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Never Fear, My Children, Zod Is Here....

Zod

By Zod,
in Carolina Panthers

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Zod Grand Master

Zod

Posted
Posted

I am here for you. I know the demons have invaded your very soul.

I am here to cleanse you, if you will let me.

First, turn your speakers all the way up, then press play...

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Seriously, this won't work unless you press play

Now Scroll Down...

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Keep Scrolling

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Oh heavenly football gods, we come to you today with aching hearts and sore rectums. Our feathered opponents last week gave us no courtesy, not even one drop of lubricant. I've been crapping feathers for 48 hours now, the quills a painful reminder of our incompetence.

Oh heavenly football gods, we know not what we have done to anger you in such a vicious way. We know not why you have sent the ancient Cajun demons into our stadium. Was it the time I stuffed Johnny Rockets Eagles shirt down the crotch of my sweaty shorts when Johnny Rockets was not looking? Or was it the time I placed the Eagles symbol where it truly belonged.....

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Whatever the cause, I now say OUT you demons, and go back from where you came. Return Jake Delhomme's color vision to him, and remove your demonic roller skates from our offensive line. I command you to return Fox's testicles to him so that he may once again call plays that require them.

In return, this Sunday, we promise to sacrifice and consume many pigs and chickens. We promise to finish this communion by drinking a few glasses of fermented wheat and hops. We do all of this in the hopes that our avian face raping will not repeat itself, for this would be more than even I can bare.

DEMONS OUT!!!!

Now if you will excuse me, I have more feathers to purge.

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