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Lions week! Detroit "Bout to get Rocked" City

SCP

By SCP,
in Carolina Panthers

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SCP Enthusiast

SCP

Posted
Posted

Excuse me, before I start typing I need to scrape something off the bottom of my shoe that has been bothering me all day. Just one second.....  OK, turns out it wasn't much.  It was just a pirate eye patch.  Some Bucs fan must have tossed it out the window of his Cube after the loss on Sunday.  It must have stuck to the sole of my shoe whilst I was performing the happy dance after my Panthers crammed a big fat piece of suck it pie up those pirate booties. 

 

24 hour rule has come and gone.  Enjoy the win but file it away. Now that we escaped that 79 point throttling the ass pirates were supposed to hand us, it's time to move on to the next team on our schedule.  This team hales from the one place in America that is nastier than a Pilates class in Metarie, LA filled with female Steeler fans.  Detroit.  De-twah.  Rock City.  A place so depressing and disconnected from society that one of the major auto makers actually started a marketing program built around their product being "Imported from Detroit".  Michigan, the only state in the union that saw a decrease in population according to the last census.  This once proud manufacturing city has crumbled under corrupt politics.   Sandwiched between Toledo, the skidmark of northwest Ohio, and Windsor, the herpie of southwest Ontario, Detroit proudly pumps out Ford Fusion's by the train car full.  Union workers are making $800/hour to slap a Ford emblem on the bumper making a $3000 car retail for $40,000.  Then it’s off to the Windsor Ballet (google that poo) to stack a roll of quarters on stage and watch the magic happen.  

 

Meanwhile driving through North and South Carolina, I’m stuck behind some unemployed 400lb Michigan transplant driving his 1984 Aerostar full of kids with ketchup stained KISS t-shirts.  How do I know they have stains on their shirts?  Because once the exhaust clears I can get a great view of every passenger through the 8 inch rust holes in the front and rear quarter panels of the mini-van.  Littered with Red Wings stickers and a “My kid can beat up your Honor Student” bumper sticker, these vehicles cause more pollution than a factory in Beijing China .  You can normally spot these vans in the drive-thru at any fast food joint.  They are the ones who have to open the front door to place an order and then again to receive the order because the window hasn't rolled down since Bruce Springsteen was relevant.  Honk if you see one and make sure to welcome them to the south.  They might complain about the heat and humidity but they had the best "fire the GM" campaign when they held the Millen-Man March to fire Matt Millen.  For that they deserve a little respect. 

 

As for the game this week, well, who knows what to expect.  It looks like we have the makings of a serviceable offensive line.  Our wide receivers are good enough to get the job done.  And by gawd we are getting Cam back after a great performance by Dmotherf**kinA. Our defense had a pretty good game but Luke is not satisfied.  Neither is Riverboat.  He is so intense his transition lenses still haven’t turned clear even after he enters a dark film room.  Nippleshorts is busy doing work clearing cap space for the future.  This team means business.  Not business as usual, but a new kind of business.  An ass kicking business.  The Lions will roll into town with a beast at WR, a top tier QB, and a defensive lineman that has the potential to be one of the best in the game.  You know what?  None of that poo matters.  Because this is a new breed of Panther football.  BofA Stadium is going to be rocking.  It’s time to send a message to the NFL by putting our foot on the throats of every team we face.  Suck it Detroit.

 

Panthers 24

Lions 17

 
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PntherPryd Rookie

PntherPryd

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Posted

Is it bad that I don't even have to read SCP's work, he just automatically gets pie?

Yes. This is must read stuff! And I don't agree with SCP that this one is less than top notch. Images of old vans are going to haunt me.

The fact he often writes these gems while on the road has me looking sideways walking through airports and hotels , studying ostensible businessmen bent over their keyboards, wondering if I have spotted the elusive SCP.

Sent from my iPhone using CarolinaHuddle

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