fyi this is the first and last time i will ever try selling something online

[Jbro]

Original ad:

White iPhone 3G network 16 gig for sale - great condition comes with usb/home charger and screen protection case. $350 *******@gmail.com

From Me to *******@gmail.com (Dec 6 9:38 PM):

Hey,

Is your iPhone still available?

Mike

From *******@gmail.com to Me (Dec 7 3:24 AM):

yes.

From Me to *******@gmail.com (Dec 7 3:25 AM):

What the hell is wrong with you? Do you have any idea what time it is?

From *******@gmail.com to Me (Dec 7 3:29 AM):

uh...its like 3:30. whats the problem?

From Me to *******@gmail.com (Dec 7 3:34 AM):

Yeah, 3:30 in the morning, prick! Both my wife and I have to get up for work at 6 and you just woke us up. My wife suffers from sleep anxiety and probably won't be able to fall back asleep. Couldn't this have waited until the morning?

From *******@gmail.com to Me (Dec 7 3:37 AM):

how is that my fault? its not like i called you. i just got home from the bar and saw your email so i responded. its email...who cares what time it is? how could that wake you up?

From Me to *******@gmail.com (Dec 7 3:42 AM):

Oh, so in your drunken stupor you decided it would be a good idea to wake up my entire family at 3:30 in the morning? I have my computer hooked up to a 7.1 surround sound system, and Outlook plays a sound every time I receive an e-mail. It damn near rattled the house when you sent it. You woke up our three month old baby and now he is crying.

I have a meeting with some big-time clients today, and now I am going to be falling asleep in the meeting. Thanks a lot, douchebag.

From *******@gmail.com to Me (Dec 7 3:44 AM):

hey look fine young male its not my fuging fault you leave your computer on loud as fug in the middle of the night. you must be real fugin dumb. you have a baby and a wife with sleep problems and you think that is a good idea? fug you guy

From Me to *******@gmail.com (Dec 7 3:48 AM):

I don't like your attitude, pal. First you wake up my entire family, and now you curse me out? This is unacceptable. By the way, my wife was so distraught from you waking her up that she accidentally microwaved our baby's milk too long. The baby was scalded with burning hot milk, and now we have to go to the hospital. I hope you are happy with yourself. Is this how you normally sell iPhones on the internet?

From *******@gmail.com to Me (Dec 7 3:55 AM):

yes, i always sell phones by waking up idiot families and burning babies with milk...NO

boy are you fuging retarded! fyi this is the first and last time i will ever try selling something online, now i know why peope dont use this poo- because only RETARDS use it!

http://dontevenreply.com/

[Ja Rhule]

wow... I tho he might have a blackberry but he got pc on? lol

[Jangler]

Me is an asshole

[Carolina Husker]

Well that escalated quickly.

[Mr. Scot]

Couldda been worse. At least you weren't selling a couch.

[Ccat]

I wouldn't be surprised if that was some asshole messing with you and making all that stuff up

[tarheelblue89]

Sweet, thanks Jbro, another website to distract me from getting poo done.

[Jackofalltrades]

350 for a 3G?

Lmao

[Jbro]

I wouldn't be surprised if that was some asshole messing with you and making all that stuff up

[CharlotteBeer.com]

Well that escalated quickly.

I mean, that really got out of hand fast!

[CharlotteBeer.com]

Oh man, I can tell I'm going to waste a lot of time on this one. "Angry TV Buyer" is hilarious!

[mmmbeans]

Warning: The following post contains graphic images. If you are offended by the sight of food-dye, corn syrup, and ground beef, you may not want to read this.

Original ad:

Humane "hav a heart" traps for kittens needed

There are some kittens in my neighborhood that need to find good homes. I need a trap 4 the cats to help bring them in. Please email me if you have a trap (and a heart)!

From Me to *********@********.org:

Hello,

Are you still looking for a trap for cats?

Mike

From Deb ******* to Me:

Yes I am can you help me?

From Me to Deb *******:

I most certainly can! I believe this trap is for those who want to "have a heart." I used it to catch a stray cat that kept coming into my garage. It is called the KittyHugger. All you have to do is put some cat food on the trigger, and when the cat comes to eat it, the trap gently contracts into a hugging position and comfortably hugs the cat until you come back to deal with the little guy. Please let me know if this will work.

Mike

From Deb ******* to Me:

Mike- I have never heard of a trap like that. I was referring to the "Havahart" traps...you know like the cages for animals?? Do you have any pictures of the trap? I'd like to see how it works before I get it. Thanks.

From Me to Deb *******:

Absolutely. I've attached a picture of it. Sorry if it is a little messy; I haven't cleaned the trap in a while.

From Deb ******* to Me:

YOU'RE SICK!

From Me to Deb *******:

Excuse me?

From Deb ******* to Me:

You killed that poor cat OMG

From Me to Deb *******:

I didn't kill the cat. I told you it was a little messy. The last cat I caught knocked over the bowl of juice I gave him so he wouldn't get thirsty. As you can see, it made quite the mess. I assure you this trap is 100% safe and humane.

From Deb ******* to Me:

IT OBVIOUSLY IS NOT SAFE. IT IS COVERED IN BLOOD

From Me to Deb *******:

You've clearly never seen a juice spill before. You have a twisted imagination if you think that is blood. I guess you don't want the trap.

Before you give up on me, I have one more trap you may be interested in. I actually think it is one of those Have a Heart traps you were talking about, though I've never heard it called that.

Please see the attachments. As you can see from the pictures, the kitty will have plenty of room to be safe and comfortable. It comes with a black tube at the end that is used to pump warm air into the cage to keep him warm while he waits to be released.

I'm sorry I didn't have time to clean the trap. It is still a little messy because the last cat I had in there spilled his bowl of juice and his cat food. It went everywhere!

Mike

From Deb ******* to Me:

Wow can't you read the ad you sick jerk? I DON'T WANT TO KILL THEM

How you managed to turn that trap into a bloody mess is a mystery to me but keep the hell away from me!!!

lol.

[Mvp2014]

omg hahah

[Carolina Husker]

I wouldn't be surprised if that was some asshole messing with you and making all that stuff up