Deadspin: why your team sucks 2014 Falcons and Bucs

[Rules&Regulations]

I hate Atlanta as much as the next person, but that aquarium is awesome.

Also, while they may live in the south, Atlanteans are not southerners.

[Mark S]

We are the next team up, says it at the end of the Bucs article. I'm in for a good laugh.

[Rules&Regulations]

We are the next team up, says it at the end of the Bucs article. I'm in for a good laugh.

Pitchforks ready!

[Mark S]

Pitchforks ready!

Predictions?

[Gabeking]

Atlanta has no redeeming quality, but it is hypocritical as hell for anyone from that frozen liberal shithole called Minnesota to talk poo about it.

liberals... just the WORST right

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[FuFuLamePoo]

Predictions?

i expect our receivers, offensive line, and running backs all to take a hit. I bet he'll really focus in on the misconception that we had a disastrous offseason. (Even if he knows we didn't it's a parody article and he has to go off something). He'll also mention how the panthers tend to return to mediocrity for a few years after having a good season.

[cbarrier90]

Predictions?

 

- The 12-4 record was luck and we got all the breaks possible (kinda true) and will talk about the team getting eviscerated in the playoffs

 

- Ron Rivera will revert back to his old self. He will mock the fact that Mike Shula has a job by pointing out his Tampa record and stint at Alabama (also a fair point) 

 

- He will overstate the turnover in the WR corps and who we replaced it with.

 

- Something about JR's emotionless expression during the games and/or his history of "being cheap" and his role in the lockout

 

-You can copy and paste everything he said about Atlanta and Tampa area and fans and apply it to all of his Southeast cities.

 

- The fan emails will feature 1a. Guy who lives in the area that says no one cares, 1b. Guy who lives in the area that says everyone supports another team 2. Guy who wonders why he cares because of the stupid mistakes of management/ownership etc. 3. Guy who says the fanbase is full of idiots because they can't appreciate what they have in Kuechly, Newton, etc.

 

- He will mention Luke Kuechly and the call against the Patriots, but, in a rare twist, while he will take his shots at Cam Newton, he will also reference the Newton portion of Greg Howard's Deadspin article from last season about the history of black QB's in the NFL and how Cam Newton's mannerisms always make sportswriters and fans give dumb hot sports takes.

[Mark S]

I wonder what he'll say about Charlotte

[bababoey]

Best quote in the whole article about Atlanta is after the story, random  quotes from people:

 

"Andrew:

 

Atlanta has more people with Ebola than Super Bowl rings."

 

You know the CDC is there, you would think they could fix that.  Oh, yea, I forgot, they suck.

 

 

[teeray]

Pretty damn funny, except the shots to southern people.

 

If Buffalo gets plenty of ice how come it is always the northern asshole who is spun out on the side of the road during ice storms?

[L-TownCat]

 

Atlanta has more people with Ebola than Super Bowl rings.

 

 

Best.   Burn.   EVER!

 

edit.  damn i got beat.  still fuggin funny.

[L-TownCat]

From the Bucs piece. 

 

Football-wise, the team cut ties with Darrelle Revis after burning two draft picks on him and handing him $16 million. Revis is now a Patriot, and of course he will instantly revert to All-Pro form now that he's out of Tampa. God goddamn you, Bucs. Stop handing New England good defensive backs for nothing. The Bucs tried to make up for Revis' loss by signing Mike Jenkins (who is fuging terrible) and Alterraun Verner (who cannot possibly be worse than Mike Jenkins). They also drafted receiver and world's greatest interview Mike Evans to help out Jike McGlenClown.

Also, Josh Freeman has died. I'm all but certain of it.

 

[lola]

These are freaking amazing. Literally made my day.

Sent from my iPhone using CarolinaHuddle

[London Loves Luke]

- The 12-4 record was luck and we got all the breaks possible (kinda true) and will talk about the team getting eviscerated in the playoffs

 

- Ron Rivera will revert back to his old self. He will mock the fact that Mike Shula has a job by pointing out his Tampa record and stint at Alabama (also a fair point) 

 

- He will overstate the turnover in the WR corps and who we replaced it with.

 

- Something about JR's emotionless expression during the games and/or his history of "being cheap" and his role in the lockout

 

-You can copy and paste everything he said about Atlanta and Tampa area and fans and apply it to all of his Southeast cities.

 

- The fan emails will feature 1a. Guy who lives in the area that says no one cares, 1b. Guy who lives in the area that says everyone supports another team 2. Guy who wonders why he cares because of the stupid mistakes of management/ownership etc. 3. Guy who says the fanbase is full of idiots because they can't appreciate what they have in Kuechly, Newton, etc.

 

- He will mention Luke Kuechly and the call against the Patriots, but, in a rare twist, while he will take his shots at Cam Newton, he will also reference the Newton portion of Greg Howard's Deadspin article from last season about the history of black QB's in the NFL and how Cam Newton's mannerisms always make sportswriters and fans give dumb hot sports takes.

 

This was surprisingly good, you're on the wrong side of the keyboard buddy.