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MRSA Bay Buccaneers

SCP

By SCP,
in Carolina Panthers

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SCP

Posted
Posted

Hot damn! We survived the scumbag Jeff Fischer and his dirty St. Louise Rams and son of a bitch if we aren't sitting here with a win streak in Charlotte, NC. I honestly do not know how to act right now. That game yesterday was entertaining to say the least and I am thrilled to come away with a W. It is also good to know that we will not have to hear anything else from the 4-5 guys that make up Ram Nation County.

So on to the Sunshine State we go. I'm sure when Otis Redding wrote his classic song Sitting on the Dock of the Bay he wasn't envisioning a smelly 400 lb. offensive lineman with a flesh eating disease called MRSA. Pack your Lysol, pack your Purel, bring your body condoms, drink a bunch of Airborne, hide your kids, and hide your wife because we are heading to the land of ass pirates and MRSA outbreaks. Don't worry about contracting anything from Bucs fans because they will not be anywhere near Ray-J on Thursday night. Antibiotics won't help with MRSA so avoid contact with Donald Penn's fat ass if you see him in line at the Golden Coral sucking down fried Okra by the pound and dipping meat loaf squares in the Chocolate Wonderfall. They signed Revis, one of the best man coverge DBs in my lifetime, to a huge deal and play him in zone. Brillant! They blitz on victory formation plays. They apparently don't wash their hands after they poop so their facilities are living, breathing petri dishes for things like dysentery. Their fans think dressing like a pirate is cool and they have cool pirate names on their message boards like Swashbuckler and TimmyTheAssPirate. I kind of remember when it was cool to dress like a pirate but that's back when I was 9 and carrying around a plastic pumpkin and begging strangers to throw my fat ass a mini Snickers bar. Fugging popcorn balls got their ass egged. I mean seeing some loser dressed as a pirate pull up to the game in his 2002 PT Cruiser with the "Arrrgh!" vanity license tags and the "Surrender Your Booty" bumper sticker does not instill fear in any man. You know the guy I'm talking about. He makes regular appearaces on To Catch a Predator and Cops. It makes me want to grab him by the collar of his puffy pirate shirt and throw his white trash ass back into his Hillsborough County meth house.

The Glazer family has thrown a tone of money around lately on names like Jackson, Revis, Golson, and Nicks. Big fugging deal. Maybe they should invest in a name like Chlorox. Unfortunately they also hired a squishy faced twit as a coach who's more worried about proving he is a bad ass than winning games. Captain Munnerlyn's short ass is going to climb Vjax like a lumberjack while our D-line forces that Napoleon Dynamite look-a-like QB of theirs into making duck fart throw after duck fart throw. At halftime, Donald Penn will be calling that Apple Cart Roof Cleaning guy to pressure wash the poop out of his jock strap after The Kraken knocks the fat out of his man tits. Last time I called on Fua to be the hero he disappointed me. I think he steps up to the plate on Thursday and disappoints me again. Star and KK are going to make their pressence known and our offense is going to score just enough to get us a W.

Panthers 17

Bucs 14

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