Disciplining Children

[LifeisaGarden]

What do you think is the most effective way to discipline children, based on age and what was done wrong.

We try to use punishments that fit the crime so to speak.

She's almost 12.

Recently she was watching TV and I asked her if she was finished with her homework, she said, "yes". I asked her to show it to me along with her homework planner. She kept stalling. So it was obvious she lied to me about it so she could continue to watch tv. She admitted that she lied.The punishment was no TV or computer (unless she needed it for homework) for a week, instead of her normal TV time she had to read a book.

If she doesn't do her chores, she has to do her normal chores and pick a chore from the chore jar to do as well.

I also have a discipline Jar full of things she would need to do in case I cant think of a good "punishment" to fit the "crime". There are things in that jar like, "write an apology letter and state what you will do differently next time", "Do research on the computer on ________ and write a paper about it", "Clean the Refrigerator", "Write a thank you letter to a person that did something nice for you", "Write down 10 things you like about your mom and dad and present it to us".

[GAme]

You just spank them so bad that they never want it again.

[Darth Biscuit]

Beat the poo out of 'em!!!

j/k

Our youngest is 12 and he's in the hormone stage now... grouchy, talks back, etc.

Our usual punishment is no xBox, no TV, take away the iPod, etc. Sending him to his room doesn't work, he just reads...

Really the only major issue we have is the two of them arguing/fighting. It's pretty constant.

[The_Light_Brigade]

My parents used to embarrass me as punishment. For example, when I was 12 me and group of friends got in trouble for "shanking" people during gym class. So my mom and dad "shanked" me all the time in public afterward until I got the point. (didn't take long). Not sure how you could embarrass her for not doing her homework. Let her not complete it and send an email to the teacher to get her to answer a bunch of questions from the homework. She'll be totally horrified and would probably complete her homework from that point on.

[Ja Rhule]

Intimidation works the best on people... The younger you are the easier you are intimidated. When you take their TV away or make em do poo, in their head you just an asshole, they lose respect for you when they get older. When you use intimidation, they fear you and respect you. Intimidation can go from yelling to ass whooping.

[SCP]

My soon to be 8 year old is going through a serious not-listening phase right now. He's a bit spoiled. It's rubbing off on the soon to be 3 year old. It's so frustrating at times. I like some of LIAG's ideas. Between stress at work and everything else it's hard to keep patience these days. I have really become reactionary and fast to just take stuff away or argue. My New Years resolution is to be that patient dad I used to be.

[SZ James (banned)]

I don't have kids but that punishment jar sounds ridiculous

"Write ten things you like about Mom and Dad"... WHY?

I dunno I like the ncbiscuit common sense approach. Take away their shït for a day or something.

[Inimicus]

Id caution against using chores as punishment.

We did and its totally backfired on us. We conditioned our child to associate work with punishment. Now I wish she had a better work ethic.

I often say that the plural of anecdote is not data so I know that my one example could be unique but just throwing it out there...

[The_Light_Brigade]

We conditioned our child to associate work with punishment. Now I wish she had a better work ethic.

I really think this is the exact problem I have.

[The_Light_Brigade]

You could resort to the old marine method. Which my best friend and I had to do a couple of times. His dad would make us dig a massive hole in his yard (supposedly to plant a large tree) then he would come out look at it and say "nah, i don't want it there, fill that one back in, and dig one about 15 feet to the left"......asshole

[Darth Biscuit]

idk about the conditioning part of it, we've just never done that, but I could see how that would happen. Our boys have certain chores they are expected to do, no matter what. I've found that taking away something that they really care about is really the only way to get thru to them.

We never really spanked when they were little except for things that were dangerous... such as one time my oldest pushed my youngest down the stairs... I whipped his ass for that. Spanking now would be useless.

With my oldest, now that he has his license and wants to go and do, we can simply take his keys and/or his computer. Those are pretty much what he cares about.

[Bronn]

My son's only two, so we've got a long road ahead of us for discipline techniques...

Right now, if he is bad at daycare (ie. they give us a report that he has bit someone or been bad somehow), depending on how severe it is, we typically don't let him play with his toys when he gets home. We also try to talk to him in a way that he understands why, and that he has to not do the bad things in order to be able to enjoy his toys and things at home.

If he's bad around us, we'll threaten timeout and spanking. Stage two is timeout. Stage three is a spanking + removal of toys/fun.

It hurts the poo out of me to see him cry/hurt/upset when it comes to stage 3 (which is only hard enough to startle him and never hard enough to really hurt him), but it has been totally effective and lessons have been learned.

[Ja Rhule]

My dad was in army... He made me do crazy poo. Push ups, sit ups, run... He'd make me clean my room then he would walk in and swipe his finger in some dark corner and it would have dust... He would tell me to start cleaning my room all over again and he'll come back in an hour to check. Some days it took me almost 10 hours to clean my room for his approval... When I lied or disobey him, ass whooping with a thick leather belt was incoming. My ass was black and blue. My sister got pretty similar treatment. My sister and I love my dad. He always reward us when we did good, always. But he always made us pay when we fuged up.

[SZ James (banned)]

The question is what do you do when they get used to being deprived or scolded or even spanked and dgaf

That's what I wanna know