O-Ther added a blog entry in Black Paws & Blue ClawsQuestions at OTA media day"Coach Rivera, how was Cam able to bypass security and leave no trace evidence or fingerprints behind at the Blank mansion when he stole those diamond-encrusted iPads?"
<deadly Ron stare>
"That's a completely base-less allegation. He's been here in Charlotte for several weeks working hard and attending all practices to prepare for the upcoming season. What's your name and what media outlet do you work for?"
"My name's Bo Bersin. I work for the Mecklenburg Disturber. We present news fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher."
"Never heard of you. SECURITY!"
"Hey, hey, whoa there Coach. I've got permission to be here. <whistles loudly> Hey Brenton!! Are we going to Jerry's for dinner tonight or meeting him at Mom and Dad's?"
"Bo, it's the second Tuesday of the week, so we go to Jerry's. Jeez, you are such a retard Saints fan."
"Go cut your hair Goldilocks! So Coach Rivera, are you saying it was in fact Cam's dad that stole those iPads from Mr. Blanks mansion since Cam was here when the crime occurred?"
"I'm not saying anything of the sort! How are you coming to these conclusions?"
"Well the Atlanta PD always investigate Cam's whereabouts when a laptop goes missing in the city. He has such a fake smile that they believe he's a thug, especially since he didn't want to become a tight end and catch passes from Matt Ryan. They seem pretty resentful that Cam has as many playoff wins as their golden lady-boi."
"Hi Shaq, Bo Bersin, Mecklenburg Disturber. Why are you here at the Panthers training facility? The Panthers are an NFL team, Don't you need to be down the road at the Time Warner Cable Arena? Btw, I thought you'd be taller. Much, much taller. But I loved you in Kazaam and those Radio Shaq commercials."
"Umm, that's the old guy. Hello, I have hair. I'm here to play linebacker, chew bubble gum, and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubble gum."
"Oh that's right, you're the foreign exchange student from Canadia. Well you speak-a very, very good-a Engrish. Wait, you're here to play linebacker?! But we already have TD and Luke playing the 3 linebacker spots. How are you.....wait...that means you're here to replace TD, right? WOO-HOO!! I finally got a scoop on Seanathon Stones and that RavensInsider guy!!"
"Charles, would you mind letting me do the Peanut Punch so I can describe it to both our readers?"
"Sure. Just hold the ball like you're running toward the endzone."
"Actually I was hoping to do the Peanut Punch, so could you hold the ball and I punch it out?"
After hearing how Bo Bersin had punched Charles Tillman in his tricep and tore it, Don Gettleman arranged a special private interview that Bo could not refuse. The last thing he saw was Andrew Norwell's smile......
- 0 comments
O-Ther added a blog entry in Black Paws & Blue ClawsShaq's possible first day of OTAsSo Shaq finally escaped confinement at the University of Washington and was headed to Charlotte on a red-eye last night to escape re-capture by Washington State's finest. That made me wonder about how scared, resentful, and jealous Seahawk fans are of us.
They have seen plenty of Panther football in the last 3 years. Most of it was nerve-wracking for them. We've played them tough in Charlotte. In the playoff game, we gave them more than a couple moments of high pucker factor. They know we're good and getting better. One of their defensive ends, Michael Bennett, even said he wanted to date us since we looked like his sister or cousin or something like that. Me, I don't see any resemblance to the typical moose they have a fetish for up there in Canadia, but it could just be the street pharmaceuticals he bought in Browntown. All part of the movement to Keep Seattle Weird. Huh? Wut? That's Portland? Pffft, same thing. Wait, seriously they're different? Oh yeah, one is in the USA. Meh, same smell.
Shaq will immediately notice how the air smells clean and not like a few thousand homes were burning weed in the chimney. Bye bye contact highs. Make sure to adjust your watch to Eastern Standard Time now because the coaches live just down the street and will make you run extra for calling and waking them at midnight now. Time to get serious about a game and apply those skills to terrifying the Offensive Coordinators around the league. That's the real reason he couldn't make it Charlotte before today. The State of Washington is upset with us for setting parameters for Russell Wilson's deal that will force them to face the reality that all those young stars that are going to want to get paid are all in the last year of their rookie contracts. And now we've taken a player from their own backyard that they know has the potential to be very special. That's ok Seahawk bandwagoner fans. Just rip the 2 off those brand new 12 jerseys and wash them about 75 times to dull that bright green to a process blue and you can still be a bandwagon fan of a team that's going deep in the playoffs.
- 0 comments