Cincinnati Bungles week

[SCP]

Well dip my sack in peanut butter and drop me off at the dog pound, son of a bitch if we didn't bounce back and win a game this past weekend.  Feels good.  Feels real good.  The Bears and 30,000 of what I assume were transplants, came into BofA stadium and after a quarter and a half of gloating received a pimp slap from a Panther defense that seemed to find its form once again.  I thoroughly enjoyed hearing the whining as I was exiting BofA stadium and I’ve been going commando ever since while making sales calls because it’s just such an awesome feeling.  Great job.  The 24 hour rule has come and gone and now we must focus our attention to the Bengals and a fan base that has purchased more 1978 Subaru Bi-drive Recreational All-terrain Transporters (aka Subaru Brats) than any other city in America. 

 

This game is hard to predict and our respective fan bases are very similar. Not to mention, our bad ass middle linebacker is from Cincy.  So to rag on them is to rag on ourselves.  Cincinnatians still think fanny packs are mainstream-awesome and Carolinians still believe cargo shorts are utilitarian-chic. I was in Cincy this summer for the Reds/Cards series during Taste of Cincy.  I chose to wear my best camouflage cargo jorts and you would have thought I was damn royalty visiting the (other) Queen City.  The locals could not wrap their minds around the camo/denim/cargo combo.  Meanwhile it was 95 degrees and every man woman and child from Cincy was wearing Zubaz zebra stripped pants and UB40 tshirts.  So our fan bases are really a wash.

 

I do have a serious bone to pick with the people of that Upper Kentucky/Lower Ohio (UKLO) crap hole though.  Because of the them and their ignorant “Who dey” chant, we have been forced to listen to bandwagon Saint fans chant their own illiterate twist, which was obviously plagiarized from Cincy.  Who Dey is dumb, but the rip off version, Who Dat, is f**king mind numbingly ignorant.  So a big thanks to Bengals fans for contributing to those dregs of society.  For that I will forever fart in the general direction of Cincinnati.  Cincinnati is unique.  It is the taint between the American Midwest and the American incest.  Where else can you play a game of cornhole in a Hampton Inn parking lot with a drunk redneck proudly bragging that ONLY 2 of his 3 sons are in jail?  Cross the river into Covington, KY and women are judged not by how smart or hot they are, but by how many White Castle French fries they can fit into their belly button.  The entire city bases its culture and education paradigm off chili.  And it’s not good chili, its chili made with cocoa powder as a base ingredient.  Then, as if the cholesterol levels aren't high enough, they pile enough cheddar on top of the chili to make a topless female Steeler fan say “God damn that’s a lot of cheese!”.  Needless to say, to be a Cottonelle Fresh Care Flushable Moist Wipes salesmen in Cincy is to live like a king.  Thanks to a female population that resembles the lesbian love child of Rosie O’Donnel  and Ayn Rand (google her image), Cincy gave birth to Enzyte, a boner pill made popular by Smiling Bob.  The owner of the nutraceutical company that sold the product was later jailed for being a conniving twit that stole money from limp dicked Americans.  But at least the guy marketed a product that helped Cincinnatians get laid.  Prior to the pill, the Cincy mating ritual involved Goetta sausage and making fart noises with your armpit.

 

As for the game this Sunday, our Panthers are going to be tested.  The series between the two teams is tied at 2-2 with the Bengals beating us in BofA the last time we played.  I think Pickles Clausen was slinging the rock for us in that game.  Good god what a bad memory.  Cincy has a bad ass defense and a gun slinging ginger with blond pubes.  A weird combo but one that is efficient and sought after in Covington bars.  The Red Rifle will air it out to one of the best WRs in the game, AJ Green.  When Annie is not tossing the ball or tossing salad, he is handing it off to a quick ass RB in Giovanni Bernard behind a fantastic Oline.  But what I saw this past Sunday was a defense that is starting to wake up and find its identity.  Luke will be on a mission, back in his hometown.  He might have 372 tackles on Sunday.  I think KK will continue to show why Gman drafted him and our DBs will keep everything in front of them.  Cam is starting to look better every week on that ankle and his passing to our IMPROVED receiving core will be a key to the game.  Our offense will do just enough to keep us in the game and I think the end result favors Cargo Short Nation.  Cincy fans will go home crying in their mustard stained Zubaz pants.

 

Panthers 24

Bengals 21

 

[Lumps]

Usually don't care for your weekly posts but....this one lmao

I think you're getting better

[Marc Anthony]

How do you come up with this stuff? Anyway funny as hell. Great job!

[The NFL Shield At Midfield]

Well dip my sack in peanut butter and drop me off at the dog pound

 

gold star

[lola]

You made me snort. Snort. Outstanding.

[KissMyConverse]

I actually liked the Brats... but I'm a Subaru fan. 

 

Buddy is a Cincy fan living in Dayton. He met his wife at School here in NC. They have a male offspring who is constantly covered in OSU poo. He put said offspring in Bengals gear shortly after birth as well.....

I fixed the problem and sent his wife a Cam Newton onesie (TJ Max can be fun sometimes). He sent me quite a few text stating how his son will never wear it etc... Shortly after I received a photo text from his wife of her son in the Cam Newton Jersey.

 

Guess what my Facebook profile picture will be this Sunday?

[Mr Mojo Risin]

Nice

[Carl Spackler]

This game is hard to predict and our respective fan bases are very similar. Not to mention, our bad ass middle linebacker is from Cincy.  So to rag on them is to rag on ourselves.  Cincinnatians still think fanny packs are mainstream-awesome and Carolinians still believe cargo shorts are utilitarian-chic. I was in Cincy this summer for the Reds/Cards series during Taste of Cincy.  I chose to wear my best camouflage cargo jorts and you would have thought I was damn royalty visiting the (other) Queen City.  The locals could not wrap their minds around the camo/denim/cargo combo. 

 

Camo/Denim/Cargo would be a better username for you than SCP.

[Jase]

Skyline chili sucks balls.

[Mol3m4n]

Cincinnati Bungholes

[Gucci Mane]

Thank god I was in the break room..

[Jimmy]

Great once again.

[Khaki Lackey]

The red rifle is the nickname for a dog erection, not a QB.

Dalton will either have to win a meaningful game, or dye the black tiger stripes on his ginger head before he gets any respect from me.

[cookinwithgas]

I like Skyline. Gold Star is awful.

 

What is it, no one has beaten them at home in the regular season since 2012?

 

But someones gotta do it, why not us. I'll be there and let you all know how it goes.