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What should I do?

Floppin

By Floppin,
in Huddle Lounge

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Ja Rhule Grand Master

Ja Rhule

Posted
Posted

Well yeah, she's my daughter's mother so I'll always love her in some way. But here's the deal. She cheated on me and left me for some other guy. Then over the entire almost two year period that she's living with the guy, she's fuging me still. She had plenty of chances to come back to me, but now that this guy has decided that he's done with the relationship, she wants to come back home? How can I ever just get over that poo, and can I really ever trust her?

 

Don't.  And it's her job to fix things and prove you she loves you and not another way around.  You doing this for your kid.  I'd still see other people if I were you.  You should let her know where you guys stay.  Set the bounderies.  If she went back to sleep with you it means she never got over you.  Deep inside she still loves you.  Maybe other guy had money and she got things and treatment from him she never got from you.  I don't know.  You know what they say... If person really loves you, you should let them go and see if they comeback to you.  I know few couples that it happened too.  The trust thing will always be an issue but if you want to make it work for your daughter.  One of my coworkers is in open relationship with his wife... they love eachother but they bang other people as well.  When I see them together, you would never guess... they always happy together.

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Darth Biscuit Mentor

Darth Biscuit

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I have no fuging clue. 

 

OK, so you're just considering it and haven't got a feeling either way...

 

idk man, it's tough.

 

Just loving her bc she's the mother of your kid isn't really enough.

 

Can you ever trust her again?  I think you know the answer to that.  You never really will... or at the very least it will be years of her proving herself to you before you do, and even then it'll be in the back of your mind.

 

Is this decision going to affect you seeing your daughter?  If so, how much?

 

 

If she moves back in, are you going to "be together" or is she just gonna be living there and you can pursue other relationships...  poo I have more questions than answers...

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Ja Rhule Grand Master

Ja Rhule

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OK, so you're just considering it and haven't got a feeling either way...

 

idk man, it's tough.

 

Just loving her bc she's the mother of your kid isn't really enough.

 

Can you ever trust her again?  I think you know the answer to that.  You never really will... or at the very least it will be years of her proving herself to you before you do, and even then it'll be in the back of your mind.

 

Is this decision going to affect you seeing your daughter?  If so, how much?

 

 

If she moves back in, are you going to "be together" or is she just gonna be living there and you can pursue other relationships...  poo I have more questions than answers...

 

 

I think the answer should be this... You guys should go from relationship to partnership.

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Floppin Grand Master

Floppin

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If she comes to stay and it's agreed that we aren't going to rehash our relationship then it has to be temporary. I can't imagine a scenario with us both trying to date other people while living together. 

 

"Hey girl, you want to come back to my place? I have a roommate but she's probably asleep..."

 

"Who's your roommate?"
 

"My baby momma..."

 

"No.....I think I have to mow my lawn in the morning..."

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Darth Biscuit Mentor

Darth Biscuit

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If she comes to stay and it's agreed that we aren't going to rehash our relationship then it has to be temporary. I can't imagine a scenario with us both trying to date other people while living together. 

 

"Hey girl, you want to come back to my place? I have a roommate but she's probably asleep..."

 

"Who's your roommate?"

 

"My baby momma..."

 

"No.....I think I have to mow my lawn in the morning..."

 

So it's either relationship or don't live together.  That makes sense.

 

You gotta decide if you want her back then... no one can make that decision.

 

 

Based on what you've said, and what I know, I'd say let it go and move on.  Don't make a decision about a relationship with this girl solely on the fact that she's your daughters mother and/or how it will affect your relationship with your daughter.

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Bronn Contributor

Bronn

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TBQH bro, I would tell her no...

 

At the very worst, she'll get mad at you for a while or whatever. DO NOT let her play your daughter as some sort of bargaining chip.

 

It sounds to me like, if you let her come back, you're going to be an enabler for her continued poor decisions.

She doesn't care about you enough to make it work before, and it sounds like she's a user. She'd likely come back until she found someone else she wanted to use and then take off again.

Don't let her use you, and you'll feel better about yourself in the end.

Your daughter needs stability, and it sounds like you can provide that more than her mom can, despite your past. If I were you, and you cared enough, then I would even try to get custody.

 

Not trying to judge you at all, but you gotta step up and be your girl's daddy no matter what her crazy mom is doing.

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Floppin Grand Master

Floppin

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If I were you, and you cared enough, then I would even try to get custody.

We have equal custody. I only have her three days a week though because I manage a restaurant and work nights. I live by myself and don't really have any friends or family in the area that could watch her while I work.

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Harris Aballah Newbie

Harris Aballah

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Bronn is correct. Self discipline and sacrifice are big parts of being a parent. You do not have the responsibilities of a husband anymore. But you are obligated to be a father. The daughter could live with me until the mother finds stability in her own life, and then we'd let the daughter decide who she wants to live with at that point. The childs stability is priority #1. but I'd stop sleeping with the mother asap.

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