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carpantherfan84

questions on child-rearing

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bullied at 5? sorry pal but you are over reacting. if he were 15 then we are having a totally dif conversation.

 

the reason some parents don't blow their kid in a moment like that is some  jack leg will call DSS on them. see how that works?

 

at that age they see your response as cues on it being a big deal or not. they might be able to talk to process what went down and apply the right way next time is hard. see parenting 24/7.

 

as for the other parents, you have to indirectly communicate to them whats going on. if it were me i would say to my son but loud enough for the other parent to hear, hey pstall jr? remember what we said about spitting on someone? its not good is it? then he shakes his head no. the other parent sees that.

 

redirect is your best tool under 9. redirect your kid and maybe at times your wife. or even yourself. that reinforces how to navigate thru a tough scenario.

 

*the following advice was free of charge and will assure your kid better results than yelling stop or don't do that.

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Your son is a pacifist so stop trying to make him something he not... self defense is different than the bad parenting you are teaching your kid

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^its just too heartbreaking.  It took years to even convince him that it was not okay for other kids to take things from him.  He would just stare at them, and wait. Broke my heart.

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Bad parenting, maybe maybe not.

 

I never said to do anything other than what was being done to him. All in the context that it is okay to defend yourself.  The same lesson I was taught from the earliest age.

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defending yourself i don't think is the right term here. he is 5 and the other kid pretty young too. this is where parenting comes in. instead of teaching defend, teach share or teamwork.

 

kids by and large want the shiny thing the other kid has. a kid could have 100 toys but sees one he doesn't have and wants it. thats called being a kid.

 

whenever my girls were little and we were out i would always make sure im watching what unfolds with another kid. if i sense its about to go south i would make sure they heard my voice. this also sends a message to the other kid and their parents im aware. by taking the lead the other parent, usually, realizes they might also be needing to pay attention to keep things from escalating.

 

thats called redirecting. if i see my kid holding a toy and i can tell the other kid wants it i would just walk up to my kid and say do you want to share with your new friend? then i ask the other kid do you want to play with my kid? this difuses everything and keeps me the dad in control of the moment.

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Absolutely, that is exactly what we do.  We interject, or redirect w/e you want to call it.  We took GREAT care to teach him the merits of sharing and such.  He is a great sharer and really is an all around great soul of a child.  Unfortunately, he is constantly taken advantage of.  If anything, we may have interfered so much that we prevented him from building up a natural social relationship where he is able to assert hisself.  That is my greatest fear for him.

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all is not lost man. just stay with it and don't over think what you are doing. there will be times you may need to sit back and see how he haggles. let him fall from time to time and he will learn.

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make no mistake, I will never give up  on him. I am sure he will be fine. Stuff like this bothers me WAAAAYYY more than it bothers him. But he just reacts soo different from other kids.  I mean, when your kids were 5 and another kid snatched something, or jostled them out of line or struck them, I am sure they either retaliated or came and told their parents crying.  My son did neither, until he was old enough to understand what we were saying, then he would only do things like take back a toy that is taken from him. Curious behavior

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best advice i can give is find some friends who have kids a couple of years older than yours and you like how those kids are turning out so far. hang with them as much as you can and observe and absorb all you can.

 

trust me. all new parents OVER analyze everything kid related. the second kid cures you of that real fast. lol

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Only excuse would be if the spitter was a special needs kid. Either way the parents should have taken action.

I'd explain to your 5 old that is exactly the case, the kid was wrong, the parent should have acted and good job not going ballistic.

He'll have plenty opportunity later in life for drunken bar fights.

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