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Miami DolFans, Epindadas, and the Gordo Gringo

SCP

By SCP,
in Carolina Panthers

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SCP Enthusiast

SCP

Posted
Posted

I got in my last fap over our MNF win on Wednesday night. Immediately after I sanitized my hand and had a pack of Nip Chee and a beer, I shifted my focus to the Dolphins. As I sat on my couch I started to reminisce about the 6 years I lived in the Miami area. I met my wife down there, I sucked down croquetas, empindadas, and ropa vieja by the pound, I attended almost 60 Marlins games a season, I attended around 40 Dolphins games even though I hate them, and I took my first poop in the Everglades while simultaneously enjoying a Cuban coffee. I sold industrial coatings like a beast from West Palm down to Miami Gardens and had customers from every corner of Latin America that affectionately knew me as the Gordo Gringo. I got drunk in the same suite as Bernie Kosar and Scotty Bowman at the NHL All Star Game in Sunrise. I fell asleep at Miami Heat games because NOBODY went to them. Life was good. So I am not going to talk mad smack this week about our game. Rather, I have a bone to pick because Miami fans and DolFans are some of the most pathetic in sports.

  • Much like BofA stadium, every time a team from New York, Ohio, New Jersey, Michigan, or any city/state north of the Fla/Ga line came to Dolphin Stadium, that place would be full of opposing fans. It makes BofA look like an SEC environment.
  • They had to build a night club at the stadium to entice fans to come to games.
  • They held a T*m T*bow Appreciation Day when the Broncos came to town, and he wasn’t playing for the Dolphins.
  • I saw a car burn to the ground there because the idiot hid his charcoal grill under his car during the game so nobody would take it.
  • I was outnumbered by Cubs fans almost 8/1 at the NLCS in 2003 and by Yankee fans almost 2/1 in the World Series.
  • Remember when the Heat sucked? I was there. Heat "fans" were not.
  • Remember Jay Fiedler, Cleo Lemon, and AJ Feeley? I was there. DolFans were not.
  • Remember when Roberto Luongo was blocking shots like a fuging beast for the Florida Panthers? I was there. Miami fans were not.
  • AM Radio personalities, Stu Gotz and John "Boog" Schiambi, had to literally BEG Miami fans daily to come to the ballpark when the Marlins were on their magical run to the playoffs in 2003. They did not show….Until the World Series.
  • The Dolphin fight song is the one thing on Earth that is worse than Stand and Cheer for the Panthers
Look, I have taken more poops in that stadium than 90% of the people you will meet that claim Dolphin fandom. So the Dolphin fans that come in here looking to talk smack and thump their chests, simply tell them to go to the game. Show up. As for the game this Sunday, I’m expecting a tight matchup because of a few factors like humidity, short week, and Byron Bell versus Cameron Wake. I do think we will be able to move the ball and even though we will be down our best pass rusher, I think we can hold them to one or two scores.

So, sorry for the lack of smack this week but I've got poo to sell before thanksgiving holiday.

Panthers 24

Dolphins 14

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Marguide Newbie

Marguide

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Not your best work SCP, but we realize you were on a short week like the rest of the team. Still very enjoyable. After we beat Miami, you'll be back at your best, no doubt, with a full week to study film and research our next opponent.

 

 

Y mira gringo bruto, son "empanadas". No quiero juju malo por un problema de letras. Gracias por tu atencion.

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SCP

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Not your best work SCP, but we realize you were on a short week like the rest of the team. Still very enjoyable. After we beat Miami, you'll be back at your best, no doubt, with a full week to study film and research our next opponent.

Y mira gringo bruto, son "empanadas". No quiero juju malo por un problema de letras. Gracias por tu atencion.

Yes it has been a busy week selling poo. It's been hard to get my game face on. Plus I like the Miami area so I can't really talk too much smack about it.

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