Staying together for the sake of the kids?

[Happy Panther]

What is your view on hanging on to relationships when kids are involved?

 

I know a couple who don't have intimacy but more of a business/roommate arrangement to keep their kids happy. I think that was standard back in the day but couples are much more likely to divorce these days and let the kids deal with it.

 

I'm excluding abusive relationships and the like.

 

Not about me FYI

[toldozer]

Are they attempting to work on their relationship or are they just being lazy and saying ohh there is no longer a spark. If they have legitimately made an effort to rekindle things it may be time to move on, if not they need to grow up and realize relationships take work.

[iBBB]

The constant conflicts, lack of unity and disagreement between parents are more detrimental to a child than having only one parent around. 

[Cat]

I couldn't do it but every one is different.

[SmokinwithWilly]

Kids aren't stupid. They can read the body language of parents and can tell when things aren't right. Also, they will find a ton of ways to blame their parents problems on themselves. If financially possible, the best move IMO is to split, explain that sometimes relationships change between people, but as parents they will always love their kids and nothing will ever change that. If not financially possible, then the parents having individual rooms while co-parenting may be an option, but not really sure how that would work out. 

 

My parents stayed together even though it was obvious the spark had died a long time ago. I saw it when I was about 13 or so. 

[PandaPancake]

My opinion on this is next to nothing because I'm not a parent. But I feel when you have a child in the situation given you owe it to that child to give them a normal life growing up. And if it means spending a couple decades with someone you're not crazy about that's what you have to do.

[Redaes]

Women start to wander & look for greener pastures because 2,3,4,5,10,15 years into it the relationship is no longer a perfect HS sweetheart fling romance with butterflies & unicorns.

They're stupid that way.

[Doc Holiday]

I work in a jail, about 90% of the inmates came from a single parent house, it matters more then you think.

[boo7382]

My opinion on this is next to nothing because I'm not a parent. But I feel when you have a child in the situation given you owe it to that child to give them a normal life growing up. And if it means spending a couple decades with someone you're not crazy about that's what you have to do.

This. Except maybe not a few decades but if your kids are closer to an age where they are going to be leaving at 18 assuming college, work, etc...I think its worth it to stay together if you can be amicable for your kids.

My parents have been together my whole life and my bfs were divorced 12 years ago and it was not amicable.

Its amazing the differences we have between our families & how we interact, and its very obvious that majority of it spurs from that one event in their lives.

That was something that couldn't be avoided but the impact is certainly there.

[Scrumtrilescent]

My wife has two children from a previous marriage that was beyond salvageable.  She tried to "stay in it for the kids" for years, but it does more harm than good in the long run, which most people aren't able to see since it's such an emotionally invested scenario.  The kids grow up thinking this sort of contentious marriage/relationship is normal, and since she has two girls, that even worse...a husband/father being domineering and abusive is OK.  Instead, she and I promised to ourselves that we would offer a loving, supportive, and nurturing environment for the kids so THAT is what they see as the model relationship instead of a dysfunctional one.  I know not all people who get out of bad marriages with kids end up in better scenarios, the odds are the opposite...but in our case, it was the best for all involved.

[PandaPancake]

My wife has two children from a previous marriage that was beyond salvageable.  She tried to "stay in it for the kids" for years, but it does more harm than good in the long run, which most people aren't able to see since it's such an emotionally invested scenario.  The kids grow up thinking this sort of contentious marriage/relationship is normal, and since she has two girls, that even worse...a husband/father being domineering and abusive is OK.  Instead, she and I promised to ourselves that we would offer a loving, supportive, and nurturing environment for the kids so THAT is what they see as the model relationship instead of a dysfunctional one.  I know not all people who get out of bad marriages with kids end up in better scenarios, the odds are the opposite...but in our case, it was the best for all involved.

 

The scenario was a non-abusive relationship.

[Scrumtrilescent]

Still, the idea of giving them an example of a loving, nurturing relationship that isn't one of just roommates holds.  

[RoaringRiot]

I get trying to do what's right for the kids, but you also only have one life to live too. Stupid to waste it in a fake relationship.

[PhillyB]

i respect the ever-living fug out of it. it takes a person of deep fortitude and perseverance to put the well fare of the kids above the personal pleasures that may result from freedom.