TWC hate letter

[bleys]

Dear Time Warner Cable,

On April 23rd I moved and had an appointment with Time Warner Cable to come and install cable, Internet and phone service and no one showed up. When I called, I was told my appointment was entered wrong and moved to May 4th, without anyone calling me. No big deal, why would a company check with someone to see if they are home on a Wednesday afternoon? Of course they are. Everyone is. Name one person who isn’t home on a Wednesday afternoon? You can’t. It’s impossible, because everyone is home. It would be a waste of resources to call and talk to him. Did Stalin ever call people before he arrested them and sent them to die in Siberian work camps? No! Why should Time Warner Cable have a policy that is any different from Stalin’s?

Did you know that on Yelp, Time Warner Cable has one and a half stars? That’s less stars than Jeffrey Dahmer — who killed and ate people, maybe even had sex with their skulls (I don’t really know). Obviously what I’m saying is untrue, because Yelp does not review serial killers, but if they did, his babaganoush would be better than yours, if you both made babaganoush, even if his drugged and murdered people. Sorry that got weird. F**k you. I just made you read that confusing thing.

To give you an idea of how much I dislike your company, I have come up with plagues I hope God smites your board of directors with. I know He’ll only do this if you enslave the Jews, but considering you might have a monopoly in NYC, you sort of already have:

1. Awkward. Every board member’s cell phone ring loudly announces their weight and also the day they’ll die.

2. Bathroom. The constant feeling that you have to go number two, but completely forgetting how.

3. Improv. Your first-born will want to be a short form improviser.

4. Popcorn. Your second born will smell like hot buttered popcorn. It’s not that bad at first, but eventually I bet it will be maddening.

Sincerely,

Eugene Mirman and probably everyone of your customers

P.S. On May 4th I called you and got an automated message saying my appointment was moved to May 10th, but spoke to two representatives who assured me it was still on May 4th. Twenty minutes later, I got a call saying the technician called and couldn’t reach me and my new appointment would be on May 12th. An hour later I got a call apologizing and saying my appointment was moved to May 6th. Why does your company act like a controlling, abusive husband on an episode of Law and Order?

P.P.S. On May 6th a very nice, professional man came, rang my doorbell and installed everything. I would feel remiss to not mention that a handful of other employees were also very helpful. However, overall your company is run like an ill managed Soviet factory. I bet if Ayn Rand was still alive, she’d write a fun to read, but poorly argued book about how appalling and inefficient your company is. Please cut it out. Thank you.

http://www.greenpointnews.com/news/3354/an-open-letter-from-eugene-mirman-to-time-warner

[4Corners]

I commend your letter. Unfortunately, TWC has a monopoly on much of the cable/internet in our area so I'm sure this isn't the first one of these letters they will laugh at then throw away.

[bleys]

not my letter.. was posted by a friend on FB.. had to share.

there are other options (and exponentially better options) believe it or not.. unless of course you live in the woods or a fascist apartment complex. :(

and they may laugh, but not at the letter.. instead, at all the fools out there willing to pay for their shitty service.

[4Corners]

I don't know many people that have good things to say about TWC.

You should be weary of a company that refuses to carry the NFLN.

[Mvp2014]

i love TWC!! fast internet and free cable!

[djshinodalp]

i love TWC!! fast internet and free cable!

How long have you had TWC?

[Doyle]

Instead of writing a letter to them I just canceled. Whats the point.

[Tyler Durden]

Every time they call to ask me to add the digital phone service my response is "not until you add the NFL Network"

[Guest]

Uverse, FTW.

[boo7382]

Hahahhahaha oh man that's great. God I hate them with a burning fiery passion. They have fuging Pissed me off so many times. Even though they are a horribly shitty run company, they treat their employees really well. I interviewed with them a couple times. Plus you get free cable/internet. Baller.

What's it like to have other cable options where you live?

Stealing this.

[bleys]

yeah, UVerse, ftw... although I still think I want DTV. considering rain and wind isn't an issue anymore, I'd rather have one signal beaming down to the house than a cable hookup, plus I dont' think any company can compete with what DTV offers.

i love TWC!! fast internet and free cable!

you're point is so far invalid it's not even funny.. how are you going to say anything free sucks?

Hahahhahaha oh man that's great. God I hate them with a burning fiery passion.

same here.. I'm trying not to be mean on FB.. some girl wants to have this debate though.

[Dpantherman]

same here.. I'm trying not to be mean on FB.. some girl wants to have this debate though.

I saw, :lol:

[bleys]

and then my friend wants to hate on the Heat... acting like the Heat are the 1st to ever put together an "all-star" team.

and then acts like I didn't just point out the Lakers (3 different times), the Bulls, the Heat (Shaq championship), and Boston..

f**k I hate stupid people who ignore facts...

edit: that discussion got pretty heated.. now I"m ready to argue more.. guess it's time to step away.. ;)

[Kitten Diver]

TWC sucks.. but Dish and DTV fug out when it rains or gets windy and TWC still performs. If you're a lazy person who doesn't feel like paying less for a combo you build yourself, shut up

and pay your damn bill. You've always got the free antenna stations if you want out.