When is a marriage basically on the point of no return?

[Hawk]

been married over 20 years...first marriage lasted just 4.

 

anyone that is married or is any kind of relationship that has some time behind it will tell you that that are always ebbs and flows, ups and downs, easy times and hard.

 

if you've come here looking for advice or just to get other's opinions I would assume you are definitely in a down cycle right now and you need to ask yourself how long has it been...is there a light at the end of the tunnel...have there been issues that are now unfixable...etc. 

 

you need to ask yourself if there is enough there to work on...marriage isn't easy and it takes effort all the time.

[PandaPancake]

been married over 20 years...first marriage lasted just 4.

anyone that is married or is any kind of relationship that has some time behind it will tell you that that are always ebbs and flows, ups and downs, easy times and hard.

if you've come here looking for advice or just to get other's opinions I would assume you are definitely in a down cycle right now and you need to ask yourself how long has it been...is there a light at the end of the tunnel...have there been issues that are now unfixable...etc.

you need to ask yourself if there is enough there to work on...marriage isn't easy and it takes effort all the time.

Remember you only have to take 70% of this

[ed bell]

Just wanted to say that leading off with "we were young" and in-law hate are not good indicators of the meat and potatoes of where your marriage is today. If anything it sounds like you want those reasons to validate your stance.

[PhillyB]

marriage is fuging difficult, especially when you marry young. you go through an metric poo ton of changes during your 20s and you often find your paths diverge from one another, whereas it might be as likely to happen if you get married in your late 20s/early 30s when you've got a more refined sense of who you are and what you wanna do and where you wanna go.

 

but in the end, i think the answer to your question is simply that a marriage is basically over when one or both parties decide that the incredible personal sacrifice necessary to stay in an unhappy marriage doesn't lead to a long-term outcome that is greater than the short-term benefits of splitting up.

 

it's tough and i wish you luck. once you have kids, you have to be willing to sacrifice your happiness on the altar of theirs. that's love.

[PandaPancake]

Just tell her she's a cap casualty and you're good

[The_Light_Brigade]

marriage is fuging difficult, especially when you marry young. you go through an metric poo ton of changes during your 20s and you often find your paths diverge from one another, whereas it might be as likely to happen if you get married in your late 20s/early 30s when you've got a more refined sense of who you are and what you wanna do and where you wanna go.

 

but in the end, i think the answer to your question is simply that a marriage is basically over when one or both parties decide that the incredible personal sacrifice necessary to stay in an unhappy marriage doesn't lead to a long-term outcome that is greater than the short-term benefits of splitting up.

 

it's tough and i wish you luck. once you have kids, you have to be willing to sacrifice your happiness on the altar of theirs. that's love.

 

 

Philly coming in with the 1,2 knockdown.  

[Stumpy]

I wonder if any of the people spouting "stay together for the kids" have any idea how psychologically damaging growing up with parents in an unhealthy relationship can be?

The constant bickering. Being asked to lie to one parent by another. Viewing unhealthy behaviors as perfectly normal. Learning to use people against each other to get your way.

These are all things I experienced growing up with parents in an unhappy marriage. And, these are all things that are still affecting me later in life.

My mother told me once, "if they don't fight, it means they don't care anymore." While that may be true in a sense, it is not a lesson to teach your kids about relationships. Looking back on past romances, I can see where I put this idea to test; picking fights hoping for any sign that they still care. It is insane.

I stayed with someone for over 2 years who constantly berated me because, "every relationship had their problems." Yes, every relationship does have it's problems. However, when your model for comparison is poo, you don't know which problems are normal and which are unhealthy.

[Stumpy]

None of that is to say that divorce is easy on kids. But, in my personal experience, seeing my parents get divorced when I was 16 was way less damaging than the six years of fighting, drinking and neglect that came from their hare-brained idea that they needed to stay together for the kids.

[YourMomsLover]

My wife and I have been married almost 10 years, I am 28-she's 32- We have gotten to the point with our families that we realize we're our own team. If they want to be a part of things, see their grandson, and participate, they know how to reach us. We aren't trying to win everyone over or make everyone happy. It's about US now. We come first.

Once you realize that your wife and you are a team, and teams work best when everyone works together, the easier things get.

That's what I'm thinking bro. Kinda helps that we just moved to Cleveland. So all her family lives in Asheville NC, and all my folks live in Dallas. So it really is kinda just us now. fug em all. Let em hate.

Only thing that worries me now, is my kids not having that awesome family structure I had. Extended family and all.

[ClawOn]

Ideally your wife should be your best friend. At the very least, you need to like her in addition to loving her.

[PandaPancake]

Ideally your wife should be your best friend. At the very least, you need to like her in addition to loving her.

Hey there Dear Abby. Shut up

[Jeremy Igo]

I'd say the moment you seek marriage advice from the huddle.

[ClawOn]

Hey there Dear Abby. Shut up

Ha cool man. I meant i know a lot of dudes that will make up anything to get out of spending time with their wives. They chalk it up to part of the deal. I recommend walking.

[heel31ok]

Quit being a bully.

Here's the situation.

My wife and I married at 18. We are both 28 now.

Her family fuging hates me, my family fuging hates her.

 

yeah so? when you get married your spouse becomes the number 1 family member in priority.

 Treat her like that, respect your family members and her's but it is not their call and they should respect you  in that. Forsaking all others ...if that is the reason.