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KSK Goes After Peter King

Delhommey

By Delhommey,
in Carolina Panthers

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Delhommey

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Posted

Always a good segment, but today you'll all enjoy. Didn't see it posted already.

This I knew: Jerry Richardson had his heart transplant on Super Bowl Sunday between the Steelers and Cardinals.

I knew this because Jerry asked me to bring him cookies and Gatorade right before he got dropped off at the hospital.

This I didn’t know: It was an NBC game that day, and when Richardson was being prepped for surgery, he had one request before being put under. “I wanted to hear that Faith Hill song,” he said.

Holy poo, Jerry Richardson has the worst taste in music ever. They never should have repaired his heart, which I assume is made of some kind of grit-and-salt pork mixture.

The NBC theme song for the football game was the last thing, other than some personal words from his wife, he heard before the transplant.

So touching. That a rich asshole would want to hear an awful song right before having an expensive heart procedure he could easily afford. It’s like the end of “Life Is Beautiful,” really.

Four things about the deal he loves:

“I get to overpay Charles Johnson!”

“I was told I’d get at least one free ***** to clean my barn!”

“I get to own the league’s most nondescript team!”

“PLAYERS CAN’T LISTEN TO THE HIPPITY BOP IN MAH LOCKER REWM.”

“(Roger Goodell) was by far the driving force to getting this deal done,” Richardson said. “when we picked this man five years ago, what a decision we made. He’s 52 years old now, and he’s demonstrated clearly his ability to take complex situations and make the best of them for our league. He got a 10-year deal in this climate in the sports business? Amazing.”

“And when he farts, OIL comes out! Pure, clean petrol. It’s like nothing else you’ve ever seen! And he can do sixty chin-ups in thirty seconds! And he knows MAGIC! REAL MAGIC! The kind they practice in Arabia! Write this down, Peter: ROGER GOODELL IS BASICALLY JESUS IF JESUS WERE CLEAN SHAVEN AND HAD SOUND FISCAL INSTINCTS.”

...

Watching Cam Newton Sunday night in Spartanburg, S.C., three things were evident:

WAHHH HE WON’T TALK TO ME!

He’s a confident kid, even though he doesn’t know half of what he needs to know yet.

He’s not unlike Albert Breer. How’s your room at the Clarion, Bert? AMATEUR. OH TO BE YOUNG AND STUPID.

He’s very well-liked by the fans, and that’s helped by signing as many autographs as any Panther in camp so far.

QUASI DERRICK MASONESQUISH!

And though his accuracy is very much a work in progress (he missed six or eight open receivers Sunday), he does throw a beautiful deep ball…

That no one can catch.

One more reason why all teams should go to small college campuses, the way the Panthers do at Wofford College: They eat in the student union, and hang out there after lunch, with the real people…

Unlike people at the team facility, who are mostly made of carbon fiber.

— students who might be on campus, media, fans. On Sunday, one of the Panther players went to the piano in the corner and began playing a Mozart sonata. There’s nothing wrong with that.

WEIRD MOZART NUGGET: He was NOT Hitler’s favorite composer. That honor goes to Wagner. WEIRD.

http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2011/08/peter-king-knows-citgo-coffee-aint-as-good-as-nazi-coffee.html

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