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So why the wife and kids have been in Carolina with you guys.......

AKPantherFan

By AKPantherFan,
in Carolina Panthers

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Montsta Rising Star

Montsta

Posted
Posted

If some of you think that is harsh, I will never post stories about me disciplining my kid. EVER. And I think kids today are screwed up because people don't do the kind of things you talked about with him AK. Using his heroes as motivation is great. Most people's idea of good parenting these days is saying fug it and letting the kid skip the push ups to play nintendo.

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Montsta Rising Star

Montsta

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No kidding. The way he told the story it doesn't sound harsh to me. Then again, I was raised by a mom who made me sit at the dinner table until I finished my entire dinner. Oh the horrors!!!!!! :P

My mom once made me stay up until 1 in the morning to finish an assignment that I had eight weeks to do and procrastinated on until the last day. And my dad once made me do ridiculous amounts of laps when he coached my little league team and I didn't try to run out a ground ball.

I will be notifying child protective services later this afternoon. It was 20 years ago, but I don't know what the statute of limitations is on child abuse, so I'm going to call anyway. :tongue:

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Montsta Rising Star

Montsta

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Sounds like you had good home training to me!

There was a comedian who did a bit on calling child protective services on his mom because she disciplined him. The punchline was that she answered the phone and gave him hell. lol

That's classic! I actually gave my daughter my work nextel # and said if she ever wants to call the cops and say I'm being to harsh on her, that was the "special" number for kids to call. I guess I had the same plan in mind!

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panthers55 Grand Master

panthers55

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Great room but suspect parenting style unless he is the one who agreed to do the 30 pushups in the first place. How old is he? If he is 15 then you can be tougher on him then if he 12. When a child makes a deal to do something and reneges because he doesn't want to, then there should be consequences for his actions. They should be discussed with him before so that he is making a decision knowing what the result will be. If he chooses to proceed anyway then he is making a decision and suffers the consequences. There are also times when allowing him to make a decision such as play in a busy road, not attend school are not options and he needs to do them for his own benefit, for his safety, it is a law or rule etc.

So if this is something he does as part of a fitness plan, to improve in football, etc then it should be followed and he understands his responsibilities as long as he agreed to do it in the first place.

But it is imposed because you say so, and he ended up in tears the night before he left for a trip and he had no idea you would react that way or that was the consequence, then he ends up feeling like a failure, becomes afraid of your overreaction, and may as he gets older not want you to participate as a coach feeling you are harder on him than the other kids for example. It impacts your relationship and doesn't have the desired effect. He isn't making a decision or choice at that point but doing it out of fear of retribution. It won't have a long lasting positive effect and he will learn to avoid you rather than internalize the value to "not give up" as you are trying to instill.

He may be excited about the room but if he learns that the next time he disappoints you that you will rip all the things off the wall again, he may learn to be wary of gifts with too many strings attached.

Just my 2 cents.

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Panthers_Lover Newbie

Panthers_Lover

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Great room but suspect parenting style unless he is the one who agreed to do the 30 pushups in the first place. How old is he? If he is 15 then you can be tougher on him then if he 12. When a child makes a deal to do something and reneges because he doesn't want to, then there should be consequences for his actions. They should be discussed with him before so that he is making a decision knowing what the result will be. If he chooses to proceed anyway then he is making a decision and suffers the consequences. There are also times when allowing him to make a decision such as play in a busy road, not attend school are not options and he needs to do them for his own benefit, for his safety, it is a law or rule etc.

So if this is something he does as part of a fitness plan, to improve in football, etc then it should be followed and he understands his responsibilities as long as he agreed to do it in the first place.

But it is imposed because you say so, and he ended up in tears the night before he left for a trip and he had no idea you would react that way or that was the consequence, then he ends up feeling like a failure, becomes afraid of your overreaction, and may as he gets older not want you to participate as a coach feeling you are harder on him than the other kids for example. It impacts your relationship and doesn't have the desired effect. He isn't making a decision or choice at that point but doing it out of fear of retribution. It won't have a long lasting positive effect and he will learn to avoid you rather than internalize the value to "not give up" as you are trying to instill.

He may be excited about the room but if he learns that the next time he disappoints you that you will rip all the things off the wall again, he may learn to be wary of gifts with too many strings attached.

Just my 2 cents.

You said what I was thinking. I see the importance of discipline, and the importance of encouraging your children to follow through on their commitments, etc. I don't see making failure to do that about the parent ("why he quit on me") and I don't see purposefully trying to "break" your child's "pride."

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Porn Shop Clerk Enthusiast

Porn Shop Clerk

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Its not like he was beating him and calling him worthless, or making him eat dog food when he failed.

He used a resounding motivational technique that a lot of kids could benefit from.

The real problem is when these kind of tactics aren't softened by a thorough explanation or are coupled with real physical abuse.

Good job, AK. Just make sure the kid knows you've got his back, and I'm sure you do.

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KillerKat Grand Master

KillerKat

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Nice room, but don't like the whole "why did you quit on me" episode. It's stuff like that that can mess up a kid mentally as he gets older. AK probably did it to trick his kid so that he's even more surprised when he comes back and sees his room, but that's gonna be on the kid's mind the entire trip. If its a one time deal, he should explain it to him when he gets back or apologize or think of something else while he's still on the trip. If this is how he normally raises his kid, so be it. I still don't agree with it.

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KillerKat Grand Master

KillerKat

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Great room but suspect parenting style unless he is the one who agreed to do the 30 pushups in the first place. How old is he? If he is 15 then you can be tougher on him then if he 12. When a child makes a deal to do something and reneges because he doesn't want to, then there should be consequences for his actions. They should be discussed with him before so that he is making a decision knowing what the result will be. If he chooses to proceed anyway then he is making a decision and suffers the consequences. There are also times when allowing him to make a decision such as play in a busy road, not attend school are not options and he needs to do them for his own benefit, for his safety, it is a law or rule etc.

So if this is something he does as part of a fitness plan, to improve in football, etc then it should be followed and he understands his responsibilities as long as he agreed to do it in the first place.

But it is imposed because you say so, and he ended up in tears the night before he left for a trip and he had no idea you would react that way or that was the consequence, then he ends up feeling like a failure, becomes afraid of your overreaction, and may as he gets older not want you to participate as a coach feeling you are harder on him than the other kids for example. It impacts your relationship and doesn't have the desired effect. He isn't making a decision or choice at that point but doing it out of fear of retribution. It won't have a long lasting positive effect and he will learn to avoid you rather than internalize the value to "not give up" as you are trying to instill.

He may be excited about the room but if he learns that the next time he disappoints you that you will rip all the things off the wall again, he may learn to be wary of gifts with too many strings attached.

Just my 2 cents.

Panthers55 explains it further what I mean

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