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Should I be worried?

hepcat

By hepcat,
in Huddle Lounge

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hepcat Grand Master

hepcat

Posted
Posted

So tomorrow me and my lady are heading to NC.  We went to college together in Asheville and now live in Texas.  The plan is to fly into Asheville for the weekend, rent a car on Monday and drive to Wilmington to see my parents, then go to Charleston to see her grandmother then fly home.  She's been calling her old friends she knew in college and apparently she doesn't really have any friends who live in Asheville anymore.  So, she made plans to go to Raleigh to visit friends she has there for the weekend and have me pick her up on the way to Wilmington.  No big deal right?

 

Well, she's getting a ride to Raleigh from a guy she knew in college.  A few years ago before she moved to Texas (and before we were together), she hooked up with this guy while he had a girlfriend THAT MY GF WAS ALSO FRIENDS WITH.  Didn't seem to matter to either of them that they he had a girlfriend at the time or that she was friends with her.  She's not only going to Raleigh to spend time with just him.  He doesn't even live there.  Her old college friend group is all meeting up in Raleigh this weekend and it worked out that he was driving there from Asheville.  

 

But considering this history, should I be worried they might hook up again?  Is it wrong to say something to her about it or should I just trust her?  For the most part I do trust her because we've never had any issues with cheating and we have a strong and happy relationship.  Just the fact she's hanging around a guy she hooked up with once who didn't seem to care he had a girlfriend has me worried.  Thoughts?

 

 

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Anybodyhome Grand Master

Anybodyhome

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1. Exactly what is the relationship between you both?

2. Does she know that you know she hooked up with this guy? If she doesn't know, I'd certainly mention it and be honest about your trepidation...

3. So, you're flying into Asheville and she's immediately off to Raleigh? You're spending the weekend in Asheville while she's in Raleigh, both of you catching up with old friends? There's no compromise she spend 1 day in Asheville w/you & friends and you spend 1 day w/her & friends in Raleigh? I'd be a little concerned that some guy is driving 4.5 hours from Raleigh to Asheville and back just to give her a ride... unless there's more to the ride....

4. How long ago was all this?

 

Bottom line- I gave up being tactful, compassionate, understanding years ago after a few failed marriages. Now I say what's on my mind, I ask the questions and I voice my concerns because at the end of the day, I'm responsible for my feelings. And if I lose trust and allow myself to get hurt, I didn't do my due diligence in protecting my feelings. 

 

And, yes, what Darth said... I'd be up Sunday morning driving the 2 hours to Charlotte and scoop a ticket to the game. SIngles are easy to find for good prices anywhere outside the stadium an hour before the game. By the time the game is over and you've made your way out of the Charlotte traffic, you could easily be in Raleigh Sunday night by 8PM latest.

 

 

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hepcat Grand Master

hepcat

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1. Exactly what is the relationship between you both?

2. Does she know that you know she hooked up with this guy? If she doesn't know, I'd certainly mention it and be honest about your trepidation...

3. So, you're flying into Asheville and she's immediately off to Raleigh? You're spending the weekend in Asheville while she's in Raleigh, both of you catching up with old friends? There's no compromise she spend 1 day in Asheville w/you & friends and you spend 1 day w/her & friends in Raleigh? I'd be a little concerned that some guy is driving 4.5 hours from Raleigh to Asheville and back just to give her a ride... unless there's more to the ride....

4. How long ago was all this?

 

Bottom line- I gave up being tactful, compassionate, understanding years ago after a few failed marriages. Now I say what's on my mind, I ask the questions and I voice my concerns because at the end of the day, I'm responsible for my feelings. And if I lose trust and allow myself to get hurt, I didn't do my due diligence in protecting my feelings. 

 

And, yes, what Darth said... I'd be up Sunday morning driving the 2 hours to Charlotte and scoop a ticket to the game. SIngles are easy to find for good prices anywhere outside the stadium an hour before the game. By the time the game is over and you've made your way out of the Charlotte traffic, you could easily be in Raleigh Sunday night by 8PM latest.

 

1) We've been together about 3 years now.  Pretty solid overall relationship, no problems with cheating or anything.  

2) Yes she's the one that told me about it (albeit she told me a couple years ago)

3) Yea he's picking her up at the airport when we land.  He still lives in Asheville so he's not really going out of his way to give her a ride.

4) They hooked up almost 4 years ago, before she moved to Texas.  

 

I do plan to say something to her.  I'm not upset that she's heading to Raleigh because I have a lot of friends that I want to see in Asheville and since she doesn't really have anyone she wants to see it's just better if she went to Raleigh.  I'd feel obligated to keep her entertained.

 

BTW - I'm watching the game with some old friends of mine who used to watch games with me when we lived in Asheville.  I considered going to the game but it's just too much driving on top of what I'm already doing.  Would be a hell of a lot of fun though.  

 

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hepcat Grand Master

hepcat

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That seems... odd.  

 

Was it just a one time drunken hook up and they're otherwise just friends, or something else???

 

 

 

Where are you watching the game... that seems like the most important thing to me here.

 

Not sure of the circumstances under which they hooked up but it was a one time thing.  They were friends before it happened.

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Inimicus Mentor

Inimicus

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I do trust her.  I don't trust the guy, at all.  So...that's what's got me worried.

 

So you think he would force her?

 

 

Brother if you think dude might sexually assault your girl you should beat his ass anyway.

 

 

If you mean you think he might start trying to mack on her then again I'd ask, do you trust her?

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