Need some serious advice

[neverlosethefeeling]

So my sister and I attend the same university. She lives in an apartment complex not far from mine, but her roommate situation is not nearly as good as mine. Long story short, her roommate's boyfriend is always over there, literlly 6 days a week, but never cleans up after himself, is there even when his girlfriend isn't, is always loud, and basically treats the place like his own. Tonight, my sister was trying to study for a calculus exam and he was in the living room watching TV and playing music rather loudly. My sister asks him to turn it down since she's trying to study, and dude goes off. He says "Fug that I'll be loud if I want to fug you, this isn't just your apartment, so you can go fug yourself." They exchanged words and he ended it with "Fug you, bitch." So, naturally, my sister calls me crying, saying she was scared he was really going to hit her and this and that. So now I'm steaming. No "man" is going to talk to my sister like that and think he's going to get away with it. No "man" should talk to any woman like that, my sister or not my sister. What would you do? I'm really ready to go beat his ass but my sister is begging for me to stay at my place.

[mush]

Wow.....who's name is on the lease? If his name is not on the lease then he shouldn't be there without his gf. Tough situation. Newbies living on their own not knowing basic rules for living with someone else.

[Mr. Scot]

Go, and be firm, but be wise keep your temper under control.

[neverlosethefeeling]

His name is not on the lease. He has a dorm on campus.

What would you say to him, Mr. Scot?

I just have no tolerance for men with no respect for women. My sister says he has hit his girlfriend before.

[Delhommey]

Reason # 5,243 why I will no longer have roomates unless I'm about to go to the poorhouse.

Ok. Advice.

1. This is your sister and her roomate's problem to work out. Don't get in the middle unless asked specifically or if it gets to a point she can't protect herself.

2. You're hotheaded and will do no good if you do anything now. However, when you're around the boyfriend and you find a situation where you're alone with him, calmly, collectively and cooly explain to him that he will be found in a shallow grave in the woods if he ever talks to you sister that way again. Tell him you don't want to know his side of the story, an apology, whatever. It's cool with you and him. Just let him know, that s**t happened once. That's it.

[Matt Foley]

Tell him you know Zod.

[mush]

yeah, delhommey has some good ideas. If your sister is not on the lease then she is more limited as to what she can do....in fact, she can move out on a whim. Remember the situation is only temporary. At the end of the day it is between your sister and her roommate. Hopefully they at least have their own bedroom?

[Mr. Scot]

His name is not on the lease. He has a dorm on campus.

What would you say to him, Mr. Scot?

I just have no tolerance for men with no respect for women. My sister says he has hit his girlfriend before.

Guys who intimidate and/or hurt women are not worthy of being called men.

And while I don't want to rile you up, it's valid that if he's hit his girlfriend, he'd probably get rough with your sister too.

Delhommey's second point is good advice. My only disagreement is I wouldn't wait till later. If you don't do something while this is going on, you're likely going to drive yourself nuts.

If you're worried about what you might do, you might want to involve the police.

[neverlosethefeeling]

yeah, delhommey has some good ideas. If your sister is not on the lease then she is more limited as to what she can do....in fact, she can move out on a whim. Remember the situation is only temporary. At the end of the day it is between your sister and her roommate. Hopefully they at least have their own bedroom?

My sister IS on the lease, with his girlfriend. HE is NOT on the lease

[mush]

confrontation is overrated sometimes....superglue in his locks and slashing his tires without telling anyone including your sister until a few years down the road can go a long way....

[mush]

tell your sister to go by the lease office tomorrow and tell them what's going on...CALMLY and tell them it's causing a problem. They'll probably tell you that if he's staying there then he needs to be added on the lease, fill out a form, pay a $300 fee, and start paying 1/3 of the rent. As long as they're on the lease half and half, then he really can't stay there that much without paying the fees and such.

When you force him to make it official then it hits home more.

[Mr. Scot]

confrontation is overrated sometimes....superglue in his locks and slashing his tires without telling anyone including your sister until a few years down the road can go a long way....

I could see that if the guy were just a douchebag, but this guy sounds more like a bully than a douchebag. Bullies generally only respond to strength.

Anybody willing to intimidate and/or threaten a woman needs to be dealt with directly.

[Delhommey]

I think in the interest of the sister's long term safety, this guy needs to have the boundries set, just not tonight. Not unless it flares up again.

Also keep in mind your sister is very worked up, and when you're emotional, stories aren't always told correctly.

If your sister is safe, let her tell you what happened after she's calmed down and had a night of sleep. I'd still let the guy know bad things await the man who doesn't treat your sister right.

[Mr. Scot]

Whatever you do, prayers and best wishes from me.

(I'm out for the night)