Jump to content

  • Welcome!

    Register and log in easily with Twitter or Google accounts!

    Or simply create a new Huddle account. 

    Members receive fewer ads , access our dark theme, and the ability to join the discussion!

     

Everette Brown, I'd like to have a word with you.

Fiz

By Fiz,
in Carolina Panthers

Recommended Posts

Fiz Newbie

Fiz

Posted
Posted

Thanks for seeing me on such short notice. I really appreciate you flying to Atlanta. Bottled Water? Croisant? Perhaps a moist towelette? How is that dish of mixed nuts? To your liking? Fantastic.

Did you notice the receptionist on your way in? Yeah, Cassandra. Wonderful Swedish Massage. She's certified. I specified that as a requirement when I hired her. I'm not sure who certified her exactly. Whoever does those things. But let me tell you, she's fantastic. And never ends on a low note, if you know what I mean. Ha. Seriously, whatever you need, just ask her. She's yours.

Listen, let me get down to business here. This whole, you, as a defensive end, thing. Yeah, no, we love the effort. You're a great guy. But, how should I.... do you like huey Lewis and the News? No? Great band. Sports was a fantastic album. I really think the kids should listen to him these days. I mean, the rhythms, and the chorus. You like a good rhythm, right?

Hold on, I'm just going to make myself a vodka soda. You alright? You sure? Sure you don't want anything? I have a tray of Fig Newtons in the back with your name on them, big guy. No? Okay, as I was saying.

Anyway, listen. We drafted you at the top of the second. Spent a first rounder on you to do it. Two draft picks. Two! I mean, wow, it can't be said we didn't believe in you. Hmm, do I want Grey Goose or do I want to slum it with some Ketel One. Don't you hate this? I mean, I really actually prefer Ketel One over this French nonsense, but you know, you gotta keep up appearances in my business. Maybe I don't want Vodka. Maybe, well, what's your favorite whiskey? You have a favorite scotch, right? No? No Wild Turkey? Not a Jack man? I got it, Jameson! No? Hmm, hard man to please, Everette Brown.

Listen, let me get to brass tax here. Just cut the fat and get to the chase. We, don't think this is working. Between the two of us. I think, well, I think there are a few problems. Most of it, most of it's. Wait. Do you smell that? I smell, sulfur, smells like. Do you smell that? It's on my fingers. Never mind.

We think it'd be mutually advantageous if we both pursued different....I swear to god I smell smoke. Like, it burns a little. Are my fingernails yellow to you or is it just me? I feel....

Listen, Everette, it's just not working, I, god I can smell your fuging blood. Do you notice that? Ever happen? Like, you can feel a person's heart beating in your...in your pants? Like, it makes you hard? Because, Everette, right now, I just....I kinda wanna....drink your blood.

Listen, this is normal, you know? Like, you want to play for us, the team that drafted you, and I, well, I want to see you lying dead on the ground, with me slurping your bodily fluids from your dislodged aorta. you know, whatever I can get out. Blood mostly, but some phlegm, some flesh, just go nuts, you know? Haha, crazy, right? I.....

What I'm saying is I'm a vampire and now I'm going to kill you /pounce

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing

  • PMH4OWPW7JD2TDGWZKTOYL2T3E.jpg

  • Topics

  • Posts

    • Jackie Lee
      Give Legette another season?

      By Jackie Lee · Posted

      Trade up for a project was dumb, he's gonna be 25 next month. By the time you're deciding on whether he's worth the 5th year option or a big contract you're already gonna be thinking about moving on soon either way.  
    • BEASTfromdaEAST
      Give Legette another season?

      By BEASTfromdaEAST · Posted

      I mean this is legit AF statement....you don't spend that draft capital on a project just like you don't trade up for an injured RB either, which was done in the same draft.  That draft IMO was a necessary evil for DM to learn from his mistakes (I think he did but some may not). Also I have to mention I'm a big Coker fan and think getting him as an UDFA was obv a steal.  Coker is the better WR2 at this point as Legette and its not even debatable unfortunately.  Give him year 3 but don't expect much from him.  Continue in the offseason with adding as much talent and competition on the roster as possible including WR.  Or just trade his ass for peanuts and continue to build roster by any means.......  
    • Packersfan
      Week 16 NFL games

      By Packersfan · Posted

      Losing him was a huge loss. Look at how the Bears went from a 5 win team to now a 11 win team. The Lions offensive line is bad this year, secondary is bad and Campbell going for it on 4th down all the time has cost them games instead of taking the Field Goals. Goff is inconsistent as well.
×
×
  • Create New...