332nd

I usually think of Sam Kinison

When I was in the Army, we were told that if we got into an argument with our SO & in even hinted at turning violent, we should lock ourselves in a room, call one of our buddies to come over, then call the cops. Stay in the room (& on the phone with the 9/11 operator) until everyone got there so you'd have witnesses that you hadn't done anything. Easier today with cell phones being so widespread but a good idea, since it removes you from a chance at losing your temper at the least.

No, but I told her I was gonna "smurf that ass you keep it up" a lot

Oh it doesn't work when you're a short skinny guy either. I almost got arrested when a friend who's 6'4" 190lbs came over, yelled "What up Papa Smurf!!" (Her normal greeting for me) tripped on th last step, screamed, hit her head on the rail, got a nice little egg growing. Neighbor called the cops & while we were trying to convince her to go to the infirmary to get it checked, the cops showed up & were only too happy to cuff me up & try to get her to press charges dispte the fact she & her friends told them what happened, plus she was damn near a foot taller & had 50 lbs on me. Why? Because the neighbor said it sounded like someone was beating their wife/girlfriend.