PTSD is a motherfuger

[Moorgan]

I know most people think they know what it means. But they're wrong. It's easier for me to tell a message board. Song I'm listening to:

My shadow's

 

Shedding skin and

I've been picking

Scabs again.

I'm down

Digging through

My old muscles

Looking for a clue.

 

I've been crawling on my belly

Clearing out what could've been.

I've been wallowing in my own confused

And insecure delusions

For a piece to cross me over

Or a word to guide me in.

I wanna feel the changes coming down.

I wanna know what I've been hiding in

 

My shadow.

Change is coming through my shadow.

My shadow's shedding skin

I've been picking

My scabs again.

 

I've been crawling on my belly

Clearing out what could've been.

I've been wallowing in my own chaotic

And insecure delusions.

 

I wanna feel the change consume me,

Feel the outside turning in.

I wanna feel the metamorphosis and

Cleansing I've endured within

 

My shadow

Change is coming.

Now is my time.

Listen to my muscle memory.

Contemplate what I've been clinging to.

Forty-six and two ahead of me.

 

I choose to live and to

Grow, take and give and to

Move, learn and love and to

Cry, kill and die and to

Be paranoid and to

Lie, hate and fear and to

Do what it takes to move through.

 

I choose to live and to

Lie, kill and give and to

Die, learn and love and to

Do what it takes to step through.

 

See my shadow changing,

Stretching up and over me.

Soften this old armor.

Hoping I can clear the way

By stepping through my shadow,

Coming out the other side.

Step into the shadow.

Forty six and two are just ahead of me.

 

I'm not suicidal or in danger of hurting others. I'm just in a place that I feel like I've disappointed myself and everyone I've ever served. I could've done better. And I've failed.

[Kevin Greene]

Thank you for your service.

[Moorgan]

Thank you for your service.

I know that people put us on a pedestal we don't deserve. I appreciate your simple thought. In a helpless world your appreciation is welcomed. Thank you for that. I'm not looking for appreciation. But I value your value. If that makes sense.

[Jakob]

Nobody can truly understand what PTSD is about unless they experience it...I couldn't imagine what it's like to suffer from such an affliction. It's sad that so many misconceptions surround it.

I truly enjoyed your poem.

[PhillyB]

sorry to hear it man. i know we're a bunch of internet goofballs, but if you need to talk to someone never hesitate to send a pm. it's a community.

[SmokinwithWilly]

I watched my son in law deal with his ptsd for 7 years before he admitted it was real. No words of mine can possibly fix this for you. Just know you aren't alone, and that people are there who are able to help. Don't let it take you any further into hell. Take a chance and talk to someone. Your life is worth the risk.

[Mol3m4n]

I know that people put us on a pedestal we don't deserve. I appreciate your simple thought. In a helpless world your appreciation is welcomed. Thank you for that. I'm not looking for appreciation. But I value your value. If that makes sense.

If our military doesn't deserve it, then who does?

[arbnranger]

Hang in there bro. 

I'm headed back home to NC to visit friends and family and of course training camp. We should link up for a beer or 7. Btw- one of the best bands of all time! 

[Hotsauce]

Your service to not just our country, but to my family is unmeasurable. 

Thank you for giving your life to keep us free.

If you need to talk, PM me.

[Moorgan]

Thank you guys. I appreciate it. I really do. And like I said there's no danger to me or anyone else. It's just a thought or feeling that's always in the background. It's hard to explain. The season can't start soon enough. :)

[ecu88]

Moorgan, thank you. I have seen my childhood friend battle PTSD after being in the battlefront of Iraq in the early part of the war on terror and he struggles daily with it. I hope one day that you (and anyone else that experiences PTSD) will find the peace that is deserved.

[Paa Langfart]

I know that people put us on a pedestal we don't deserve. I appreciate your simple thought. In a helpless world your appreciation is welcomed. Thank you for that. I'm not looking for appreciation. But I value your value. If that makes sense.

Dont think anyone is putting vets like you and me on a pedestal.  Just admitting to themselves that we vets did the dirty work while they stayed at home and lived it up.

[Hawk]

don't bottle it up man....talk talk and talk.....find others that are in the same boat....amazing what just talking about it can do to speed up the healing process.  Been there, done that and nowhere even close to your level, but talking with others about my experience and how it was making me feel and keeping me up made a big difference.

 

and even though I'm on the other side of the 49th, I too thank you for your service.

[cookinwithgas]

I hope you are taking advantage of the VA programs designed to deal with this, not just for yourself but for others - the way you express yourself here suggests that you may not only help yourself, but others in the same boat.