Disciplining a 15-yo..?

[j2sgam]

So after LiaG's thread I am rethinking my parenting approach. I want to be calmer, cooler and do not want to yell at or pop my kids. I really have to thank all that influenced this decision, it has been less than a week & I already feel better about it and my children are responding positively....

My in-laws have been staying with us for a while now, including my wife's 15yo sister, we'll call her Jaime. Last week we took my 5yo son out of after-school care, Jaime has the responsibility of being at the bus stop, directly across the street, every day to get my son & her brother. She would watch him for 2 hours everyday until my wife or I got home. At 3pm yesterday I received a call from my son's school sayin nobody was there to get him so the busdriver returned him to the school. There was no answer when i called my house so I left work, picked up my son & brought him back with me. I was livid.

I dropped my son off with my wife at the end of her work day, I had some after-hours work to do at my weekend job. When i got home, my wife told me she spoke with Jaime & is taking her cell phone from her. I went inside, played with my kids for a few before addressing the situation. When i asked Jaime what happened, her response was "I had a blond moment." She then listened as I calmly said what I had to, and that I was extremely pissed & in such disbelief that I will just support the punishment my wife said and not increase it...

This morning, my wife said that Jaime will be getting her phone back today after school. I disagree with that whole heartedly, that punishment does not even come close to fitting the crime. What say you Huddle? Is that enough? What would be more fitting?

Losing her phone is a good start, but for only a partial day?? No, no & no. I have taken the sim card out of the phone, and plan on having "a blond moment" for minimum 3 days, maybe more depending on Jaime.

Some input please?

[Inimicus]

So you are punishing a kid that isn't yours and who is living with its parents (even though they are all under your roof)?

Not sure you have much of a leg to stand on there dude.

[Dex]

Well if the one strike rule applies for you then sure but if it was a first then I say it's fine.

[Panthers Nation]

lol she is not your child so you can't punish her.

[g5jamz]

Why are your inlaws living with you...and why aren't THEY the ones leveling out punishment.

[j2sgam]

It is just my mother in-law and the kids, Jaimes father is...somewhere else. Dont know if my mother-in-law imposed a punishment, but she is not much of a disciplinarian. She threatened to take Jaime's phone away & Jaime flipped. I wasnt there then, just heard about it. Im sure my mother-in-law is going with 'Your house, your rules' and not steppin in between what my wife & I are doing... The responsibility was put on Jaime by my wife & I, not her mother...

Why they are living with us? Because I am looking out for my wife's family, tryin to help them...

[Ja Rhule]

You need to talk to girls parents... You doing it wrong.

[Inimicus]

Didn't mean to pry into your business was just trying to understand the "power" structure.

When ours was in high school we took the approach that things like phone/internet/TV/car were privileges to be earned like a paycheck. Next weeks privileges were earned by this weeks performance. We didn't use time as the variable, we used the number of privileges lost as the adjustable portion.

In a case like what you describe she would have lost one of those things (likely the phone) for the week.

[Ja Rhule]

15-17 is an age where u really cannot do much...

[Mrs Pantherfan]

tell her to get a job or gfgo :)

seriously..IMO, since she is living with you, you do have say in punishment...my house, my rules thing...take away what she likes and enjoys is about the only thing you can do...extra housework maybe...

[Scrumtrilescent]

BS, that's the age where they love their "stuff" the most. Inimicus has a good strategy.

That and blood lettings. That should help as well.

[j2sgam]

Dont think youre prying at all Inimicus, your question is very relevant & influential on the situation...

I picked something up from my wife's aunt a few years back. When people are at your house and one of their kids does something, the 1st time its on them to handle it, after that its on you as its your house. Now I get this is the 1st tiem this happened, but it is my son. I do not even want to consider what could have been, Im just glad nothing did happen to my boy...

This is a huge mistake on her part, Im do not agree with a light punishment. I have doubts my mother-in-law would have punished her accordingly. So I am.. But I want to be smart and teach her a lesson....

[j2sgam]

Threats are useless unless you plan on following through with them... You part Arabic? Talk to me...

[charlotte49er]

Dont think youre prying at all Inimicus, your question is very relevant & influential on the situation...

I picked something up from my wife's aunt a few years back. When people are at your house and one of their kids does something, the 1st time its on them to handle it, after that its on you as its your house. Now I get this is the 1st tiem this happened, but it is my son. I do not even want to consider what could have been, Im just glad nothing did happen to my boy...

This is a huge mistake on her part, Im do not agree with a light punishment. I have doubts my mother-in-law would have punished her accordingly. So I am.. But I want to be smart and teach her a lesson....

Actually, I agree with this to a point. (First punishment is on the parent.) But "your house, your rules" also has to come into play.

When my 1st neice was young, she was around 6-7 yo. My sister and BIL were down for Thanksgiving, I was up from NC. My neice wanted to play piano. So my Mom and neice sat down at the piano and my Mom started to play. I was sitting next to the piano, My sister was in another chair in the living room. Everyone else were out in the den.

My Mom started to play, however my neice just wanted to bang on the keys. My Mom very politely told her that it wasn't good to bang on the keys, and suggested they play a song together. My neice stopped and my Mom started to play chopstix. My neice started banging on the keys again with her fists. My Mom kept playing and my neice hauled off and hit her on the arm.

I waited about 10 second for my sister to step in, finally, I told my neice. "You do that again, and I'll put you over my knee. My neice defiantly told me that I couldn't, I wasn't her parent. I gave her my serious look and told her. "Parent or not, you just hit my Mother. And no one hits my Mother!" My niece said she was sorry to me. I told her she needed to apologize to her Grandmother. To which she did. Case closed.

My sister never said a word to her daughter or to me. I kind of expected my Sister to say something to me about not having any chldren and threatening to discipline hers. But I was glad she didn't. (I might have put her over my knee.)

It may have not been my place to step in. My Mom basically raised me by herself. I didn't care who you were, you showed her respect.