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What should I do in this situation

Mayor Qumiby

By Mayor Qumiby,
in Huddle Lounge

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Mayor Qumiby Collaborator

Mayor Qumiby

Posted
Posted

Ok so let me set up the scenario, I stay with my gf at her house. She has a kid with this guy who beat her up 4 yrs ago , when she was a month pregnant although he didn't know she was holding his child ( and no I wasn't trying to downplay what he did ) so in the 3 years she has been her I think he has seen her once and that was when she was about 6 months old. And my girlfriend and him don't really talk to each other, or at least that's what I thought .

Anyways fastforward to today. She goes to pre-school 9 and depending on if I worked late or not I'll ride with her and my gf to drop her off. Well today I was sleepy so I stayed in bed and my girlfriend didn't even ask me to wake up (which she normally does) ..so I hear them leave the house but before the door shuts I heard a guys voice. So I go and see who it is, and it's her babys daddy. And they leave and take the kid to school togther and they have been gone about an hour for something that takes 15 minutes .

He's my question .. and I don't want you guys thinking im getting jelouse because I think it would be great for her to know her dad and have a relationship with him.

But I'm unsure if I should let my girlfriend know that I knew he came by or should I act dumb, play like I'm still asleep and not mention anything until she says something ?

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SCMunnerlyn1 Mentor

SCMunnerlyn1

Posted
Posted

Ok so let me set up the scenario, I stay with my gf at her house. She has a kid with this guy who beat her up 4 yrs ago , when she was a month pregnant although he didn't know she was holding his child ( and no I wasn't trying to downplay what he did ) so in the 3 years she has been her I think he has seen her once and that was when she was about 6 months old. And my girlfriend and him don't really talk to each other, or at least that's what I thought .

Anyways fastforward to today. She goes to pre-school 9 and depending on if I worked late or not I'll ride with her and my gf to drop her off. Well today I was sleepy so I stayed in bed and my girlfriend didn't even ask me to wake up (which she normally does) ..so I hear them leave the house but before the door shuts I heard a guys voice. So I go and see who it is, and it's her babys daddy. And they leave and take the kid to school togther and they have been gone about an hour for something that takes 15 minutes .

He's my question .. and I don't want you guys thinking im getting jelouse because I think it would be great for her to know her dad and have a relationship with him.

But I'm unsure if I should let my girlfriend know that I knew he came by or should I act dumb, play like I'm still asleep and not mention anything until she says something ?

Ask about it a little .. play close attention to her body language .. make sure shes not looking off to the side while talking yada yada .. best case scenario .. they and got breakfast or something at a fast food joint and said hey how ya been yada yada..

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thefuzz Mentor

thefuzz

Posted
Posted

Personally, I would get out of the relationship....but that's just me.

If you are going to stay...then certainly ask what was going on? It's in our nature to protect the women in our lives, and you were not snooping you were wondering why there was another man in the house.

Get the skinny, and if it doesn't add up, pack your poo.

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PanthaSan Newbie

PanthaSan

Posted
Posted

Ouch, buddy.

I guess it comes down to how you view the relationship you have with your gf.

Are you in it for the long haul? Is it one of those "we'll see what happens?"

Either way. I would ask her about it. Maybe the D-Bag wants to get to know his daughter and that would be a good thing. It would be weird at best if your gf is trying to hide this from you and the sooner you find out, the better.

Pretty much comes down to a trust issue IMHO.

FWIW, I went through the same thing when I married MamaSan. Our 6 yo's dad never wanted anything to do with her until MamaSan started the process of Child Support after 4 years.

In my daughter's eyes, I was Dad and the only father she ever knew.

He was going to be an active father (his words) until he realized how much he owed and all the other stuff the state does to collect from deadbeat dads. He gladly signed her over so I could adopt her legally because she was just an inconvienience to him.

He turned out to be a real POS....

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bleys Newbie

bleys

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All I can say is you have more patience than me, I wouldn't have let them leave the driveway before I had a clear understanding of the whole situation....Very clear.

not the smart approach.. that's the approach that gets you nothing in return other than being "the jackass" in the situation. (whether it's warranted or not)

she doesn't know he knows.. don't go blowing up her phone and being retarded.

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mr beauxjangles Newbie

mr beauxjangles

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i would let her know that you know. don't be confrontational about it. give her the chance to explain. whatever you do, don't involve the kid (in other words, don't ask the kid anything like "have you seen him before" or "what did you do on the way to school" etc). that's my two pennies.

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Zcustom Newbie

Zcustom

Posted
Posted

The fact that she didn't wake you up "like normal" is a bad sign IMO

she didn't want you to know that he was going with them, why she didn't is the real question. Either way she's either banging him or he's gonna be part of your lives from now on. Are either of those scenarios desirable to you?

Regardless sorry to hear it man

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bleys Newbie

bleys

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Posted

do NOT tell her you know. let her dig a hole and then watch her try to dig herself out.

do not lose the only ace in your hand. if you do, it's only going to be that much harder for you to back her in a corner instead of derailing the f**k out of the conversation with all kinds of bullshit, lies, twisting truth, etc..

if she isn't upfront, you know something is up. if she is upfront, you can cautiously talk it out.

telling her you know is stupid. she doesn't know you know, that's the only solid foundation you have to TRULY know if she's lying or being upfront.

seriously, the only thing that needs to come out of your mouth when you talk next is "sorry about this morning, I must have been having a really good dream when you tried to wake me up... did you get there okay?"

then push and prod.. not at the same time, just ask some random questions like, was traffic crazy when you dropped her off at school? did you get to work on time? etc

if she never mentions him.. you know something is up. then maybe throw her a curve ball.. tell her that her baby's daddy called the other day and you forgot to tell her. see her reaction. I don't know you're girl and exactly how to attack this, but play it smooth and be tactful.

if she throws you a fastball down the middle that you know isn't true, hit a homerun and drop the bomb on her like you saw him out the window and what is she hiding..

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