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Terms And Conditions

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It's time that we, as an Internet Forum community, take a note out of Apple's book and outline our terms and conditions. Feel free to add any as you see fit.

By beintg a female in the vicinity of the Catpoop, you are agreeing to the following Terms and Conditions:

  1. By cutting in line in front of the Catpoop in line, joining a group of friends in order to cut the Catpoop in line, or otherwise shunning the socially accepted conventions of line etiquette, you are hereby forefeiting the right ot have the Cat Poop not stare blatantly at your ass the entire time you are in line.
  2. By using one of the few treadmills in the gym with working audio on the attached TV while you read cosmo magazine, forcing the Catpoop to watch Seinfeld reruns with no sound and relegating him to reading the closed captions, you are hereby forfeiting the right to not have the Catpoop unleash ferocious beer farts in the treadmill next to you. Pursuant this condition, you have also lost the right to shoot the Catpoop a disapproving look after he unleashes said smell-of-death fart next to you. If you want to read People at the gym, go to the fuggin' treadmill with fugged up picture that's been stuck on SAP since 2010.
  3. By agreeing to go on a date with the Catpoop (so long as the Catpoop has explicitly made it clear that the pre-arranged social engagement is a date) you hereby forfeit the right to check your mobile phone for texts, Facebook updates, Twitter feeds and answer "emergency calls from girlfiriends" for a period not to exceed two hours from the start of the pre-arranged social arrangement. Violation of this condition permits the Cat Poop to hijack your phone and piss on it in the men's room.
  4. You forfeit the right to critcize the Cat Poop for his diet that includes: Meat; fired foods; fish with high mercury content; Taco Bell; diet soda; cheese; and real butter.

By being a male in the vicinity of the Cat Poop, you agree to the following conditions:

  1. You agree to stay no fewer than 3 feet away from the girl I am currently talking to. The distance is commensurate of the empirical hotness of the chick. i.e. (an 8 out of 10, you stay 4 feet away, a 9 out of 10, you stay 6 feet away; a 10 out of 10, you stay no fewer than 10 feet away). By failing to comply with this condition, you forfeit the right to not have your balls kicked up into your throat. (Nota Bene: the Catpoop is especially agressive when horny, familiar with Krav Maga, and holds grudges)
  2. You agree to stay no fewer than 1 car length behind the Catpoop in traffic. You also agree to not cut the Catpoop off in a traffic jam. The consequences of violating this condition are based on the severity of the offense. In general the Catpoop will appear to let it go at the time (Nota Bene: The Catpoop has an adept memory for license plate numbers and has a Swiss Army knife in his glove box at all times)

Any others?

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No one reads Terms and Conditions...DUH!

now where do I sign?

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