Jump to content

  • Welcome!

    Register and log in easily with Twitter or Google accounts!

    Or simply create a new Huddle account. 

    Members receive fewer ads , access our dark theme, and the ability to join the discussion!

     

The Five Stages of Football Grief

Guest Irv

By Guest Irv,
in Carolina Panthers

Recommended Posts

Guest Irv

Guest Irv

Posted
Posted

There's a process to dealing with these kinds of crushing defeats. It's a process all of us go through. It's like grieving over the death of a loved one, only much more devastating. The traditional five stage of grief are as follows:

1. Denial

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

This model doesn't work for dealing football grief. For one thing, there is NEVER acceptance. As a fan, you can't simply accept losing. That would make you a total pussy. Here are the adjusted five stages of grief as it pertains to horrible football defeats.

1. ANGER.

fug! God fuging dammit! I WILL BLOW UP THE STADIUM BANE STYLE I SWEAR TO fuging GOD. poo! fug! Ass! Cock!

(cry angry tears)

THESE ARE TEARS OF ANGER!

(throws remote against wall)

(sees remote is broken)

fug!

(sees wife walk in, perplexed as to why you threw the remote against the wall and broke it)

DON'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING TO ME RIGHT NOW, WOMAN. I'LL fuging REPLACE IT.

Okay, I'm sorry I called you, "woman." Wait, where are you going? Can't we just talk about this?

2. DENIAL

We gave it to them! WE fuging GAVE IT TO THEM! They did not deserve to win that game! They did not win it. We LOST it. They got lucky! Statistically, we were CLEARLY the better team. THE REFS WERE fuging BIASED. Roger Goodell and the league office wanted the other team to prevail to help goose ratings and/or prop up an ailing TV market. That was not a legitimate win! If we make that field goal, we win. If player X doesn't get hurt, we win. If we had a fatter defensive line to stop that mediocre running back, we win. If something that did happen that obviously should not have happened does not happen, we win. In any other alternate universe, WE ARE RIGHTFUL CHAMPIONS.

(NOTE: Fans of the 2007 Patriots are still on this stage.)

3. IDLE DEMANDS

THAT'S fuging IT! I've had enough of everyone involved with playing for this team, coaching it, owning it, coordinating air and ground transport for it. I want them ALL fired. All of them. Every last one. I don't care that replacing an entire roster and coaching staff is a painstaking and inexact process that could do more harm than good. SOMEONE NEEDS TO TAKE THE fuging FALL FOR THIS poo! Or else I am DONE with this team. D-O-N-E. Forever. Completely done. No longer a fan. I SWEAR I'LL FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THIS.

(calls talk radio station and repeats demands)

(goes on team message board, reiterates demands)

(Hugs Team jersey saying he's sorry and will never leave you)

4. QUESTIONING

Why? Why, God? Why must you allow something like this to happen? I've been good to you. I wash my hands on occasion. I only masturbated in front of the babysitter twice, which was downright restrained given her incredible rack. Why must you do this? DO YOU EVEN EXIST?

5. INDIFFERENCE

fug it, what else is on?

If you're a veteran of this process as I am, you can go from Step 1 directly to Step 5. And in only just a few short minutes. Pfft. fug them. They're toast. Bastards.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
rayzor Grand Master

rayzor

Posted
Posted

I have one stage:

1) "Well, that sucked."

I don't understand why everyone needs to take this poo so seriously.

same here only it comes with a shrug, a couple excedrin, and then my finger hitting the remote or my head hitting the pillow on the couch as i take a nap.

it's just not that big of a deal...esp. this early in the season and with the team building the way it is.

i'd like for it to reach it's potential right now, but it's not completely necessary. this is still a young team with a great new QB and a very young and promising coaching staff. we're in good shape going forward. a bump or two in the road like we just had a couple days ago isn't that big of a deal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing

  • PMH4OWPW7JD2TDGWZKTOYL2T3E.jpg

  • Topics

  • Posts

    • Bear Hands
      Noah Fant? "Perfect fix?" More like imperfect fix.

      By Bear Hands · Posted

      I've liked him since his rookie year as a prospect, but when he's been asked to play in a large capacity, he has simply not done well.   He does not really add anything, rather muddies up the room.  Fant is TERRIBLE as a blocker, a pure receiving TE.   Let's just put Tremble aside since he's PUP (although I still like him as a TE2, but yeah he's not our future starter)... Sanders has already shown better receiving skills than a Fant and has a nice ceiling.  Not to mention, he's got in-line run blocking skills.  I really want to see what he's capable of this year.  Also has a year+ experience now in Canales' offense, not to mention legit chemistry with Bryce. And after Sanders, I also imagine our staff is waiting to see how Mitchell Evans looks in camp as he's got the in-line blocking skills.  If he looks fully capable of filling in behind Sanders, then I don't see a need.  Overall, keep an eye out on early August moves.  They are usually soft indicators of how staff's view their rookie late rounders and roster overall.  This is a wait and see what the market presents and how they think their unit looks in camp.  
    • CRA
      give some props to Andy Dalton

      By CRA · Posted

      Every team has different needs of the backup QB.   On some teams a young hopeful makes sense and on others an old worn out dude makes sense.  We are a little more in the in-between IMO where you probably would prefer a Fields, Pickett, Howell type IMO.   So a young disappoint that you there is still some hail mary hope in.....given BY essentially was benched both seasons for performance (I know that's not the official line going into Seattle but I think most would agree he got a break and should of been benched later that year).  I know we want Bryce to be the week 17 guy all season this upcoming year.  But it's still in the reasonable thought process that the other dude could show back up. 
    • PanthersGTI
      Noah Fant? "Perfect fix?" More like imperfect fix.

      By PanthersGTI · Posted

      I wouldn't mind it if they bring him in cheap for competition. I would imagine he would vie for the 3rd TE spot with the rookie. 
×
×
  • Create New...