Was Matt Ryan the model for Elf on the Shelf?

[SCP]

This is scary. It looks just like Matt Ryan. This stupid little Matty Ice looking sumbitch has ruined my holiday for the last 6 years.

[uncfan888]

Put him lying on the ground and smear poo on his ass and he'll be the spitting image of Matt ryan

[Cary Kollins]

not sure if I even want to google to find out what the hell elf on a shelf is

[mc52beast]

Matt Ryan is more Matty Slush than Matty Ice... he's melting faster than the Arctic glaciers.

[Montsta]

5 minutes ago, Cary Kollins said:

not sure if I even want to google to find out what the hell elf on a shelf is

It's a Christmas tradition some white people use to keep their children in line during the holidays. 

My dad had his own spinoff called "the belt in my closet" which I always felt was much more effective. 

[SCP]

3 minutes ago, Montsta said:

It's a Christmas tradition some white people use to keep their children in line during the holidays. 

My dad had his own spinoff called "the belt in my closet" which I always felt was much more effective. 

^this

Some mom thought up the idea while sitting in her minivan while waiting in line to pick her kid up from school and now every married white guy that lacks the testicles to tell his wife no (i.e. Me) has to deal with this stupid ass elf.

[TNPanther]

This is a more accurate depiction of Matt Ryan.

 

 

 

 

(excuse my poor MS Paint skills)

[Shotgun]

I bet the Elf can throw farther.

[Seltzer]

35 minutes ago, SCP said:

^this

Some mom thought up the idea while sitting in her minivan while waiting in line to pick her kid up from school and now every married white guy that lacks the testicles to tell his wife no (i.e. Me) has to deal with this stupid ass elf.

Every married white guy with kids is right... which now makes me embarrassed at my lack of manhood about this bc my Dad was definitely a belt in the closet man

[2jakefansinva]

After we crush them in two weeks......he will be on the shelf.

[caatfan]

Mr. Elf doesn't look like Ryan. The QB's eyes are poo brown, not blue.

[Neylus]

Nah, Matt Ryan is too Glee Club to model for Elf on the Shelf. 

[Bronn]

1 hour ago, Montsta said:

It's a Christmas tradition some white people use to keep their children in line during the holidays. 

My dad had his own spinoff called "the belt in my closet" which I always felt was much more effective. 

This. Jesus is a passing fad nowadays, and hitting your kids isn't cool. So, in trying times, things like EOAS is born out of necessity.

[Montsta]

4 minutes ago, Bronn said:

This. Jesus is a passing fad nowadays, and hitting your kids isn't cool. So, in trying times, things like EOAS is born out of necessity.

I was watching Shark Tank with my wife and these people had something like the elf that they called the Switch Witch. It was a plush toy that they used to get their kids extra Halloween candy. They said their kids turned in their candy and got the witch plush instead, and it helped them keep their kids from eating too much candy. 

I immediately looked at my wife and she was already staring at me with a smile because she knew what I was going to say, and like clockwork, I say wtf happened to being a parent and just telling your kids ok that's enough candy? People gotta give their kids presents and awards and poo for everything now?

I weep for the future.