Joe the Show's 1st Annual Division Rival Hate-Mock

[Joe the Show]

One of my favorite parts of watching the draft unfold is seeing who our division rivals select, and instantly feeling a deep hatred begin to grow for that player.  Nothing says 'fanatic' like hating a player that just yesterday you were praying would be part of your squad.  So with that in mind, lets do some hate-mocking to our division rivals . . . 

Atlanta aka the Dirty Turds

R1 P26 - Taven Bryan DT - Florida - In a desperate move to replace Dontari Poe the failcons will reach for this fool.  A few splash plays at the college level won't translate to the big leagues, where this dude is just plain out-matched physically.  He'll show his true colors before training camp is over.  An undrafted player will struggle to hold down the position thru the regular season, as the run defense nears the bottom of the league.

R2 P58 - Isaiah Oliver CB - Colorado - Another defensive pick shows how the turds are planning to make up for the declining play of their beloved QB.  Unfortunately this will be another massive failure.  Oliver has the footwork of Stephen Hawking (RIP) and the tackling skills of Marcus Williams.  His lack of toughness and aggression will be his downfall.  Maybe all the 2nd hand (or 1st hand) pot smoke in Colorado got to him.

With picks like this the only thing to "Rise Up" in 2018 will be the fans from their seats as they head for the parking lot halfway thru another blow-out loss.

 

New Orleans Taints

R1 P27 - Arden Key EDGE - LSU - Leave it to the arrogance of Sean Payton to believe he can turn this clown into a productive NFL player.  All the talent in the world, wasted on a guy with no discipline.  He will flame out by his 2nd season, but not before getting trucked a few times by Cameron Newton.  But hey, maybe they'll let Marcus Williams teach him the finer points of tackling so he can avoid injury. (yes that is two shots at Williams.  I'm not sorry)

R3 P91 - Mark Andrews TE - Oklahoma - Brees has a way of making the talent around him look better than it actually is.  Sadly for Andrews that QB won't be around forever.  A few big plays as a rookie will give fans hope, but ultimately this guy is a slow, poor blocking, uninspiring waste of a pick.

Who dat?  Just a couple guys who we won't remember in 3 years.

 

Tampa Bay Bucs (No reason to make fun of the name.  I feel bad for them)

R1 P7 - Minkah Fitzpatrick CB/S - Alabama - A really good player without a doubt.  But, as we have seen so many times, the Bucs could fug up a wet dream.  They will mis-use Minkah until his spirit is broken and he quits on them.  He will be traded for picks in a couple years, where his career will blossom with another franchise.  Probably the steelers or patriots.

R2 P38 - Sony Michel RB - Georgia - Another talented player, and another opportunity to squander the talent behind terrible blocking and poor QB play.  Sony has some ability, but the game-breaking plays won't translate to the NFL when LBs can close the lanes.  He will try to put his head down and gain yards with power, only to find that his power doesn't mean much to Luke Freakly.

aaaand I'm spent.  Sound off with your own pre-emptive mock hatred.

[t96]

Oliver ain’t falling into the 2nd and will be a great player.

[Rick Grimes]

I see a number of players on here the Panthers I’m sure would love to have. Probably should start to hate the prospect after they’ve actually been picked

[Joe the Show]

13 minutes ago, t96 said:

Oliver ain’t falling into the 2nd and will be a great player.

Dude it's a joke thread.  I realize they all won't suck

[Peppers90 NC]

16 minutes ago, t96 said:

Oliver ain’t falling into the 2nd and will be a great player.

He might but not that far. I would good if we drafted him ourselves. Hurney would really have to shoot himself in the foot to fug this draft up as I think it's almost hard to get our first two picks wrong.

[RumHam]

Giving all the D to these poo posts

[Joe the Show]

addendum:  I didn't come up with these picks.  I found them on other random internet mock drafts.  I'm just using them to make fun of our division.  Try not to bash me for picks and just enjoy the hate on our division.

[mc52beast]

I’ve seen turds I like more than the Failcons

Have to be into in-breeding before the Aints will draft you

Tampa Bay Sux- that’s all you need to know

[Joe the Show]

5 minutes ago, mc52beast said:

I’ve seen turds I like more than the Failcons

Have to be into in-breeding before the Aints will draft you

Tampa Bay Sux- that’s all you need to know

Finally someone understands the spirit of the post.  Muchas gracias

[Peppers90 NC]

27 minutes ago, RumHam said:

Giving all the D to these poo posts

you're a guy that loves the D

[shaqattaq]

4 hours ago, Rick Grimes said:

I see a number of players on here the Panthers I’m sure would love to have. Probably should start to hate the prospect after they’ve actually been picked

I'd kill for the 2 Tampa picks.

[Panthers8969]

If Oliver falls to the second round I’d love to get him 

[TheSpecialJuan]

8 hours ago, Joe the Show said:

One of my favorite parts of watching the draft unfold is seeing who our division rivals select, and instantly feeling a deep hatred begin to grow for that player.  Nothing says 'fanatic' like hating a player that just yesterday you were praying would be part of your squad.  So with that in mind, lets do some hate-mocking to our division rivals . . . 

Atlanta aka the Dirty Turds

R1 P26 - Taven Bryan DT - Florida - In a desperate move to replace Dontari Poe the failcons will reach for this fool.  A few splash plays at the college level won't translate to the big leagues, where this dude is just plain out-matched physically.  He'll show his true colors before training camp is over.  An undrafted player will struggle to hold down the position thru the regular season, as the run defense nears the bottom of the league.

R2 P58 - Isaiah Oliver CB - Colorado - Another defensive pick shows how the turds are planning to make up for the declining play of their beloved QB.  Unfortunately this will be another massive failure.  Oliver has the footwork of Stephen Hawking (RIP) and the tackling skills of Marcus Williams.  His lack of toughness and aggression will be his downfall.  Maybe all the 2nd hand (or 1st hand) pot smoke in Colorado got to him.

With picks like this the only thing to "Rise Up" in 2018 will be the fans from their seats as they head for the parking lot halfway thru another blow-out loss.

 

New Orleans Taints

R1 P27 - Arden Key EDGE - LSU - Leave it to the arrogance of Sean Payton to believe he can turn this clown into a productive NFL player.  All the talent in the world, wasted on a guy with no discipline.  He will flame out by his 2nd season, but not before getting trucked a few times by Cameron Newton.  But hey, maybe they'll let Marcus Williams teach him the finer points of tackling so he can avoid injury. (yes that is two shots at Williams.  I'm not sorry)

R3 P91 - Mark Andrews TE - Oklahoma - Brees has a way of making the talent around him look better than it actually is.  Sadly for Andrews that QB won't be around forever.  A few big plays as a rookie will give fans hope, but ultimately this guy is a slow, poor blocking, uninspiring waste of a pick.

Who dat?  Just a couple guys who we won't remember in 3 years.

 

Tampa Bay Bucs (No reason to make fun of the name.  I feel bad for them)

R1 P7 - Minkah Fitzpatrick CB/S - Alabama - A really good player without a doubt.  But, as we have seen so many times, the Bucs could fug up a wet dream.  They will mis-use Minkah until his spirit is broken and he quits on them.  He will be traded for picks in a couple years, where his career will blossom with another franchise.  Probably the steelers or patriots.

R2 P38 - Sony Michel RB - Georgia - Another talented player, and another opportunity to squander the talent behind terrible blocking and poor QB play.  Sony has some ability, but the game-breaking plays won't translate to the NFL when LBs can close the lanes.  He will try to put his head down and gain yards with power, only to find that his power doesn't mean much to Luke Freakly.

aaaand I'm spent.  Sound off with your own pre-emptive mock hatred.

These would all be great drafts