that he has become legend. Cross him, and your foolishness will be pitied.
Ladies and gentleman, while the Seahawks can be considered a B team, the Panthers are the A-Team.
I love it when a plan comes together.
Panthers 24 - Seahawks 17
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Posted by SCP on 25 October 2013 - 10:41 AM
Now we have to turn our focus to I-85 south and the proverbial shithole of the South. It’s fitting that when reviewing submissions for the new Falcon stadium, Arthur Blank approved a design resembling a puckered sphincter muscle. It’s inspiring when architecture can tell a story about the city you’re visiting and its something that I appreciate when I travel. The precision and excellence of the architecture in ancient Greece implores you to appreciate the workmanship and pride of the Greeks. The skyscrapers reaching to the heavens in New York City that stretch the limits of man’s ability to design and construct speak to the relentless pursuit to achieve greatness. Then you have Atlanta. What a better way to tell the story of Atlanta and the Falcons than by choosing a big butthole to be the landmark sport venue in the heart of downtown. Speaks volumes, no? When that thing is finished in three years they should hand out a commemorative roll of toilet paper and a tube of Preparation H to the first 20,000 fans in attendance. I assume the stadium naming rights will go to Depends Undergarments or Ex-Lax since the Falcons and Matt Ryan poo the bed so much when it counts.
We have a local Charlottean that’s popped up on the message board of late who claims hardcore Atlanta Falcons fanhood. I thought I’d provide some stats since his Matt Ryan jersey probably still has the Kohls tags on it. The Falcons have been around for almost 50 years and their overall record is 312–402–6. They are 7-12 in playoff appearances and have been to one Super Bowl. My Panthers are 135-159-0 and are 6-4 in playoff games and have also been to one Super Bowl. So shut your piehole when you speak about the Falcons being this superior franchise. The Falcons haven’t done squat. Matt Ryan and Mike Smith choke harder than Andre Rison teaching a finance class. You claim "Dirty Bird" and now "Rise Up" as battle cries. Rise Up actually makes sense since so many Falcon fans are used to hearing "Please Rise" when the judge enters the court room at their arraignment hearing.
Come next Sunday after the Shitbirds lose to the Cardinals in the desert, they will make the trip up to Charlotte. Thank God Fua has been inactive but Atlanta’s o-line is so bad Fua could probably make a highlight reel film for his Canadian Football auditions. If CJ’s groin proves to be healthy I expect our front 7 to wreak havoc on Howdie Doodie all fugging day. That ugly ass Julio Jones is out so shut down White and bust Gonzalez in the mouth at the LOS and things should go well. Atlanta’s defense doesn’t have poo to stop our dynamic QB and this offense. Suck it Falcon fans. 85 South bitches.
Posted by SCP on 21 October 2013 - 02:36 PM
So on to the Sunshine State we go. I'm sure when Otis Redding wrote his classic song Sitting on the Dock of the Bay he wasn't envisioning a smelly 400 lb. offensive lineman with a flesh eating disease called MRSA. Pack your Lysol, pack your Purel, bring your body condoms, drink a bunch of Airborne, hide your kids, and hide your wife because we are heading to the land of ass pirates and MRSA outbreaks. Don't worry about contracting anything from Bucs fans because they will not be anywhere near Ray-J on Thursday night. Antibiotics won't help with MRSA so avoid contact with Donald Penn's fat ass if you see him in line at the Golden Coral sucking down fried Okra by the pound and dipping meat loaf squares in the Chocolate Wonderfall. They signed Revis, one of the best man coverge DBs in my lifetime, to a huge deal and play him in zone. Brillant! They blitz on victory formation plays. They apparently don't wash their hands after they poop so their facilities are living, breathing petri dishes for things like dysentery. Their fans think dressing like a pirate is cool and they have cool pirate names on their message boards like Swashbuckler and TimmyTheAssPirate. I kind of remember when it was cool to dress like a pirate but that's back when I was 9 and carrying around a plastic pumpkin and begging strangers to throw my fat ass a mini Snickers bar. Fugging popcorn balls got their ass egged. I mean seeing some loser dressed as a pirate pull up to the game in his 2002 PT Cruiser with the "Arrrgh!" vanity license tags and the "Surrender Your Booty" bumper sticker does not instill fear in any man. You know the guy I'm talking about. He makes regular appearaces on To Catch a Predator and Cops. It makes me want to grab him by the collar of his puffy pirate shirt and throw his white trash ass back into his Hillsborough County meth house.
The Glazer family has thrown a tone of money around lately on names like Jackson, Revis, Golson, and Nicks. Big fugging deal. Maybe they should invest in a name like Chlorox. Unfortunately they also hired a squishy faced twit as a coach who's more worried about proving he is a bad ass than winning games. Captain Munnerlyn's short ass is going to climb Vjax like a lumberjack while our D-line forces that Napoleon Dynamite look-a-like QB of theirs into making duck fart throw after duck fart throw. At halftime, Donald Penn will be calling that Apple Cart Roof Cleaning guy to pressure wash the poop out of his jock strap after The Kraken knocks the fat out of his man tits. Last time I called on Fua to be the hero he disappointed me. I think he steps up to the plate on Thursday and disappoints me again. Star and KK are going to make their pressence known and our offense is going to score just enough to get us a W.
Posted by SCP on 16 October 2013 - 09:15 PM
The next opportunity for our Fightin' Rivera's to cram a suppository up the asses of Panther Nation is this Sunday when the St. Louise Rams come to The House that Bo-Berry Built. You know, there is not much smack to talk about St. Louis. The residents are friendly, the women are hot, they love BBQ, and sweet tea was first made there at the State Fair. Also, I am a bit jealous of St. Louis because if I lived there, every morning I would walk down to the Mississippi river, grab a tree branch, dangle my ass over the edge,and take a poop just for the satisfaction of knowing that my turd would float down stream and end up diluted in the New Orleans drinking water system.
St. Louis has long mired in the shadow of Kansas City and is best known for the world's largest McDonald's arch rising from the polluted banks of the Mississippi. Known as the Gateway to the West, this structure sticks out like Wilford Brimley raising his hand to answer a question in an English class full of Bosnian refugees. St. Louis is considered the bastard child of a more-or-less shitty part of America's heartland. 350 years ago a couple of wandering Frenchmen decided to stop at the banks of the ol' Miss to perform felatio on one another. Such a grand time was had that the two men decided to name their little riverside slice of heaven, St. Louis, after King Louis IX of France. How nice. Now, a few centuries later thanks to the Louisiana Purchase, St. Louise is part of the United States and is the car jack capital of the MIdwest and has nothing to show for iteself but a few shitty Nelly albums and the St. Lunatics. Obviously St. Louis Rams fans are few and far between so I do not know any to formulate an opinion on. I know they can barely fill that convention center stadium they play in and will probably relocate for the 4th time, but who am I to judge. I suspect most of them work at Walmart or clean shitters at the myriad KOA Kampgrounds and Waffle Houses that smatter the Missouri country side. Sure, St Louis has given us some greats like Maya Angelou and Mark Twain, but they also taketh away by giving us Ike Turner's wife beating ass and remaining in the top 5 for most violent crime plagued cities in America. St Louis natives also lead the nation in eBay purchases of those Teva strap shoes and denim fanny bags. One more little known fact, St. Louis is the one city in America where I have not taken a poo.
As far as the game goes I am hoping that my Panthers show up for consecutive weeks for the first time in the Chico Era. However, my faith in Ronald is about as strong as my faith in my ability to get laid again if the wife ever divorces me, The Rams coach Jeff Fischer, who bears a striking resemblence to Jimmy Hart, is the rules committee guru and pretty much has an incestuous relationship with the league and NFL VP of Officiating, Dean Blandino. So any hope Ron has of getting a call here and there is out the window. I am rather uninspired this week but will have my 8 year old son at the game with me so come hell or high water it will not be a wasted day.
Posted by itsghardy on 04 June 2013 - 11:26 PM
Peppers dont want this bruh
Posted by Zod on 19 November 2013 - 07:04 AM
In what became one of the most exciting and inspiring game in years the Panthers ultimately defeated the New England Patriots,
The night began with fireworks during the national anthem. The entire evening was a dedication to the military and their families.
Earlier in the week I predicted Steve Smith, despite being covered by Talib, would make an impact in this game. Almost immediately 89 began to remind Talib why Smith is known as one of the toughest players in the game.
Talib, while helpless to stop Steve Smith resorted to trying to twist his ankle after the play. The result was a Patriots penalty which energized the crowd more than in recent memory.
In fact, the Patriots played the dirtiest football I have ever witnessed at Bank of America Stadium. After each play they were sure to get in extra kicks and hits.
The Panthers, however, play between the whistles and sometimes even offer a helping hand to the opposition once the play is over.
Cam Newton had, in my opinion, one of the best games of his career. Without his elusive running ability and sure handed passing, the Panthers would not have been in this game.
However, the thing that I liked most about Cam last night was his presence and leadership. Each week, Cam is getting more comfortable in his role as a leader on this team. Last night, he led a clutch game winning touchdown against a solid team.
Brandon Lafell doesn't seem to get much credit from the media, but this season he has turned out to be a legitimate threat in this league.
No one is happier about the emergence of 2nd and 3rd receiving threats more than Steve Smith, who understands while he may not be getting the number of catches the team is getting the wins. After the Tedd Ginn game winning touchdown Steve was sure to celebrate with Ginn. It almost looked like a passing of the torch...
Thomas Davis had a monster night. It would have been difficult to photograph a defensive play without him in the frame.
Luke Kuechly was in a chess match with Tom Brady all evening. For a second year player to go toe to toe with one of the greatest QB's of all time speaks volumes to Luke's ability before and after the snap.
During the last Patriots touchdown, you could feel the energy collectively let out of the stadium. Immediately there were concerns the game may be lost. How ever, Cam Newton was having none of that.
And put together a solid scoring drive.
Once the defense took the field for the last time the game was within reach. The Panthers defense harassed Tom Brady with the most pressure he had seen all night long,
In the end, Robert Lester intercepted a ball as Tom Brady cried foul.
After the game, Bill Bellichick was man enough to shake the hand of Ron Rivera...
but Tom Brady was no where to be found. In a completely classless move, Brady headed for the tunnels without shaking hands with Cam Newton.
But you know what? Cam wasn't even mad.
And even did a victory lap, administering high fives to his fans who stayed until the very end.
What a great night to be a Panthers fan.
Posted by Lilsmitty09 on 22 October 2013 - 09:03 PM
Before the game I also had to go meet one of the biggest fans I know, Catman!
One of the coolest things I have ever seen were the player intros...Hardy is a freak of nature, while Keek is so calm and cool...
Kickoff started, and the very first play as well know...had not only me shaking in my seat from the adrenaline, but the ENTIRE STADIUM ROCKING....was the coolest thing I had ever seen...
However, I feel as if after that, the stadium wasn't very loud again..I found myself being the only one standing on 3rd downs for our D, even on the 4th and 1 for the rams on the goaline...a little disappointing, however this team hasn't earned much from the fans after the past few years...Here is a picture of me being the only one celebrating a sack on 3rd down (top left, blue jersey)...
As you can see, many were sitting and hardly clapping while I'm going nucking futs...Maybe I just over react on a 3rd down sack, or maybe the fans in my section just don't care as much...who knows.
Regardless it was one of the most awesome experiences of my life..Got flipped off by chris long and read his lips saying explicit language...all while watching Zod creep on him from behind with a grin (laughed out loud when I saw that)...
I was one of the first ones in the stadium, and literally the last one out..Didn't wanna leave. But I learned a few things from this trip..
1 - Carolina is one of the most beautiful and classy places I have ever seen. People were great here! Coming back to Washington and only been home a day and it's like Hell compared to Heaven.
2 - The further East you go, the better the food is. I'm glad I don't live there ONLY because I would do nothing but eat and become obese. It is so good there!
3 - The weather is great...got sunburnt on my right side after the game (neck, arm and face was red because sun was on the right of me lol). Even when it rained on Thursday, it was a warm rain rather than the freezing one here in the north west.
4 - The Panthers have changed...not just cause I went to a game, no, you could feel something different. Rivera actually talks and shows emotion now, to begin with. It's a new year and I believe good things will come from it. Superbowl? Probably not...but Playoffs? I'm thinking so!
All in all it was an overall great trip. Thanks to those who read, and just know that I envy everyone of you who live here. It is truly beautiful! Now let's go to Tampon Bay, beat the yucs and leave without getting a virus.
On a side note...while I was away, I volunteer coaching a tackle team of 6th graders...they won their playoff game to move to 8-0 on the year and now we play in the championship this next Tuesday night...got us some panther colored jerseys and now my all time coaching record is an undefeated 13-0...in which I wear this Panthers polo to every game...maybe I should wear this on Sundays? Keep Pounding!
Posted by SCP on 09 October 2013 - 06:35 PM
As for your running back. Thanks to the modern science of HGH, AP was able to make a stunning return and rush for 2000+ yards last year. He is arguably the best RB of my generation but he has never seen what he is about to see this Sunday. A three letter assassain named Fua. Fua is an acronym with many meanings but this Sunday it stands for fugin Up Adrian. After this Sunday, Fua is going to have a pasta dish named after him at one of the many Sbarro's in Mall of America.
Posted by Zod on 02 September 2012 - 08:44 AM
It is that time one again that I bring to you the State of the Panthers. After much introspection and meditation, I have come to a conclusion.
2011 will be Avenged.
Ron Rivera now in his second season as head coach has his philosophy in place. With emphasis on team play and a decrease of individualism, he has assembled his squad of heroes. Rivera is by nature a disciplinarian, but this one time grid-iron hero was known for his fury.
Rivera expects nothing less than a playoff berth, anything else will be a failure.
Leading the offense we find a super soldier of sorts, Cam Newton. His physical abilities are far beyond anything we have seen on the football field. He can do things other QB's only dream of. Once doubted and belittled as a gimmick, he has since proven to be a true leader. In fact, you can call him Cap.
Joining Newton on the offense is a player ready to take the next step. Ready to dominate all that block his path to greatness. A mammoth of a man, with blonde locks that flow like honey, no homo. Greg Olsen will have a huge season this year. Rivera recently has stated as much. He didn't throw the gauntlet. He dropped the hammer.
The offense will be great. But this season they will have help from the defense. The biggest improvement will come from the linebacking corps. First round selection Luke Kuechly has the speed, brawn, and intelligence to become an All-Pro in this league. Kuechly has already dazzled us all preseason, and he is just getting warmed up. Although he resembles the man of Steel, I like to think he is made of iron.
After a year hiatus, Jon Beason is rejoining the defense and will return to his pro bowl form. He looks more conditioned and in better shape than I have ever seen him. Beason is also one of the most intelligent and charismatic players in the NFL, but make him angry and you may see a whole other side of him. A side that makes opposing offenses crap their collective pants. Many of you call him Beast... but Hulk may be more fitting.
Friends, I have crunched the numbers. I say to you now I have taken all things Carolina Panthers and have come to a conclusion. All signs point to a Marvel of a Season. Buy your tickets, secure your Lazyboy, fire up the grill and lets get it on. Ish is about to get real.
Record Prediction = 13-3
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Posted by PhillyB on 21 August 2013 - 01:28 PM
After spending the summer assembling pre-Incan pottery shards and discovering ancient mummies protruding out of the ground in the deserts of southern Peru, my wife and i took a vacation across the South American continent to the Atlantic coast, scheduling ourselves a week and a half to explore Uruguay.
We touched down in Montevideo and promptly took a bus to the coastal villa of Colonia del Sacramento, a UNESCO world heritage site and an all-around incredible town. During the two-and-a-half hour bus ride there I mused about the Panthers. I'd been following training camp closely enough thanks to the widespread availability of wifi in even the smallest outposts of South America, so I was well enough acquainted with our prospects and the reports to realize that the Huddle's consensus was that we looked like a successful team, but that coaching is the number one thing that seems to worry us. A weak right guard can be masked or replaced, but embattled head coach Ron Rivera seems to be the key to the puzzle. His growth is magnified x1000 on the field; Good Ron and the Fist of Power can transform this team into machine and Bad Stoic Ron can just as easily leave us with a numbingly mediocre record.
So it was with the melancholy of remembering last season's blunders and the omnipresent bitter taste in the mouths of the Huddle's collective finest that I clambered out of the bus, grabbing my wife's luggage and my own as she carried our two-month-old daughter into the bus station, and I left her with the bags and forged into town on foot to see if I could locate a hotel.
Lo and behold, appearing as if an apparition, a ghost from the riverfront fog,
That's right, Hotel Rivera. I blinked. Was this destiny, or was I a fool? And, deciding only a fool would reject such an obvious sign from the heavens, I trod faithfully through the door, confident in the Holy Spirit of the Football Gods. This, if ever there was, was divine revelation.
I booked seven nights, at $76 per night. That's Greg Hardy's number. The total was $532. Before they printed the receipt I grabbed a coke from the cooler... two dollars. They added it on, totaling $534. What's 5 + 3 + 4? The number 12. Was the Pantheon of Football Deities revealing the oncoming breakout of wide receiver David Gettis?
As I returned to pick up my wife I cursed my skepticism. Have faith! I screamed inwardly, willing myself to reject the cold steel of emotionless analysis that threatened to strangle the glimpse of football's manifest destiny. And as I hailed a taxi I begged the heavens for a sign, for some sort of manifestation of the Will of the Football Gods, just a small sign to bolster my faith.
We went out for lunch, and, casually looking around, something caught my eye, and I froze, the blood pumping through my veins turning instantly to ice. The hair on the back of my head stood up, a cold sweat breaking out on my forehead. It was a fleur-de-lies, emblazoned in chipped, butt-fug-ugly paint upon a rusted metal carriage.
The New Orleans Saints.
As my stomach curdled in horror at what this could mean, a voice, powerful as the wind and a clap of thunder, striking me to me knees in terror, rang across the sky, a bolt of lightning straight to my heart, bidding me fear not. "I want to believe!" I screamed in silence, and in thunderous reply I heard in my innermost places the transcendent voice of what could only be described as a deity. "Have faith," rang He, "go into the darkestmost places and there you will find light."
And just as suddenly as the communion began it ended, and the rush of thunder was replaced by the rustle of the winter wind in the trees, the streets serene, Uruguayans drinking hot tea, my wife laughing with our daughter, as though this mighty, transcendent act of God had escaped them entirely. I trembled inadvertently, wiped the sweat from my brow, took a deep breath, and at last regained control of my senses.
Into the darkestmost places. Those words stuck with me.
On my last day in Colonia del Sacramento I decided to do some photography. I wandered, quite by chance, down into an old Portuguese bastion, entering through some portal in the ground, steps of stone perhaps not trod upon since the days of Pizarro, and found myself in a murky grotto, blackness penetrating in every direction, only the mirage of some grand circumstance sprawled before me providing a source of light, and as I broke into the open, I beheld the greatest of sights:
Like a scene from Myst, this view haunted me, resounded through me, a picture of the eye of God, serene and ineffable, and as I reflected on my powerlessness and ascended upon the antique stair I remembered the voice which bade me peace, and as I broke into light from the darkestmost place I turned to my right, taking in the old storefront in front of me, the glass reflecting the -
...the... what was that emblazoned in cracks and crevices on the window?
The fleur-de-lis, cracked and torn. The Saints, mortal enemy, despicable and worthy of destruction, destroyed, divined by the Gods of Football, revealed to me in the most unlikely of ways. Isn't that how most great prophecies come to fruition?
I smiled in the favor of the Football Gods and began my trek back to Hotel Rivera where all of this began. Fate was a funny thing, I realized, and as I pondered a 16-0 record I realized that 1 + 6 + 0 = 7... the exact day of the month I would return home to North Carolina.
The Football Lords work in mysterious ways.
Posted by SCP on 30 September 2013 - 08:48 AM
As a wise man named Louie C.K. once said, "People from Phoenix are Phoenicians". So this week we get to turn our ire towards a dry, barin wasteland sammiched between New Mexico, California, Ivan The Awesome, and a bunch of mormons. The Cardinals play in a state known for a governor that hates Mexicans. The very same Mexican-Americans who happen to make up a large portion of her states populus. Instead of locking out Mexicans seeking work, she should be building a wall between Arizona and the yankee pipeline that funnels fowl mouthed transplants from the midwest and northeast to that moisture sucking hell hole. Fuging retirees sucking off the government teet and bandwagining for the Cardinals until their Giants or Patriots come to town. Phoenix is the only town that is home to more Steeler and Cowboy retards than our very own Charlotte, NC. Dry heat? Dry heat is a reference to the huge population of ederly women that have relocated to Phoenix from Wilkes-Barre, PA and have brought with them their moisture starved vaginas. Good lord if I could stand the heat I would move out there and sell KY Jelly by the tank truck load. Yes, the mighty Cardinals stormed into Charlotte a few years ago and took with them a victory that set our franchise into a spiral that we have yet to correct. But I attribute that more to the 8 Cardinals fans in the stands making it impossible for Jake Delhomme to find a rythm than to the play of Kurt Warner and Larr Fitzgerald. While Arizona boasts some of the most beautiful co-eds in the world, the sheer number of Applebee's in the greater Scottsdale/Phoenix area disqualifies the region from any bragging rights. Phoenix is the only town in the world where Buick dealers carry more clout than the local politicans. So Phoenicians, it's time to tighten up your Depends straps and pull up your black socks because my Panthers are coming to town. Make sure to take your Geritol because Huddle West is going to invade that sandy ass town of yours and represent.
As for the game this Sunday, I have no idea. Your o-line sucks worse than the 4:30 K&W Cafeteria early-bird dinner line in Scottsdale. You guys have some playmakers in the secondary in Honey Weasle and Peterson but are giving up 22.2 points per game? We are shackled by a nincompoop for a head coach. So I call it a push. I think my Panthers squeak out a close one and win 21-17. If I'm wrong, oh well fug it. You guys are still home to more Canadian transplants than us.
Posted by Zod on 24 November 2013 - 05:26 PM
Some fans may call these wins frustrating and gut wrenching. I see it as transforming the Panthers into a battle tested group. This is something that is a must have if you plan on winning in the playoffs.
My day started at the Clevelander Hotel on South Beach with some great Panthers fans, let by our very own RoaringRiot. I'd like to give a big thank you to Zack for his hospitality.
Cam started the day in his usual fashion...ie like a playfull 12 year old. This guy loves the game.
Also, I would like you all to just think for a minute about how lucky we are to have Graham Gano. Easily the best kicker we have had in many season.
The day started off well enough, with pressure being applied to Ryan Tannehill regularly.
But unfortunately the Panthers offense, despite the efforts of Deangelo Williams, forgot to play for most of the first half.
In the second half, the Panthers needed a spark. Cam Newton rose to the occasion and began to take over the game.
Which ended in a great touchdown run, and one of my favorite shots of him that I have ever taken...
It was time for the Panthers defense to follow Cam's lead. Thomas Davis was solid in coverage, forcing a key drop.
The Panthers defense began to physically harass Tannehill to give the offense one last chance to win the game.
Sometimes it seemed the Panthers defense was just holding on by a glove...
Greg Hardy did his job in stopping the run and was key in this victory.
Luke Kuechly orchestrated another stop and seemed both exhausted and satisfied.
It was then time for the offense to once again win the game on a late 4th quarter drive. Who did they put at the lead of the charge? None other than Mike "Tugboat" Tolbert who rumbled his way to the goal line.
To be fair to #28, I'd close my eyes if that was the view as well.
After a Cam Newton touchdown to Greg Olsen, it was up to the Special Teams to prevent a long return, and you can credit Brandon Williams with the tackle. Many of us have high hope for Williams. If he can start to contribute on special teams, it may lead to bigger and better things.
Overall it was a great game Panthers fans should be completely proud of. Any road win in the NFL is big.
Coming Tomorrow: Cheerleader Victory Pics.