a golden way to say "no"

[hepcat]

I have decided to share some of my time tested wisdom with the people of this forum. Years ago, a simple phrase entered my vocabulary, and it has revolutionized my life. Have you ever been put into a situation where saying "no" has proved difficult?

For example, how would you respond to these statements?

-"Will you mop the floor and take out the trash?"

-"Hey man, can you help me move this weekend?"

-"You parked in my parking spot you stupid dummy!"

-"Do you have a minute to talk about animal rights?"

-"Did you borrow my car last night?"

-"Do you want to do it in the butt?"

-"Have you had anything to drink tonight?"

-"Do I look fat in this dress?"

Along with other like phrases, instead of the cold response of a flat out "no", (or perhaps the correct answer would be yes but you are compelled to say no) try this:

"Nah, I'm just chillin"

[PanthaSan]

My answers:

-"Will you mop the floor and take out the trash?"

No

-"Hey man, can you help me move this weekend?"

You buy the beer

-"You parked in my parking spot you stupid dummy!"

Fug you, do something about it

-"Do you have a minute to talk about animal rights?"

Only if it involves recipes

-"Did you borrow my car last night?"

Ummmm, no?

-"Do you want to do it in the butt?"

Depends on who's pitching and who's catching

-"Have you had anything to drink tonight?"

Fug you, Cop. Go bother real criminals

-"Do I look fat in this dress?"

*shudder*

[Samuel L. Jackson]

how would you respond to these statements?

-"Will you mop the floor and take out the trash?"

Do I look like a woman to you?

-"Hey man, can you help me move this weekend?"

It isn't my fault you ballooned up to 700 lbs. I warned you that once you got too far you wouldn't be able to move.

-"You parked in my parking spot you stupid dummy!"

You talkin' to me?

-"Do you have a minute to talk about animal rights?"

No, I have an entire lifetime... however, I don't feel like talking about it... ever...

-"Did you borrow my car last night?"

If by car you mean your girlfriend, then yes.

-"Do you want to do it in the butt?"

What what?

-"Have you had anything to drink tonight?"

I've had a lot to drink tonight. Coke Zero is awesome.

-"Do I look fat in this dress?"

Why are you wearing a dress in the first place, bro?

yep

[Future of the Funchise]

nah i'm just chillin

[neverlosethefeeling]

I'm chillin like a villain

[CharlotteBeer.com]

This response works well with all of the aforementioned situations: