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Deadspin: why your team sucks 2014 Falcons and Bucs

FuFuLamePoo

By FuFuLamePoo,
in Carolina Panthers

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FuFuLamePoo Mentor

FuFuLamePoo

Posted
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By  far the best thing Deadspin does each year, they go through and write about why every NFL team sucks.  The last two days they've done the Falcons and Bucs.  Hilarious lol

 

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-atlanta-falcons-1618139918

 

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-tampa-bay-buccaneers-1619306481

 

If you're wondering if you should read this or not here's how he feels about the city of Atlanta: 

 

What has always sucked: As always, I will start here by disclosing that I am a Vikings fan, so fug Atlanta eternally for the 1998 NFC title game.

No, really. fug YOU. With a nail gun. God, we'll never be that good again. It still hurts. It hurts my essence. The Falcons ruin everything for everyone. They are the neighbor you feel obligated to invite to the party and you hope they don't show up to the party but then they DO show up to the party and you're like why the fug did you come to my party? That's the Falcons every year.

I actually saw the city for the first time this year. Normal Americans like me usually only go to Atlanta for no other purpose than to endure a layover, but this time I actually left the airport and went into town! And in downtown Atlanta there was … nothing. Nothing at all. Apparently all the good parts of Atlanta aren't in, like, Atlanta Atlanta. They are in other Atlantas and thus are a two-mile, 158-minute drive away. Downtown Atlanta has an aquarium, a hotel, a McCormick & Schmick's, and 70,000 TGI Friday's. I don't even know if the buildings are real. The whole downtown may just be a set. I couldn't even find a donut joint. It was like Ebola had swept through the town years ago, instead of just this week. No wonder they did the Walking Dead premiere in that city. You don't have to change anything.

Greater Atlanta is a train wreck. Every street is named Peachtree. Traffic is asphyxiating. Half an inch of snow causes the sort of panicky gridlock you'd find after a nuclear attack. (Memo to every city from D.C. south: Don't try to excuse being snow wimps by saying, "You guys up North get snow and we get ICE!" Go to Buffalo in January sometime, redneck. You'll see PLENTY of ice, along with people who know how to properly drive a fuging motor vehicle.)

And even worse than the gridlock is when friends of mine like Spencer Hall use the city's endless dysfunction as a way of making Atlanta sound unique and awesome. You people living in cities that work are so beat. Here in Atlanta we have babies stuck on roadways and that is CULTURE. Stop pretending your dying infrastructure and civil corruption are endearing.

One more thing about the ATL (and calling it "The ATL" will never not be annoying): People there are slow as balls. I was standing in line for a coffee there (call me Petey King Jr.) and the machine broke and when the machine broke, the people behind the counter did nothing. They just stood there and fuging stared off into space. And if you get pissy with Atlanta people about how slow they are, they just accuse YOU of being the asshole. Why are you so uptight about standing there and having all your time wasted, mannnnnnnn? All Southerners believe that they somehow savor life more than their Yankee brethren because they are so painfully slow, but this is a lie. You people need to get your fuging poo together. You aren't seizing the day because it took you three hours to make a sandwich. The rest of us have lives to lead. No wonder your town has only one good plow.

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FuFuLamePoo Mentor

FuFuLamePoo

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they are funny, but what is funnier is the overreaction from fans here when they read about why the panthers suck and how many think that it's just us getting picked on.

yeah, looks like he's doing NFCS right now so I expect our article will be up tomorrow or the next day.

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davos Grand Master

davos

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That Falcons one lol

 

Really puts it into perspective how much we can decapitate both teams.  ATL did nothing on D. They might actually be worse.  IMO, DeCoud is that solid starter type who looks bad with average talent in the front 7.  Not much different than some other safeties we've had.  

 

Their OL is new, takes time to develop and we've got our front 7 waiting to absolutely destroy them.  

 

Bucs.....they're even worse.  

 

 

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davos Grand Master

davos

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Perfection:

 

 

 

I actually saw the city for the first time this year. Normal Americans like me usually only go to Atlanta for no other purpose than to endure a layover, but this time I actually left the airport and went into town! And in downtown Atlanta there was … nothing. Nothing at all. Apparently all the good parts of Atlanta aren't in, like, Atlanta Atlanta. They are in other Atlantas and thus are a two-mile, 158-minute drive away. Downtown Atlanta has an aquarium, a hotel, a McCormick & Schmick's, and 70,000 TGI Friday's. I don't even know if the buildings are real. The whole downtown may just be a set. I couldn't even find a donut joint. It was like Ebola had swept through the town years ago, instead of just this week. No wonder they did the Walking Dead premiere in that city. You don't have to change anything.

 

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CharlottePanther Newbie

CharlottePanther

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That Falcons one lol

Really puts it into perspective how much we can decapitate both teams. ATL did nothing on D. They might actually be worse. IMO, DeCoud is that solid starter type who looks bad with average talent in the front 7. Not much different than some other safeties we've had.

Their OL is new, takes time to develop and we've got our front 7 waiting to absolutely destroy them.

Bucs.....they're even worse.

That and most of all, nomore Tony Gonzalez! Damn am I glad that fugger is gone. Its about time!

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csx Grand Master

csx

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they are funny, but what is funnier is the overreaction from fans here when they read about why the panthers suck and how many think that it's just us getting picked on.

We are Southern...most of us are dumb as fug.

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