Ranking NFL Announcers

[SZ James (banned)]

Here's something for the long week.

NFL announcers commentating abilities, in quantifiable measurements!

Marked on how often they use cliches, factual errors, nonsense talk, self references, plays off, and off topic chatter.

Thom Brennaman/Brian Billick: 26

Another solid crew. Billick has more actual moments of genuine knowledge than any other CBS/Fox commentator. He rarely spouts clichés (only one over two games) and even his nonsensical statements are relatively benign. Meanwhile Thom-With-An-H Brennaman's main problem is taking plays off. Of his 14 infractions, half were plays off, more than any other play-by-play guy. Late in games, he kind of checks out. This would be fine if he talked about anything interesting, but he does not.

And everyone's fav Tim Ryan

Chris Myers/Tim Ryan: 87

While Dierdorf may carry the torch as the worst commentator in the NFL, the Myers/Ryan crew holds the honor of worst tandem. Ryan loves him some clichés, as 20 of his 55 infractions came in that category. Some of his favorites include "peak at the right time," "they believe they can win," "its all about courage and no fear," "this team is building character and starting to believe" and "who's going to step up and make a play?" On four separate occasions he reminded viewers that football is a "win-loss business." He also had this gem at the end of the Week 5 Panthers-Cardinals game: "Nobody can point fingers; everyone needs to look themselves in the mirror and self-reflect." I now imagine Tim Ryan standing in front of a mirror trying to peer into his soul.

Ryan had some noteworthy nonsensical statements as well. He doesn't know when to use "well" vs. "good" ("they play good in December"). I don't know what the phrase "play opportunities" means, but Ryan uses it a lot. He will surely be getting an angry telegram from Bob Costas for the phrase "Dansby shot his gun up inside there." I would be just fine if Tim never says "Pick-six house call touchdown" again. He also believes "People don't know J.J. Watt as a household name" and "[with] social media it's easy to forget how good Arian Foster has been." To begin a sentence with, "The problem with being down 14 points ..." sets the rest of the sentence up for failure. And, perhaps my favorite: "I'll tell ya, Seattle's gotta keep 'em out of the end zone in terms of a touchdown here." No, in terms of bunnies. Seattle has to keep them out of the end zone in terms of bunnies. OF COURSE IN TERMS OF A TOUCHDOWN THAT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU GET INTO THE END ZONE DEAR GOD TIM RYAN.

and the guy who brought us Donald Lafell and other gems

Sam Rosen/Heath Evans: 32

These two crews barely exist. Maybe this has more to do with the atrocious games they were commentating, but I don't actually recall a single thing any of them said. They define the "neutral" category of commentating.

Everything else: http://www.sportsonearth.com/article/66008790/

[KSpan]

Ended up having the game vs. Atlanta on and muted during the family Christmas and it was really quite nice. No announcers and no Ford, cell phone, Coors Light, or Buffalo Wild Wings commercials.

[Goondal]

Interesting.  I think the infractions should be weighted though.  Factual errors are more serious in my opinion than cliches.

[0115]

Al Michaels & Brian Billick are good in my book. The rest is just noise.

[Goondal]

Al Michaels & Brian Billick are good in my book. The rest is just noise.

 

Billick is definitely my favorite announcer.

[KendrickPanther]

I know Dan Dierdorf is a terrible commentator. But I just love him like a crazy grandpa.

[KendrickPanther]

My grandpa tells me stories about Bill Russell and Wilt Chamberlain and many other historic sports moments. They really are great stories but the details change every time I visit him.

[CarolinaNCSU]

Tim Ryan can't be low enough in my book. Dude is an absolute clown of an announcer. 

[CLTPanther]

I like Billick as well

[Jimmy]

If "Sounds Annoying as Hell" was measured then Cris Collinsworth would move to the top of the list.

[dugbug]

Interesting. I think the infractions should be weighted though. Factual errors are more serious in my opinion than cliches.

Agreed. Cliches are not that bad really. Nonsense and errors should weigh heavy.

Neat graph though

[Sean Payton's Vicodin]

lol @ the majority of gruden being "nonsense"

[KJ89]

I listen to so many games muted. Not Panther games usually but every other game I watch is muted.

[Chimera]

"Oh, no question" they didn't count all Collinsworth's cliches