Jump to content

  • Welcome!

    Register and log in easily with Twitter or Google accounts!

    Or simply create a new Huddle account. 

    Members receive fewer ads , access our dark theme, and the ability to join the discussion!

     

Dave Gettleman's shorts are retiring

SCP

By SCP,
in Carolina Panthers

Recommended Posts

SCP Enthusiast

SCP

Posted
Posted

Statement:

“Since snuggling up tight to the schweaty bewbie crease of the Panthers general manager, my philosophy has been to always do what’s in the best interest of Dave Gettleman, which means absorbing swamp ass and supporting roster cards and Skoal cans so the big guy can build a team to sustain success.  I don’t subscribe to the 'baggy' theory, that coaching shorts have to hang low and cover the knee caps.  I don’t subscribe to the ‘his balls need to breath’ theory, because in my mind Dave’s balls are the brassiest of all GMs and they can sustain success hanging low in Spartanburg heat or retracted up high and tight in the frozen tundra of Green Bay. Sustained success can be accomplished by being taut and intentionally hiked up to show a little thigh when patrolling the fields in his golf cart.

"When Dave decided to cut the tag off my seam, we were fine with the humid and hot conditions we were about to face on a daily basis.  We are a team, he and I.  As we got deeper into the Spartanburg schedule, we realized there was a significant difference in our thoughts and the meteorologists. The intervening weeks gave us additional time to evaluate where we are going as man and his outer garment.  With the realization that cooler temps were not going to get done, our internal conversations kept leading us to the fact that showing more moose knuckle was becoming less attractive. So we made our decision yesterday and we are moving on.  I am heading on to leaner pastures, hoping to land on the buttocks of less portly but equally driven individual.

"I will say that my relationship with Dave was professional and respectful in tone, even as he was squeezing out early morning flatulence.  I looked forward to hearing the daily #ShortsReport from Jeremy Igo, who so eloquently described the location of my snug fit. I certainly respect Dave and all that he has done for my brand. It is with sagging and stretched elastic, I wish Dave well."

shorts.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing

  • PMH4OWPW7JD2TDGWZKTOYL2T3E.jpg

  • Topics

  • Posts

    • PleaseCutStewart
      OK, now it's time to discuss a couple of yesterday's problems. Let's talk "Evero."

      By PleaseCutStewart · Posted

      Yep - honestly though, I thought his coverage was as good as you could possibly do on a man coverage crossing route with Dak having all day to throw. Dak made a perfect throw and if it wasn't in front of Pickens, it could have easily been picked off. Seemed like we ran more man than I have seen our defense run so far this year. Defense also did a great job of playing their gap/zone responsibilities (even if Dak did pick apart our zone a good chunk of the game) - that screen play on the last drive could easily have gone for a touchdown if Moehrig didn't play his zone and make a great tackle. Biggest complaint about Evero was not blitzing a few more times (especially when Dallas was in the red zone). The few times we did it, Dak didn't look comfortable.
    • SmokinwithWilly
      This has to be bitached about, those biased refs

      By SmokinwithWilly · Posted

      There was some pretty egregious missed calls vs the Chiefs in the Lions game, especially Kelce. The completion where he clearly used the ground to catch the ball. The hold in front of the ref as Pacheco ran by where the defender was trying to turn around and couldnt because Kelce had him by the jersey. Mahomes openly taunting after scoring a TD. 0 penalties after double digit the week before. Cmon. 
    • Khyber53
      Trade Chuba?

      By Khyber53 · Posted

      People get trade happy and look at resources as barter items. They fail to see them as resources to be used to our benefit rather than someone else's. Right now, Chuba and Rico are massive benefits to us and a strong rushing attack so greatly benefits any passer, much less a young one like Bryce still is.  And the better our running game, the more our offense can eat up the clock, the less time our defense is on the field. And that is priceless, too. Don't mess with the running game. Don't mess with the receivers. Maybe look at our O-line and think we may have hit on something good during these injuries. Look at our D-line and seem some strength evolving there. Our secondary has its good spots and some that are still developing. Our linebacking corps did well this last outing. Our special teams are on a major upswing as of this past week. Heck, even our QB is showing us a little something right now that we can build on. Perhaps putting out a yard sale sign right now might be less advantageous than looking at the team and saying, "You are all part of something good that is happening. We want to see that continue to grow."  
×
×
  • Create New...