How to tell if a girl on the internet is fake and really a dude.

[SmootsDaddy89]

A helpful guide by smootsdaddy89.

1. Her pictures have stamps from a porn site/model site/etc.

This may seem like an obvious rule of thumb, but you'd be surprised how many old guys seemingly lack the eyesight for this sort of thing. If you're jerking your miserable excuse for a penis to some bitch's profile picture on myspace and notice a stamp for smootsdaddy.com at the bottom right of the picture, you have been cybering with a dude.

2. A hot girl is talking to you.

This depends on age really, but with so many 40+ men on this site, it needs to be said. If a 20 year-old college girl who doesn't look like she was shat out of manatee's vagina is flirting with you, and you're over 40, you are probably flirting with a dude.

3. She has something like this on her profile: Turn Ons

Guys - Muscles, tall, a big $%^@% to stretch my tight little eighteen year old $%@&@%.

Virtually no real, attractive female openly talks like this, even on the internet. This is probably a dude wanting to troll you for lulz. Do not give into the temptation because she appears desperate enough for %$^@%^ to talk to you.

4. She's bisexual.

9/10 times a girl who talks about fuging other girls openly on the internet is a fat nerd trying to scam lesbians into showing him their tits. The good news with this situation is that if you ask her if she wants to see your dick or whatever, he'll tell you he's a dude. But if he's gay/wants to troll you because he's not getting tits, watch out.

5. Well, I've made is past these four without any flags coming up. The girl isn't using obvious model pictures, she isn't overtly and openly sexual, and I'm not old and having a mid-life crisis that deludes me into thinking that I can still score with college girls, so the girl I've fallen in love with over the interwebs must be real right? Wrong.

This one's the killer. There are many hambeasts online who fake their more attractive friends to get the attention they can't get in real life. These porkers are the worst of them all because by using tons of pictures of her attractive, slutty friend, it's all but impossible to detect whether or not she is a fake or not.

Which brings us to the most important rule of them all.

IF YOU SEE A HOT GIRL ON THE INTERNET, IGNORE HER. SHE IS PROBABLY NOT THAT HOT EVEN IF SHE IS REAL

Now go jerk off to porn and hate yourself.

[Darth Biscuit]

You mean hot 18 year olds don't talk to 37 year old guys on the internet??? :svengo:

[mmmbeans]

you mean you aren't that girl in your avatar?....delete PMs plz.

[SmootsDaddy89]

They probably don't want your big $%&$%@& to stretch out their 18 year-old %^#*% either

[SmootsDaddy89]

you mean you aren't that girl in your avatar?....delete PMs plz.

I'm posting that goatse picture you sent me all over falconslife.

[mmmbeans]

OMG they'll probably try to recruit me.

[Darth Biscuit]

They probably don't want your big #$^#$^ to stretch out their 18 year-old $%&$% either

Obviously not. :yikes:

[SmootsDaddy89]

I'm saving lives itt.

[Darth Biscuit]

Thank you for your pubic service Smoots.

[Hawk]

thanks...but let's cut down on the language a little, please and thank you!

[Jase]

Common sense really.

[Razzy]

Hey there. Asl?

[PanthersFanNY]

18/f/miami

[tarheelblue89]

I think you are spelling your naughty words wrong. There are too many symbols.