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The creepiest poo you will see today


Cary Kollins

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There are mysteries that are so eerie and strange that they boggle the mind for days on end. The case of Elisa Lam is one of them. In February 2013, this 21-year-old student from Vancouver, Canada, was found dead inside the Cecil Hotel’s rooftop water tank in Los Angeles. The L.A. County Department of Coroner ruled the death “accidental due to drowning” and said no traces of drugs or alcohol were found during the autopsy. However, there is much more to the story than what is implied by police reports. The first piece of evidence that needs to be considered is an elevator surveillance tape that recorded Elisa’s behavior only a few moments before she lost her life.

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If the point of all this is that the elevator acting up is symptomatic of the building's possession by the evil spirits of murder, suicide and rape that occurred therein, then my office building must have been the site of a puppy holocaust or experimental brain surgery on mental patients. Because the elevator in the building is friggin' evil; it goddamn attacks you with its doors. They stay open for like a second and a half, way too little time to effectively enter the elevator, and then the door closes with FORCE. I swear it has ignored the motion sensors and shoulder-checked me to the ground on two occasions.

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