Jump to content
  • Welcome!

    Register and log in easily with Twitter or Google accounts!

    Or simply create a new Huddle account. 

    Members receive fewer ads , access our dark theme, and the ability to join the discussion!

     

Cincinnati Bungles week


SCP

Recommended Posts

Well dip my sack in peanut butter and drop me off at the dog pound, son of a bitch if we didn't bounce back and win a game this past weekend.  Feels good.  Feels real good.  The Bears and 30,000 of what I assume were transplants, came into BofA stadium and after a quarter and a half of gloating received a pimp slap from a Panther defense that seemed to find its form once again.  I thoroughly enjoyed hearing the whining as I was exiting BofA stadium and I’ve been going commando ever since while making sales calls because it’s just such an awesome feeling.  Great job.  The 24 hour rule has come and gone and now we must focus our attention to the Bengals and a fan base that has purchased more 1978 Subaru Bi-drive Recreational All-terrain Transporters (aka Subaru Brats) than any other city in America. 

 

This game is hard to predict and our respective fan bases are very similar. Not to mention, our bad ass middle linebacker is from Cincy.  So to rag on them is to rag on ourselves.  Cincinnatians still think fanny packs are mainstream-awesome and Carolinians still believe cargo shorts are utilitarian-chic. I was in Cincy this summer for the Reds/Cards series during Taste of Cincy.  I chose to wear my best camouflage cargo jorts and you would have thought I was damn royalty visiting the (other) Queen City.  The locals could not wrap their minds around the camo/denim/cargo combo.  Meanwhile it was 95 degrees and every man woman and child from Cincy was wearing Zubaz zebra stripped pants and UB40 tshirts.  So our fan bases are really a wash.

 

I do have a serious bone to pick with the people of that Upper Kentucky/Lower Ohio (UKLO) crap hole though.  Because of the them and their ignorant “Who dey” chant, we have been forced to listen to bandwagon Saint fans chant their own illiterate twist, which was obviously plagiarized from Cincy.  Who Dey is dumb, but the rip off version, Who Dat, is f**king mind numbingly ignorant.  So a big thanks to Bengals fans for contributing to those dregs of society.  For that I will forever fart in the general direction of Cincinnati.  Cincinnati is unique.  It is the taint between the American Midwest and the American incest.  Where else can you play a game of cornhole in a Hampton Inn parking lot with a drunk redneck proudly bragging that ONLY 2 of his 3 sons are in jail?  Cross the river into Covington, KY and women are judged not by how smart or hot they are, but by how many White Castle French fries they can fit into their belly button.  The entire city bases its culture and education paradigm off chili.  And it’s not good chili, its chili made with cocoa powder as a base ingredient.  Then, as if the cholesterol levels aren't high enough, they pile enough cheddar on top of the chili to make a topless female Steeler fan say “God damn that’s a lot of cheese!”.  Needless to say, to be a Cottonelle Fresh Care Flushable Moist Wipes salesmen in Cincy is to live like a king.  Thanks to a female population that resembles the lesbian love child of Rosie O’Donnel  and Ayn Rand (google her image), Cincy gave birth to Enzyte, a boner pill made popular by Smiling Bob.  The owner of the nutraceutical company that sold the product was later jailed for being a conniving twit that stole money from limp dicked Americans.  But at least the guy marketed a product that helped Cincinnatians get laid.  Prior to the pill, the Cincy mating ritual involved Goetta sausage and making fart noises with your armpit.

 

As for the game this Sunday, our Panthers are going to be tested.  The series between the two teams is tied at 2-2 with the Bengals beating us in BofA the last time we played.  I think Pickles Clausen was slinging the rock for us in that game.  Good god what a bad memory.  Cincy has a bad ass defense and a gun slinging ginger with blond pubes.  A weird combo but one that is efficient and sought after in Covington bars.  The Red Rifle will air it out to one of the best WRs in the game, AJ Green.  When Annie is not tossing the ball or tossing salad, he is handing it off to a quick ass RB in Giovanni Bernard behind a fantastic Oline.  But what I saw this past Sunday was a defense that is starting to wake up and find its identity.  Luke will be on a mission, back in his hometown.  He might have 372 tackles on Sunday.  I think KK will continue to show why Gman drafted him and our DBs will keep everything in front of them.  Cam is starting to look better every week on that ankle and his passing to our IMPROVED receiving core will be a key to the game.  Our offense will do just enough to keep us in the game and I think the end result favors Cargo Short Nation.  Cincy fans will go home crying in their mustard stained Zubaz pants.

 

Panthers 24

Bengals 21

 
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I actually liked the Brats... but I'm a Subaru fan. 

 

Buddy is a Cincy fan living in Dayton. He met his wife at School here in NC. They have a male offspring who is constantly covered in OSU poo. He put said offspring in Bengals gear shortly after birth as well.....

I fixed the problem and sent his wife a Cam Newton onesie (TJ Max can be fun sometimes). He sent me quite a few text stating how his son will never wear it etc... Shortly after I received a photo text from his wife of her son in the Cam Newton Jersey.

 

Guess what my Facebook profile picture will be this Sunday?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This game is hard to predict and our respective fan bases are very similar. Not to mention, our bad ass middle linebacker is from Cincy.  So to rag on them is to rag on ourselves.  Cincinnatians still think fanny packs are mainstream-awesome and Carolinians still believe cargo shorts are utilitarian-chic. I was in Cincy this summer for the Reds/Cards series during Taste of Cincy.  I chose to wear my best camouflage cargo jorts and you would have thought I was damn royalty visiting the (other) Queen City.  The locals could not wrap their minds around the camo/denim/cargo combo. 

 

Camo/Denim/Cargo would be a better username for you than SCP.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


  • PMH4OWPW7JD2TDGWZKTOYL2T3E.jpg

  • Topics

  • Posts

    • Just because all draft picks are a gamble doesn't mean you don't have a better chance at hitting on a better player the higher you're drafting. It would literally be like someone saying, I'll give you 1 or 2 free spins on a slot machine, and you say you'll take the 1 because you're not likely to win anything anyways with 1 or 2, so why bother? The Cowboys desperately wanted T-Mac, but because they were 4 picks behind us, they weren't able to get him.  If you told Cowboys fans that had they lost 2 more games last year in a lost season, that it would get them the player they wanted so badly, would they in retrospect go back and lose those games to get their guy? 95% of them would take that trade off in a heartbeat, and the others who wouldn't are the fans who would rather enjoy an extra win or two in a poo season to then set themselves up to be better for the next decade. I also think the fans who argue against this thinking, get too caught up in the "well that means you're going to be rooting against us late in the season even if we still have a shot at the playoffs." Which isn't true, it's saying if you're telling me right now we'd make the playoffs but lose in the first round, that I'd rather end up 8-9 or 9-8 and just miss the playoffs because in our opinion, the benefits that come along with that outweigh the benefit of the players getting 1 game of playoff experience.
    • In relation to tanking. I think you can count on one hand the number of people here who actually want us to lose football games. When accounting for it across the fanbase it amounts to maybe 2% of the entire Panthers fanbase. But you engage with some internet trolls and think haters are coming out of the woodwork and hey look at that it's all a conspiracy that leads to Bryce Young haters. Do you hear yourself sir? If it sounds ridiculous that's because it is. I mean at this point do you see Bryce haters in your dreams? As far as the culture of this franchise goes we seem to be doing better in that department via what we are building right now and with the people we have in place. But we also shouldn't just make assumptions just yet either. The rubber still needs to meet the road. And going back to previous seasons I think we can acknowledge although tanking obviously isn't a thing there were some times where we thought our culture was improving but really it wasn't. Yes I'm looking directly at some of those wins under Wilks. If the culture had truly changed we would not have lost to the Steelers who have been mediocre for years at home the way we did and they were starting Mitch Trubisky ffs. We did not change our culture for the better and we won games that ultimately meant nothing. It was just a brief mirage. We've done this for years now. The harsh truth of the matter is the Panthers have not had a winning season or been to the playoffs in going on 8 years but in those years they've been trying to convince themselves they aren't poo but in the process all they've done throughout most of that time period is squander better draft position and we were still the worst team in the league for our troubles. At the end of the day we should be able to just be adults and reconcile with that. And no that isn't being "pro tank" or any other boogeyman term it's simply recognizing reality.
    • He's an asset in a game manager role. But as soon as you have to ask him to go out there and try to make plays and not just take what the defense is giving him... well, Darnolding happens.
×
×
  • Create New...