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So...Did she have a point?

Mr. Scot

By Mr. Scot,
in Huddle Lounge

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Mr. Scot Grand Master

Mr. Scot

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Mentioned a while back that I was no longer dating Lady Buc Fan. Currently with a Bengals/Auburn fan (she loves teams with tiger mascots, I suppose) but I have a lingering question that's left over from the breakup.

One of the things that facilitated the split was related to the story about the little boy I coached who needed a kidney transplant (update ). See, after the father was found not to be a viable donor, they were looking at other options.

Hearing the story, I volunteered to be screened as a candidate. Didn't really figure I'd be suitable either, but I thought it was at least worth a shot.

Well, when I told her what I'd done, Lady Buc Fan blew up at me. She stated that since she and I were planning on spending our lives together, I shouldn't have done something that could have had life-altering consequences like that without consulting her first. Me? I just thought it was the right thing to do. Resulting fight - and other things that followed - contributed to a mutual decision to go our separate ways.

Mind you, I'm very happy with my new lady and she's okay too, so it's all worked out fine. Still, I find myself wondering a little about that particular discussion.

Did she have a point?

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Mr. Scot Grand Master

Mr. Scot

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Its not like you agreed to donate, it was just a screen... I see her point but i disagree and if she cant see your side enough to work it out, its better that you guys split.

I think you did the right thing.

Just to be clear, had I been a match, I would indeed have gone through with it.

That said, I knew going in the chances of that happening were pretty slim.

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sharkkiller Rookie

sharkkiller

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While I can see her point, I think it would only be truly valid if you were a match and agreed to the surgery without talking to her about it. But going for the screening is an admirable act, and she should be supportive of your choice to help someone in need. I agree that it is good you split with her if she is going to react to situations in that manner.

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mav1234 Grand Master

mav1234

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Honestly I think she really only has a point if you had already signed up and made the decision to do it and never even let her know you were going to. I think mentioning it to her couldn't hurt, but the "this could have major, life-altering consequences" discussion could have occurred after you found out you were a match.

If your plan all along was to do it without ever mentioning it to her and discussing it, I think that is a mistake. What you did wasn't a problem, but I think that the person you are living with should at least be able to talk with you about your plans in regards to something like that - so while you had made up your mind already, it would have been good to talk to her about it before making the final plans for the procedure, IMO.

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Mr. Scot Grand Master

Mr. Scot

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Honestly I think she really only has a point if you had already signed up and made the decision to do it and never even let her know you were going to. I think mentioning it to her couldn't hurt, but the "this could have major, life-altering consequences" discussion could have occurred after you found out you were a match.

If your plan all along was to do it without ever mentioning it to her and discussing it, I think that is a mistake. What you did wasn't a problem, but I think that the person you are living with should at least be able to talk with you about your plans in regards to something like that - so while you had made up your mind already, it would have been good to talk to her about it before making the final plans for the procedure, IMO.

I told her about it the same day I volunteered.

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mav1234 Grand Master

mav1234

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I guess it depends how the conversation went down, but it sounds like overall she overreacted a bit... I understand where she is coming from but it doesn't sound like you were at the stage yet where the "life altering decision" stuff was in need of discussion IMO.

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