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So a friend of mine killed himself...


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#25 rayzor

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Posted 20 October 2012 - 03:35 PM

i hate it for you james and i know the effect it can have on you, esp. in the long term.

had a buddy of mine kill himself about a year and a half ago...battled depression for a long time and had some med changes that sent him over the edge. the guy was a genius and one of the most talented and gifted people i've ever had the privilege of even just talking to.

i've also mentioned a couple times in here that my wife and i, as house parents at a children's home, had two girls attempt it while they were in our house.

it's stuff that isn't easily shaken from your mind and if you don't watch out, it can easily consume you. just the whole thought of someone killing themselves...things like what was going through their minds at that moment and the agony and hopelessness they must have felt in the minutes leading up to that point. it's a darkness that can drag you down in a big way which is why it can sometimes almost sound epidemic.

the advice you've heard from others in this thread...to seek out counseling or find someone to talk to is definitely something that you should do.

i would offer this bit of advice, though....find someone that is going to help you with the spin you put on life. what i mean by that is make sure that it's not someone who will help you feed any negativity you might already have because of this because stuff like this has a tendency to amplify the negative stuff you might have crawling around.

it's all about perspective. the reason people end their own lives is because of their perspective that life just won't get any better and they see nothing in their life down the road that would be worth enduring this pain any longer.

find someone that has the perspective on life that you wish you had or want and find out how they do it. find out how they view life and ask for suggestions on how to deal with that stuff and also do what you can to avoid thinking about what that friend of yours went through. don't forget about him, just put out of your mind the bad stuff so you don't dwell on it.

i talk to the mom of that buddy of mine who killed himself every once in a while and the way she copes with it is to try and look at him, his life, his memories and life itself in the most positive way possible. she tries to look at everything in a positive perspective and it seems to be working for her.

just my .02.

#26 CatofWar

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Posted 20 October 2012 - 03:50 PM

Suicide is perplexing. At least to me anyway. The person who takes their own life is incredibly brave and selfish at the same time. Those who suffer the most are the ones left to deal with the after math. No doubt your friends life didn't end when he decided to take it here on earth. You will catch up with him in another life. It's just hard for people to let go.

My older brother went to Walmart one morning, leaving with a box of .38 shells. He then went to the pawn shop asking to see a .38 chambered revolver. When he was given it he tried to load it. The guy working attempted to grab it, screaming "what are you doing"? My brother ran outside, with the gun and ammo in hand, to a near by alley. That's where he was found, still alive but barely. We didn't know at first what the fug happened. Took a day or two before we pieced everything together. He died 3 days later.

While your friend may no longer be here in the traditional sense, he is far from gone. When you see him again you can punch him in the nuts then hug him once again.



#27 Kurb

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 07:07 AM

disrespectful posts deleted.
sorry for your loss james
trollin in this thread will meet harsh reactions.

#28 charlotte49er

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Posted 22 October 2012 - 03:25 AM

Actually, this echos the exact thing I was going ot mention. Sometimes the "always happy" folks are covering some stuff that they just can't deal with. Could explain the constant partying also. Hate it for you and the rest of his friends.


Not so much the partying, but the drinking. Often excessive drinking is a sign of depression. Add to it that alcohol is an depressant, and you have a bad situation.

I'm sorry that your friend did that. Suicide is rough on the ones they leave behind. It they don't leave a note, then everyone is left wondering, why.

If you need professional help, there are programs in Charlotte that are often free. (Check United Way.) Help doesn't carry the stigma that it once did. (Even then, it shouldn't had.)

I hope you feel better. Sometimes it helps to take a "Mental Health" day and do something fun for yourself.

Good luck!

#29 ladypanther

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Posted 22 October 2012 - 07:00 PM

Suicide is perplexing. At least to me anyway. The person who takes their own life is incredibly brave and selfish at the same time. Those who suffer the most are the ones left to deal with the after math. No doubt your friends life didn't end when he decided to take it here on earth. You will catch up with him in another life. It's just hard for people to let go.

My older brother went to Walmart one morning, leaving with a box of .38 shells. He then went to the pawn shop asking to see a .38 chambered revolver. When he was given it he tried to load it. The guy working attempted to grab it, screaming "what are you doing"? My brother ran outside, with the gun and ammo in hand, to a near by alley. That's where he was found, still alive but barely. We didn't know at first what the fug happened. Took a day or two before we pieced everything together. He died 3 days later.

While your friend may no longer be here in the traditional sense, he is far from gone. When you see him again you can punch him in the nuts then hug him once again.



Very sorry to hear that and sorry for the loss of your brother.

I have worked with people who have survived what they meant as a fatal suicide attempt. What I have learned from them is that, when they got to that point, they truly felt that others would be better off without them. Not true, of course, but they could not connect with that. I am sorry for your brother's pain, and now the pain you and others have to carry.

#30 SCP

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Posted 24 October 2012 - 07:13 PM

It's always tough when someone you're close to passes, esp if its unexpected and even moreso for a suicide.

My business partner passed last year and it took me months to process the fact that he just wasn't there anymore.

You have my condolences, I know its not easy.

If death is weighing on you, definitely find someone to talk to.


Is he the guy that used to post on here?

#31 Darth Biscuit

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Posted 24 October 2012 - 07:17 PM

Is he the guy that used to post on here?


My business partner? No.

MCP works with me in the office... He still posts here some.

The guy that passed was my partner and our bus dev guy...

He was 61 and healthy and was bringing his sailboat in one weekend and fell out and died.

#32 SZ James (banned)

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Posted 24 October 2012 - 07:28 PM

Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond and giving your condolences.

Just to give a brief update: I'm spending a lot less time dwelling on this and I feel much better than I did when I made this thread. Once again I appreciate all of it.

#33 SCP

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Posted 24 October 2012 - 08:11 PM

My business partner? No.

MCP works with me in the office... He still posts here some.

The guy that passed was my partner and our bus dev guy...

He was 61 and healthy and was bringing his sailboat in one weekend and fell out and died.


Damn. Did he hit his head or something?

#34 Darth Biscuit

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Posted 24 October 2012 - 08:16 PM

Damn. Did he hit his head or something?


Not that we know... He just fell out, they never really determined the cause of death other than drowning.

#35 Carolinaguy

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Posted 25 October 2012 - 06:55 AM

I have lost two I know to suicide. Both were bright, articulate and from all appearances stable people. Yet behinds the scenes both were ill. And I do believe that we are susceptible to illness of mind and body and have a new respect for those who suffer from what many of us don't see, depression, anxiety and panic attacks. These two did not know each other. One female, one male. I won't post how they ended their lives, that's tasteless, but my post is to let others know, be compassionate with those who suffer from an illness no different than Cancer, TB, MS, MDA, Leukemia etc.