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Why the Atlanta Falcons Suck 2017

bleedsgreenandgold

By bleedsgreenandgold,
in Carolina Panthers

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bleedsgreenandgold Newbie

bleedsgreenandgold

Posted
Posted

It's finally here and it's glorious.

 

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2017-atlanta-falcons-1799949492

 

Here are the cliff notes:

 

"AHAHAHAHAHA YEAH SURE WHATEVER CHOKEBOY. You don’t get to tell me you’re over it when you haven’t played a meaningful game since, nor when you’ve spent your last two playoff losses blowing a combined 42 points worth of leads. And it gets even worse because Ryan then goes ahead and pulls the tired “We wouldn’t change a thing!” garbage that no athlete or coach ever truly believes:"

 

"Even when we were all making 3-1 gags about the Golden State Warriors, there was always the prospect of that team eventually finding a way to render those jokes dated. And they did. That will NEVER be a danger with the Atlanta Falcons. You guys will wear 28-3 around your necks forever, into the next life and the life after that. It’s the worst loss in sports history, and will be for as long as I live."

 

"Any team can give you run of the mill disappointment, but a betrayal like that is... generational."

 

"I will never be comfortable with a Falcons lead again until two hours after the game has already ended."

 

"The only thing stopping Atlanta from becoming the most miserable sports town in America is the fact that 85% of the residents just don’t give a poo about the teams there. If anymore northerners moved there, you’d think Sherman was coming to burn it down again. No Falcons team will ever have enough loyal supporters that can’t be considered bandwagon fans. I wouldn’t take a piss on Kyle Shanahan to save him if he was crawling out of Andre Rison’s house."

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Burnout189 Mentor

Burnout189

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Posted

I love this part:

Most important, the team has moved into its new stadium. Ah yes, the House That 28-3 Built. Sponsored by Mercedes! Because the Germans ALSO know a thing or two about lost momentum.

The German Wehrmacht, the 20th century Military History version of the Atlanta Falcons

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theDIRTYcode2 Newbie

theDIRTYcode2

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Posted

I'm in the same boat as the one guy. We will be seconds away from winning one of these and just before the clock runs out, a huge goddam asteroid crashes into the stadium spray painted with the message "hahaha fug you Falcons". Probably painted black and gold too.

I laughed like hell at Megatrons butthole.

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Moorgan Enthusiast

Moorgan

Posted
Posted

"As soon as James White crossed the goal line in overtime, I simply turned the TV off and stared blankly at the screen until my party guests began packing their things and leaving in silence. In a way, I’m staring at that blank screen to this day. There’s a Falcons Super Bowl LI shirt stuffed in my drawer that I treat like a pair of baby shoes that were never used - I know I should get rid of it, but the very act of doing so might open a door to my soul that I can’t easily shut. Any team can give you run of the mill disappointment, but a betrayal like that is... generational."

LMAO

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