Washington week: Daniel Snyder endorses wearing Zubaz pants with Crocs

[SCP]

Sonela.  Sonela is a word the Cherokee Indian people use for the number 9.  Feels good to be 9-0 after going into Nashville and snatching a win from a better-than-their 2-6 record Titans team.  The victory had me dancing on the ceiling like Lionel Richie after an 8-ball.  The win also apparently sent Tennessee soccer mom’s in high-waisted mom jeans into fits of rage.  Nissan Stadium parking lots were full of minivans driven by beaten down, milquetoast husbands listening to the guttural screams of their wives complaining about the pelvic thrusts of huge, scary black guys.  Rosemary Plorin rooted for the preacher in Footloose while the rest of America rooted for Kevin Bacon and bought “Dance Your Ass Off” t-shirts.
At the end of the game on Sunday in honor of my new found mental image of Titans fans, I made some popcorn and binge watched reruns of Designing Women and Paula Dean’s cooking shows.  I only added a little Dab of salt on them popcorn kernels though because we all know too much salt can lead to health problems.  Thanks Rosemary Plorin!  Your stupid ass PR degree looks to be a worthless piece of paper but at least you inspired me to dig up some old 80’s tunes.

https://youtu.be/AjPau5QYtYs

So now that 24 hours has passed it’s time to forget about Tennessee mom jeans and turn our attention to the next team and trashy fan base that will enter BofA stadium.  This group of folks has me a little angry and in a less than jovial mood.  We are staring down the barrel at a fan base where fecal incontinence runs rampant.  The fans and their four eyed owner think Native American culture can be purchased in the costume aisle at Walmart.  They will come from small communities all across NC and hate on the home team for reasons that make zero sense.  Yes, we get to face the team from Landover, MD and about 30,000 morons cut from the same Benedict Arnold fabric as the Cowboy, Steeler, and Packer fans around the region.  

This entire week sickens me and it's one I have dreaded since the schedule was announced.  10-0 means nothing.  The previous 9 wins mean nothing.  We must end Sunday at 1-0.  We must take Ron Rivera's words to heart and send those assholes in burgundy down the ramps in tears.  The only difference between this group of fans and the three aforementioned fan bases is that Landover fans think it’s acceptable to smear on some brown face, throw on a head dress, and dance around smacking their lips and making those fake Indian chant sounds we were taught about in 4th grade.  They hide behind the mantra of “tradition not hate” because who wouldn’t defend a name that reminds Native Americans of a time when immigrants stole land from their tribes, am I right?  I mean at least in 1924 the US Government was kind enough to throw Native Americans a bone and recognize them as US Citizens.  Then in 1932 George Marshall thought it would be a hell of a way to honor our new US Citizens by founding a football team in our nations capital and nicknaming it a term that would make young Native Americans question their own skin color.  Hail to the freaking, well you get the idea.  If you ask a Landover fan to tell you about the Trail of Tears they will undoubtedly reminisce about the time they were in line at the Golden Corral buffet and it ran out of yeast rolls.  They are proud to shout a derogatory name and are unapologetic if someone takes offense.  It’s not surprising because finding a Landover fan with class is harder than finding a Huddle House waitress without herpes that’s not willing to comp some scattered-smothered-covered hash browns for sex and a smoke in the bathroom with a customer.  

But I digress Panther fans, because if you are one of the few that didn’t sell your tickets and are actually going to the game on Sunday, get ready to see thousands of redneck assholes in maroon jerseys dressed like a character from a Yosemite Sam cartoon in the name of "respect".  Unfortunately Charlotte’s tailgating lots will be full of Anglo-Saxon and African American assholes in some old ass Zubaz pants devouring Laura Lynn cold cuts out of the trunk of a 1993 Ford Taurus they bought from Hertz Car Rental.  Buying a used rental car is like marrying a hooker with type II diabetes and a prosthetic vagina, so know your tailgating neighbors.   

When we take the field on Sunday I’m sure the Vegas line will be close.  The Redskins can run the ball and Kirk Cousins is having the best 3 game stretch of his career.  Once again we will walk into our house and opposing fans will be talking about how they just need to make Newton throw the ball or how we haven’t played anybody.  I count 9 times now that we have had to hear about how we haven’t beaten anybody so I welcome that same input from the masses.  You know that our team is not over looking this opponent.  They will come into this game laser focused and ready to play.  This could be one of the best WR corps we have faced thus far and they have a nice TE and a good combo of RBs.  But I am not sure Gruden and company have faced a defense like ours.  I think our defense will swarm and hit Cousins and cause confusion.  I think our boys will force a few turnovers that will get the ball into our offenses hands where we will control the clock with a steady dose of run and capitalize with a few big plays.  Look for Cam to log another game with at least one rushing TD and a passing TD.  I have a feeling that Shaq Thompson scores a TD this game and we get a nice hard earned victory.  Hail to my nuts Skins fans.

EMBRACE THIS TEAM, CHARLOTTE!!

Panthers 28
Landover 14
 

I mean what screams respect and admiration better than these clowns: 

[PntherPryd]

pinned, pied, settling in for a good read.

 

favorites;  

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If you ask a Landover fan to tell you about the Trail of Tears they will undoubtedly reminisce about the time they were in line at the Golden Corral buffet and it ran out of yeast rolls.  

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inding a Landover fan with class is harder than finding a Huddle House waitress without herpes that’s not willing to comp some scattered-smothered-covered hash browns for sex and a smoke in the bathroom with a customer.  

 

[L-TownCat]

Not even gonna read it.

not ready for that much awesome.

im gonna need a cliff notes version so I don't /dead.

[Paa Langfart]

You had me at 8 ball - extra pie.

[Moorgan]

"If you ask a Landover fan to tell you about the Trail of Tears they will undoubtedly reminisce about the time they were in line at the Golden Corral buffet and it ran out of yeast rolls."

 

So much win in this. Golden entry SCP. Absolutely golden.

[Paa Langfart]

Didnt even know about prosthetic vajayjays till I read this.  Wish I had more pie to give.

[jbeachbum24]

Immediately shared on social media for all the NC Washington fans I know.

[CarolinaXblue]

Hell yeah!

[teeray]

I had a blue 1993 Ford Taurus back in college.  Still my favorite car I ever owned. 

 

[Ricky Spanish]

You're right on many issues but one:

The skins can't run the ball. Their O-Line sucks and gets no push. They can't block for any one of the three backs they carry. They can run screens and they can throw well. If we shut down the pass, we win this game. 

[PhillyB]

left a conference session to read this. was not disappointed

[TheRed]

Love the Safety Dance reference.

Bravo.

[ecu88]

Was stuck:

Then after reading:

[heelsrule1988]

Had to wait longer than usual for the aged car reference. Was not disappointed.