Jump to content
  • Welcome!

    Register and log in easily with Twitter or Google accounts!

    Or simply create a new Huddle account. 

    Members receive fewer ads , access our dark theme, and the ability to join the discussion!

     

Playoffs...Playoffs?! Playoffs M-Fer!


SCP

Recommended Posts

Well cup my balls and tell me to cough. My Panthers are in the tournament with a first round bye. That's right NFC South, the Carolina M-F'n Panthers are the #2 seed. When the year started that seemed as likely to happen as a Falcon fan declining an unemployment check. I mean there was a better chance of me pulling over on the interstate to assist a Buc fan in his broken down PT Cruiser. Hell, there was even a better chance that a certain Saints fan would join a pilates class and shed 45 lbs of unwanted sweaty girth from his stretch-marked man tits. But guess what losers, that NFCS crown sits high atop the Queen City where it belongs and I get to sit on my couch and cram Cheetos and Miller Lite down my pie hole while my kids are ingnored and our round 2 opponent is determined.

This weekend we get to watch the San Clemente 49ers take on the Packers up in that frozen poo hole that's home to the highest average cholesterol per capita and women that poop 7 times a day. We also get to see the drug addict pucker faced Sean Payton take his band of merry cheaters up to the City of White Trash and Herpies. These two games will determine what opponent comes to Charlotte on January 12th. All four teams harbour cocky fan bases that I cannot stand. Somehow, and help me if you know the answer, Charlotte is home to a poo ton of 49er fans, Saint fans, Eagle fans, and Packer fans. Obviously, Charlotte is a sanctuary city for dumbass bandwagon fans. Much like San Fran opens it's arms as a safe harbour for illegal immigrants, Charlotte opens it's arms to douchebags who are desperate to be a part of ESPN hype. Here is my plan to deter the potential opponent fan bases from entering the stadium:

If we play the Eagles...

Around the outside of BofA stadium, set a perimeter made up of carts that sell books and carts that sell carrots and celery. Nothing repels an Eagles fan like learning and vegetables.

If we play the 49ers...

Put up an electric fence around Gastonia, Maiden, and Ashboro. Much like Cowboy Nation, a large majority of 49er fans will be traveling to Charlotte from these three towns claiming diehard status. Something about these towns makes jumping on a bandwagon necessary for it's residents to survive.

If we play the Packers...

Like they did in Detroit for the Super Bowl a few years ago, set up fake store fronts that make Charlotte less appealing to Packers fans. Things like GNC, Planet Fitness, Barnes & Noble, and Tropical Smoothie absolutely repulse people from Wisconsin. Bojangles should temporarily halt all sales of anything fried. Surround BofA stadium with tread mills and free weights and restrict sales of anything cheese related and replace it with fruit and veggies. Let Proactive set up a free sample tent so all the female Packer fans will line up for free acne med samples. Whatever it takes.

This is a call to Panther Nation. After Sunday we will know what team is coming to Charlotte. I don't give a poo who it is, bring it. The national media will pick against us no matter who we play, they have been doing it all season. Bring it. Our defense will smack any of the teams square in the mouth and Cam Newton will rise to the occasion. Playoffs? You're god damned right.

EDIT: How could I forget. The other way to deter these assholes is to show up at Roaring Riot's rally and claim what's ours.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Could you somehow incorporate your love for jorts and other jean related materials into these plans? Complete with a photographic timeline possibly?

Sounds like women who live in GB sure spend a lot of time on the toilet!!

When I retire I'm moving to North Myrtle Beach and I'm opening a custom denim and airbrush boutique. I'm going to call it Denim Some Nice Jorts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What a pleasant surprise on this Friday morning. It's like I got another Christmas gift.

On the off chance we play the Packers, the people of Charlotte should stock up now on Slim Jim's and pork rinds, if that's your thing. Otherwise they will be gone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


  • PMH4OWPW7JD2TDGWZKTOYL2T3E.jpg

  • Topics

  • Posts

    • Congratulations do they know who the father is?
    • In my opinion Fitterer was probably right about not paying McCaffrey. Now not wanting to "pay RBs" in my opinion isn't something you want to set in stone, to me it all comes down to the individual.
    • Maybe I'm just not understanding, but everywhere that I have read says that signing bonuses go against the cap prorated by as much as five years. The following example uses Andrew Luck's rookie contract as an example. "Take Andrew Luck, the first overall pick in the 2012 NFL draft. Luck signed a four-year contract with the Colts worth $22.1 million and included a $14.5 million signing bonus. Rather than a $14.5 million cap hit in 2012, the Colts spread out his signing bonus over the life of his contract. The hit against the cap would be $3.625 million per year over four years instead of a direct cap hit of $14.5 million directly in 2012. This gave the Colts more leverage and cap flexibility in signing other players." https://www.the33rdteam.com/nfl-signing-bonuses-explained/ I don't know why some of you think that signing bonuses aren't counted against the cap over the length of the contract, but whatever.   "The bonus with a signing is usually the most garish aspect of a rookie contract. Bonus is the immediate cash players receive when they ink a deal. It factors into the cap, but only for the whole contract duration, in terms of salary cap calculations. In the case of Bryce Young’s $24.6 million signing bonus, that’s prorated to approximately $6.15 million per season over a four-year deal. This format allows teams to handle the cap and provides rookies with some short-term fiscal stability, which is important given the high injury risk in this league." https://collegefootballnetwork.com/how-rookie-contracts-work-in-the-nfl/ I understand how signing bonuses can be a useful tool in order to manage the cap, and as one of the article suggests, signing bonuses may become important if you have a tight cap, but the bill is always going to come due. I'm not necessarily referring to you Tuka, but it seems to me that others simply don't want to understand that fact which is why they're reacting to what I'm saying negatively. How odd. In any event, I have a better general understanding of why signing bonuses are used now, and it's generally to fit salaries under the cap. Surely players, whether they be rookies or not, love a signing bonus because they get a good portion of their money up front. This in turn gives them more security and probably amounts to tax benefits as well. I also understand why teams would not want to use signing bonuses, particularly for players or draftees who have a higher probability of being gone before a contract even ends.
×
×
  • Create New...