The July thread to end all July threads

[SCP]

I challenge you to find a worse July thread than this one.  I challenged myself to throw my manhood out the window.  It took me all of five minutes to assemble what could be the most embarrassing piece of American literature known to man kind.  What's even more embarrassing is that I actually knew the melody and lyrics to the song this crap fest is based on.   

July (Sung to the lyrics of Goodbye by Nickleback)

Look at this coaching staff
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How does Shula get to call passes?
And what the hell’s up with Ronnie's glasses?

The parking lot is where I threw up
I think a homeless dude came and cleaned it up
I never knew what the pain was about
Undercooked brats make it hard to squeeze one out

And this is where I dropped my stool
Most of the time I hover when I poo
Panthers say they clean the toilets nice
They’ve been pooped on a half a million times

I wonder if it's too late
Should they go back and draft Armanti late?
Lot's better now than with Hurney and Clausen
If I was them, I wouldn't let Marty in
Oh, Fua, Fua, Fua, Gettleman, I

[Chorus]
Every memory of walkin’ into B of A
I have my waist band jacked up above my tittays
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
July, July
Every memory of walking out of B of A 
I found that photo of Matty Ryan’s vajayjay
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
July, July, July

Remember the old Hurn-dawg?
Blew every dollar that we ever saw
Had the balls to trot out B St Pierre
Then ESPN said lets put him on air

We use to listen to the radio
And curse every draft pick that we didn’t know
We said someday we'd get them good feelz
And draft a guy that had some fuggin wheelz

Cam and Belk are makin clothes
I tried to buy some but the wife said “Hell no’s”
She's had a couple of kids since then
But still won’t buy me Made by Cam
Oh, Fua, Fua, Fua, God, I

[Chorus]
Every memory of walkin’ into B of A
I have my waist band jacked up above my tittays
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
July, July
Every memory of walking out of B of A 
I found that photo of Matt Ryan’s vajayjay
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
July, July, July

I miss Everette Brown
I miss their faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss Jimmy now
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it

If I could relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

[Chorus]
Every memory of walkin’ into B of A
I have my waist band jacked up above my tittays
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
July, July
Every memory of walking out of B of A 
I found that photo of Matt Ryan’s vajayjay
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
July, July, July

Look at this coaching staff
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me

[Jeremy Igo]

 

 

[TheAmericanDream]

Damn you have alot of time on your hands. 

[Moorgan]

[SCP]

Shower me with your insults! There are no sports this week after the MLB all star game until Friday. Tonight is the Berman "back back back" fest. The world is crumbling.

[SIGCHI222]

[Cary Kollins]

take all of my pies

[!stUp]

[ACobra289]

A+ for the composition. F- for using a Nickelback song. I laughed out loud at the Matt Ryan line.

[bLACKpANTHER]

 

[Marguide]

I don't know the song, so perhaps that's my problem, but your poem/song left me with a severe case of wtf.

[bLACKpANTHER]

 

[Cary Kollins]

I was working at a restaurant in college when that song came out, and it played almost nonstop on the crappy XM radio station management defaulted to. Nightmares of cleaning my section while this crap played.

[SmokinwithWilly]

You must have been in the middle of a serious web browsing poo to find that little morsel. Something triggered that little writing spree, and I'm not sure I really want to know what it was.