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JR loved him and from what Iâve read, Steve viewed him as a father figure. Â Again, there was talk of him being released after the Bright and Lucas situations from what I recall. Â I think the only way he survived those was JR. Â and to further your point he even said in this interview that he skipped offseason workouts his whole career here and told Marty to keep that money from his next deal but he wasnât coming because she had his own trainer. Â We NEVER heard any of that during his career. -
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Prepare yourselves for a mid-week novel:  Iâve shared before, Steve was my favorite player and I met him at the caravan tour at Ft. Bragg in 05, I believe it was⌠ I had got off work, got dressed and drove on to the base (Iâm originally from Fayetteville, born and raised and lived right outside of the city then), waited in a long line out in the sun while the players were under the tent.  No lie, the line was probably a solid 100 ft from the tent, and the signings werenât necessarily quick.  It was Rod Smart, Colin Branch, and Steve.  There was a 4th player, but I canât really remember who it was now.  Anyway, Rod and Steve were the only ones I really cared about getting autographs from.  I was about 21, so still a little green in some ways, but as I said, being from Fayetteville, I was naturally street smart and observant, which in hindsight was part of what made me love Steve as a player - he was an underdog, a guy from a rough environment with a ton of heart and he wore it on his sleeve - I saw him as the NFL version of guys like me in everyday life⌠ guys who had to scrape and scrap just to get considered even with people who had poo given to them.  And not to go Al Bundy, but when I played sports, I played the same way.  Like a Steve Smith, an Allen Iverson⌠ 100 miles an hour every play.  I surprised people with my quickness, my violence, my physicality.  I played angry and with reckless abandon.  But, I also related because I was never given anything.  I always had to fight, and my upbringing was also rough.  So, meeting him was more than just a fan interaction for me, it was like a genuine putting a real face to a hero.  But, as the old saying goes, never meet your heroes⌠ So, back to it⌠I get off work, middle of summer, Iâm waiting in the hot sun, I finally get right up to the tent and some PR person comes up as Iâm the next person up to walk to the table and they ask Steve to come over and do something with some kids for a minute.  I step out of the line.  I canât remember if they also asked one of the other guys to do something, so there was only like two players out of the four, so I figured Iâd wait.  I think he tossed a ball around with the kids for a minute or something, but again, you could tell it was very structured to look a certain way.  Iâm paying attention to it because I kind of feel like if Steve isnât at the tent, I donât even know if I feel like getting in the line again.  So after probably like 15-30 more minutes of waiting in the heat, it looks like the PR/media people are telling him he has to go back to the tent.  I think he had walked in like a camper or something, comes back out and a security guy is escorting him over to the signing table.  And again, at 21, Iâm not familiar with how these events work.  I assume you can interact or talk with them at anytime your paths may cross, because thatâs why theyâre here, right? So, Iâm like, man, I already waited all this time, and I sat in the line the first go round and they had him leave right as I was coming up, so Iâll just see if I can get him to sign it before he sits down at the table.  Mind you, I didnât bring anything like a scalper or memorabilia guy⌠ I just showed up for the experience.  They handed us like a team photo and if you didnât bring your own stuff, thatâs what they signed.  So, the security guy is escorting him over to the table, I walk up, and mind you, again, as a street smart kid, I am mindful of my approach.  I donât present myself as a threat, I am very laid back, not pressed at all, and I project myself as a well-meaning, good-intentioned 21 year old kid.  I walk up in a way that they see me approaching from diagnolly in front of them - no weird, creepy poo⌠ and I say, âhey Steve!  I just waited in the line before you had to go off and just missed you.  Do I have to wait in line again to have you sign this [the team photo]?â  I look him in the eyes.  And at this point, I have also observed, Steve is about an inch or two shorter than me, but his forearms are the size of most peopleâs calves, and his calves the size of most peopleâs quads.  Dude is stocky as hell.  At that time, I was sub-10% body fat, about 155 lbs, at 5â10â.  I wasnât into weights then, so again, non-threatening.  Steve looks me in my face.  I continue to walk alongside of him.  We continue to occasionally make eye contact as weâre walking and Iâm waiting for an answer.  I donât recall asking again, but am still waiting.  His whole body language shifts.  He looks up and looks straight through me.  If youâve ever seen someone look at you with ZERO humanity or respect for your life (usually if you were in a dangerous situation), that was exactly how Steve looked at me.  I felt I was a threat to him and he was on the defensive.  I continued to walk beside them for what was a just a few steps and seconds, again, nothing weird like I didnât catch a hint or anything, but it felt like an eternity of awkward silence and uncomfortability.  It became so unnerving in just that few short seconds, while me and Steve were essentially sizing each other up, the security guy I could tell started feeling the tension.  He kept looking at Steve. Then me.  Then Steve.  Then me again with a âdamn, arenât you gonna fuging answer him or at least acknowledge him?â kind of look.  And that was the thing that was so disrespectful, is Steve besides looking like he wanted to murder me, he never said a fuging word.  I think after shooting me that look, he essentially just looked away and kept walking.  Didnât say a word.  The security guy felt super uncomfortable and kind of stepped between us and was hurriedly and nervously stammering, âuhhhâŚ. UhhhâŚ. Ye- yea- Uhhh, yeah, man!  You got to get in line.  Go back and get in line.â  I was just like, âAhh, okay,  cool.â  Went back in line.   At this point, Iâm replaying the whole interaction.  I almost wanted to leave without even getting anything signed.  I was bothered, disappointed, irritated, in a bit of disbelief, and honestly, pissed off.  Like, bro, I look up to you.  Youâre a couple years older than me.  I didnât do anything weird or creepy.  Iâm a real dude.  I just came out of appreciation and support and you treated me like absolute poo in the bottom of your shoe.  So then, all my thoughts are like, âfug him.  Who the fug does he think he is?â  And I donât have any illusions, especially at that place in my life physically, he wouldâve absolutely whooped my ass.  But I ainât no bitch and never have been.  If it came down to it, imma get my shots in even if I get my ass whooped.  That was always my mentality.  If Iâm gonna go out, Iâm gonna go out fighting.  So Iâm thinking through all of this⌠ like I was just trying to be nice and you just disrespected me, and because of the structure of things, I had to let it slide.  And to be honest, I stand in business when needed, but Iâm also not a confrontational guy.  I prefer the path of least resistance, but I donât tolerate disrespect.  So again, processing all of this, Iâm just ping-ponging my own thoughts like, âI should just leave, fug him.  He ainât nobody.  Who tf does he think he is?â  versus, âWell, maybe did I approach wrong?  How would I feel if I was him?  Let me remove emotion from this and what does it look like.  Actually, you know what?  Be the bigger person and go through the line again and show him you meant no harm and youâre a good dude.  You can redeem this interaction.â  So, ultimately I went with the latter.  I saw Steve interact with all of the people ahead of me, and I will say, he was fantastic with all of the kids.  And I saw even a few of the men, he laughed with and had some seemingly genuine exchanges, so Iâm thinking it was just that he didnât want to be approached outside of that setting⌠ okay, cool.  So, Iâll just put my best foot forward and weâll salvage this day.  I finally get up to him at the tent and I ask, âhowâs the leg Steve? [this was before the 2005 season, after he had broke his leg/ankle against the packers the year before]â. He signs the photo and without even looking up is just like, âYeah itâs good.â  Short as hell.  I was like, âGreat to hear, man!  I appreciate you and hope you have a great season!â  He just says thanks, again, without ever looking and onto the next person.  Every response was short as hell and cold as ice.  Dude was a certified dickhead.   After the whole thing, ultimately, I felt bad for going.  I really wished I hadnât.  I now had a completely different image of Steve, and not that he cared, but him at the time being a hero of mine, it shattered all of that.  I probably thought about that interaction the whole drive home and actually regretted not only going, but that I even went back in the line and waited to still have the brief interaction and signing  - because again, growing up in the environment I did, if itâs fug me then itâs fug you.  Hero or not, you ainât poo to me either once I know what the energy is.  But I have always tried to default on being the bigger person, but that poo doesnât always feel good.  So, really I was just kind of like, âdamn, that poo sucked.â  That was the overall feeling I had.  He just seemed unjustifiably unhinged and on some real psycho poo.   So, after that point, I still was a fan of the player and the way he played the game, and always found him entertaining, but thought he was just a real shitty human being.  Sometimes, because of what he projected with certain things, like I remember E60 did some piece on his faith and him washing the feet of the homeless and they interviewed his wife and tried to frame it as some redemptive thing⌠ I would always look at it as fluff.  Because I could still see who he was.  I would think to myself, âainât no way heâs this stand-up, faithful guy, family man.â  Because just like he says he is, I also come from a rough background, and as a result, I study people.  I observe them.  I watch behaviors and patterns.  Irregularities.  Ticks.  Their approaches and reactions.  And some poo is embedded at a core level for people.  Iâm not God, so at the end of the day, who he is or isnât is between him and God.  But, I just knew he was a selfish, asshole of a person - that was embedded in his core.  I saw it that day.  But to be fair, also as Iâve gotten older, I realize people are a product of their environment and experiences.  So, some people develop certain behaviors and mechanisms out of survival, be it physical or mental.  And he, like I have, did just that, and itâs shaped much of his life, good and bad.  So, on one hand, I get it.  But, outside of someone posing a threat to me, I could never see myself treating people that way.  I also could never see myself having my fragile feelings so hurt that I punch a teammate and break his eye socket for asking to see a play I failed on.  I also couldnât see myself punching a man from behind him while he is unaware and on a knee.  I also couldnât see myself cheating on my wife (and kids) for a cum dumpster and then acting with zero remorse after.  Even as protective as he acted of his wife and her reputation throughout his career, I saw through that poo.  He almost fought Michael Irvin in a NFL Network broadcast for insulting the suit his wife picked out for him.  If she mattered that much to you, you wouldnât have been rawdogging a skeezer that apparently most of Baltimore had had before you.  So, if you ask me - and who tf am I? - Steve is a dick.  Straight up.  Heâs not a good dude.  He might have some good moments, but you can tell a lot by someoneâs actions, not their words.  Even in that interview, Chan calls Jake trash and all Steve said was, âHe got me paid.â  He didnât honor him, appreciate him, take up for him, even with a guy that he admitted he had bad blood with for almost a decade.  You just let them poo in the QB that got you the triple crown and most of your hall of fame stats.  And then laughed about it.  By the way, he still works with Jake when he does Panthers preseason.  He has to look at that guy and be around him.  He just illustrated that Jake, and everyone else, is a means to an end.  What can he get out of people?  What can people do for him?  Thatâs the point for Steve.  And for all the talk about therapy, he still says stuff like that bullshit about if you beat someone up, just because they lost, they say itâs unfair afterwards and he cheap shotted him.  Thatâs some sweet revisionist history because we know for a fact that he cheapshotted Lucas.  It was reported in and even photographed.  And by all reports of the Anthony Bright attack, he also cheapshotted him.  There was even talk that the Panthers might release him for his actions.  And iirc, didnât he settle a suit with Bright?  He also said something to the effect of how the 4 of them made it to the level they did, and anybody criticism him hasnât made it to that point or done what heâs done, so basically non-athletes are less than.  All of that paints a very full picture.  And even them joking at the end where he says he might get Chan and say he was in his house and it was self-defense - which also came off a little clunky and unsettling, because he also said heâs familiar with his house, and a Chan isnât.  I got the feeling that also alluded to guns. And Chan, like I did, laughs it off and plays the bigger person role⌠ Steve laughed, but he ainât joking.  He also made an allusion earlier in the interview that âyou might be my neighbor, but if you come knocking and asking âwhatâs going on?â You ainât gonna like the person thatâs answering the door and what they have in their hand,â which Iâm assuming he means a gun.  Your 46 years old and alluding to pulling a gun on someone who presents as a concerned, even if nosy, individual.  You can handle that without a gun and eliminate it being a problem moving forward, so why reference that?   I also am old school and default to âmind your business.â  But thatâs unsettling.  Iâm not gonna lie, Steve does not seem happy like he says.  He does not seem matured or healed.  He does not seem changed.  He still comes off as narcissistic, selfish, and at times, unhinged.  He has brief moments of humanity.  But again, even in describing his interactions with teammates he fought, there is ZERO accountability.  In talking about his affair, he takes zero accountability in facing what he did - he wonât talk about it or explain it because he says he doesnât owe it to anyone.  He says, âI was wrong,â and thatâs it.  Thatâs not taking ownership or accountability, itâs lip service.  He goes onto say the only thing he regrets about it is how it affected his kids.  The same wife he cared for all those years publicly, now doesnât mean poo?  You donât care how it hurt her or affected her or turned her life upside down or humiliated her?  Thatâs some sociopathic poo.  Again, Steve is entertaining, and I pray he finds peace and healing, but after watching that whole interview, I am concerned his story will not have a happy ending.  He is not well. Â
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