What to say and what not to say to someone grieving

[Matt Foley]

From aol.com...

The Worst Things to Say to Someone in Grief:

1. At least she lived a long life; many people die young.

2. He is in a better place.

3. She brought this on herself.

4. There is a reason for everything.

5. Aren't you over him yet? He has been dead for a while now.

6. You can have another child still.

7. She was such a good person God wanted her to be with him.

8. I know how you feel.

9. She did what she came here to do, and it was her time to go.

10. Be strong.

The Best Things to Say to Someone in Grief:

1. I am so sorry for your loss.

2. I wish I had the right words; just know I care.

3. I don't know how you feel, but I am here if I can help in anyway.

4. You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.

5. My favorite memory of your loved one is ...

6. I am always just a phone call away.

7. Give a hug instead of saying something.

8. We all need help at times like this. I am here for you

9. I am usually up early or late if you need anything.

10. Say nothing; just be with the person

Many of us have said "the best" and "the worst." We meant no harm. In fact, we were trying to comfort. A grieving person may say one of "the worst" about themselves, and it's okay. It may even make sense for a member of the clergy to say, "He is in a better place," when someone comes to them for guidance, whereas an acquaintance saying it may not help.

Here are some of the traits that make certain comments "the best" and "the worst."

Traits of the Worst Ones:

1. They want to fix the loss.

2. Are about our own discomfort.

3. Are directive in nature.

4. Rationalize or try to explain loss.

5. May be judgmental.

6. Are not about the griever.

7. May minimize the loss.

8. Put a timeline on loss.

Traits of the Best Ones:

1. Are supportive without trying to fix it.

2. Are about feelings.

3. Are inactive and don't tell anyone what to do.

4. Admit we can't make it better.

5. Don't ask for something or someone to change feelings.

6. Recognize the loss.

7. Don't put time limits on grief.

[jasonluckydog]

From aol.com...

The Worst Things to Say to Someone in Grief:

1. At least she lived a long life; many people die young.

2. He is in a better place.

3. She brought this on herself.

4. There is a reason for everything.

5. Aren't you over him yet? He has been dead for a while now.

6. You can have another child still.

7. She was such a good person God wanted her to be with him.

8. I know how you feel.

9. She did what she came here to do, and it was her time to go.

10. Be strong.

The Best Things to Say to Someone in Grief:

1. I am so sorry for your loss.

2. I wish I had the right words; just know I care.

3. I don't know how you feel, but I am here if I can help in anyway.

4. You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.

5. My favorite memory of your loved one is ...

6. I am always just a phone call away.

7. Give a hug instead of saying something.

8. We all need help at times like this. I am here for you

9. I am usually up early or late if you need anything.

10. Say nothing; just be with the person

Many of us have said "the best" and "the worst." We meant no harm. In fact, we were trying to comfort. A grieving person may say one of "the worst" about themselves, and it's okay. It may even make sense for a member of the clergy to say, "He is in a better place," when someone comes to them for guidance, whereas an acquaintance saying it may not help.

Here are some of the traits that make certain comments "the best" and "the worst."

Traits of the Worst Ones:

1. They want to fix the loss.

2. Are about our own discomfort.

3. Are directive in nature.

4. Rationalize or try to explain loss.

5. May be judgmental.

6. Are not about the griever.

7. May minimize the loss.

8. Put a timeline on loss.

Traits of the Best Ones:

1. Are supportive without trying to fix it.

2. Are about feelings.

3. Are inactive and don't tell anyone what to do.

4. Admit we can't make it better.

5. Don't ask for something or someone to change feelings.

6. Recognize the loss.

7. Don't put time limits on grief.

Are we about to loose Salty? :cryin:

[Future of the Funchise]

My favorite one would be:

SUCK IT UP AND MOVE ON!!! It's only a matter of time before you die too...

[Skew]

Meat,

Whenever you make a thread where you are trying to be funny, just know that, you and your loved ones will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Skew

[Matt Foley]

Tough crowd. I just noticed that whenever someone starts a thread about a loss on here, many of us (myself included) pull out the "he's in a better place" response.

[Future of the Funchise]

You mean there's a better place than The Huddle?

Where is this magical kingdom? It can't be a free site like this one.

[pstall]

I made a pstall foul a few weeks ago in this dept. My philosophy has been to say as little as possible to someone on this.

Neighbor's mom is fighting pancreatic cancer and has been remarkably resilant. As we were talking I mentioned something about one day technology will be there to take better care of this. He wasn't upset but I walked away thinking I should have kept quiet. Sure, there might be hope for others down the road but she was in such a tough spot just being there for my neighbor would have been enough.

[Matt Foley]

The trick is to act like the person who is grieving is the one who is dying. That way you can't say anything that might be taken like you are more worried about how it will hurt you than them.

[Zod]

There was a great guide out on this... think I found it on youtube...

[pstall]

MOOOOOOM. I never know what she is doing...back..there.

[Matt Foley]

"Damn you, Roger! Damn you!"