Delete me

[The NFL Shield At Midfield]

a man and his wife were lying in bed together when the phone rang

his wife picked it up and a few seconds later exclaimed "how am i supposed to know, that's hundreds of miles from here!" and slammed the receiver down

her husband then asked "who was that, dear?"

she replied "some woman asking if the coast was clear"

[Castavar]

Why did the little boy take his cat to school?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because he heard his daddy say to mommy that he was going to eat that pussy once he left

[Pantera_Negro_Mateo]

6 hours ago, Leeroy Jenkins PhD said:

Why does snoop carry an umbrella?

 

Fo drizzle

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

 

 

 

 

Dr Dre

[BountyHunter]

A man opens his door and finds a snail on his front porch. 
He picks it up and throws it across the street.
A year later the man opens his door and finds the same snail on his front porch.
The snail looks up and says, "What the fug was *that* all about?"

[imminent rogaine]

When the mastectomy patient was asked if she was up to date on current events, she replied "I kept a breast".

[PntherPryd]

.... ever wonder why Ken and Barbie never had kids?

 

 

 

 

 

because Ken only came in a box.

[Jase]

^^ Does barbie come with Ken?

--No, she fakes it with Ken.  She comes with GI Joe.

[Gregg S]

A man is drinking at the local bar when a guy comes in with a suitcase.  He goes to the other end of the bar and opens the suitcase and sets a tiny piano on the bar.  He then reaches into the suitcase again and sets a tiny man on the bar.  The little man sits at the piano and starts playing beautiful music.  

Curiosity got the better of the first guy and he walks over and asks him about the tiny man.

"Well," the guy says, "I found an old oil lamp on a beach a couple of years ago and when cleaning it up, a genie popped out and said he would grant me a wish."

"And this is what you wished for?"

Letting out a sigh, he said, "No.  As it turned out, the genie was old and a little hard of hearing, so I ended up with a 12" pianist."