Deadspin Why Your Team Sucks: Carolina Panthers

[fieryprophet]

I am really disappointed, I was hoping to laugh my ass off but he gets so much wrong in the first few paragraphs it kinda killed the whole piece.

[lola]

Meh. C- for the article and A for the comments.

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[pantherj]

Did anyone here this one about two years ago:

 

Eugene - "Our opponent scored 17 unanswered points, and that's unacceptable."

 

Mick - "But we did just score, so we did answer with a score."

 

Eugene - ".............. Mick........ those were unanswered points."

 

Mick - "No we answered. We scored."

 

Eugene - "We'll talk after the show."

 

 

[Clicheking]

 

Our front office gave our QB Domenik Hixon, Ted Ginn, Brandon LaFell, and 40% of Steve Smith and said "if you're the franchise QB, this is good enough". He still made the Pro Bowl and got us to the playoffs. We then promptly replaced all of those guys with Jason Avant and Jerricho Cotchery. When our Pro Bowl LT retired in June, we replaced him with Byron Bell, one of the worst RTs in the league. We replaced Byron Bell with a converted defensive lineman who has never played OT before. Our organization is actively trying to let Cam Newton die on the football field.

We took a dominant spread offense QB, and put him in a scheme built around spending 5 minutes to gain 12 yards. Our offensive game plan is to watch our overpaid 30 year old RBs get tackled for 1 yard gains, then watch Cam somehow avoid 3 sacks and make a huge play, right before getting knocked the fug out by every defensive lineman.

 

 

Lmao spot on

[PandaPancake]

The article is a lot funnier if you read it in Big Ben's voice

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[backINblack28]

After reading Atlanta's, and the one from the team that came into the league with us....I can't do anything but smile, and then laugh uncontrollably.  Perspective. 

 

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-jacksonville-jaguars-1616275574

[PantherWake]

Mick does get pretty clueless a lot of the time

[Ricky Spanish]

Comments were funny, but the first half was half assed:

 

 

 

By the way, the success of the Panthers defense last season helped mask the fact that Cam Newton turned the ball over more last season than he ever has in his career. 

 

Completely false statement there. Cam had 16 TO's last year compared to 22 in '12 and '11. 

[SCP]

These are hilarious. Just read through all of them. Love the comments at the end from the fans as well.

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Those fan comments are pretty accurate. BofA gets owned by opposing fans like no other. Also the guy who says "born and raised in NC and not remotely a Panther fan" needs to be punched in the throat.

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[jasonluckydog]

I thought it was fuging stupid

[frash.exe]

I remember last years' emails as being hilarious

[Razeyfingers]

 

To help plug the gaps, the Panthers signed Roman Harper, who is 97 years old. Why do teams keep giving Roman Harper work? Does Bill Parcells threaten to sit on GMs if they don't bring Harper in for a workout?

 

Thats good stuff. Reminds me of the Joe Louis was a 176 old! bit

[Razeyfingers]

lol did Delhomey write this article?

 

 

That is the face of an owner who loves nothing more than to treat his employees like welfare recipients.

 

[Ruff]

I feel like the comments from readers was funnier than the article. :/