Titans week: Shoney's will give you spinal bifida and Miley Cyrus has 'roids

[SCP]

Welp, we are 8-0.  Beating the Packers was a banner win for this franchise.  Aaron Rogers and those stupid cheese head losers thought they were going to walk in here and kick our ass.  Not so fast!  Like Bruce Banner, our o-line and d-line morphed into a beast that put an end to any hopes of a Packer victory.  The win Sunday and the ensuing nonsense brought about by the bandwagon family from Fayett-nam takes me back to the year 2000 when rapper David Banner penned a song entitled “Like a Pimp”.  There is a lyric in the song that goes They like the way me and Banner pimp, You can catch us at Pappa Deauxs eating steak and shrimp. We some south side pimps, And we aint giving a f**k.  Mr. Banner spoke the truth and I co-sign his lyrical genius.  We some southside pimps and keep your trashy ass signage out of our house you attention seeking ass clown.  But I digress.  All signs continue to point to a fantastic season for our boys in black and blue and it has been 4 days since we snatched that W from the naysayers.  Now we get to move on to a team and a fan base that receives even less attention and national respect than our Panthers and Panther fans. 

In some ways I have a soft spot in my heart for these toothless jack wagons because they have to deal with the same nonsense we do when a national team visits what ever the hell their stadium is called.  Their owner flipped off a bunch of Steeler fans from his stadium suite a few years ago and for that I salute the old bastard.  I would feel more pity for them but there are a few teams that I never-in-a-million years think about unless they are on our schedule every 4 years which sounds stupid but is true.  The Titans are one of those teams.  If somebody asks me to name all 32 NFL teams, I always forget Tennessee, Minnesota, and Houston.  When I think of Tennessee I think of the Vols.  I think of Nashville being the first city to succumb to the Union forces before the war.  I think of meth labs in the back of Exxon stations. I think of Ned beatty grabbing his ankles and squealing like a pig.  I think of a 600lb woman with facial hair and a goiter restocking the green beans on the Shoney’s breakfast buffet and threatening to kick your ass for asking for more cornbread.  I think of prom dinners at Western Sizzler.   I think of Miley Cyrus belting out the chorus of Achy Breaky Heart while taking a nasty white trash poop in the back room of the Grand Ole Opry.  I think of a 1982 Pontiac Bonneville with a handmade cardboard “Tag Applied For” license plate taped to the back window and 7 inbred hill jacks, arms out the windows, hanging onto a mattress they just picked out of a construction dumpster in the parking lot of a remodeled Super 8 motel.  I think of strip bars where the girls are pregnant and work for menthols.  I think of Al Gore in his palatial mansion lambasting guys like me for driving V8 pick up trucks to the grocery store to buy eggs.  But the absolute last thing I think about is an NFL football team.

I was not going to create a thread this week because I like Nashville and it’s hard to hate on a team and fan base that goes through the same garbage we have to go through at BofA stadium.  I’ve been traveling and drinking and working and I have had some serious diarrhea the last few days thanks to the nine Lagunita’s IPAs and sketchy pork nachos I ate at Jake Melnicks in Chicago. But people started mentioning a streak and I can’t mess with a streak.  The helmet is still in place so we are good.    The Panthers are 8-0 and its f*cking go time.  It’s time for this fan base to follow the lead of RoaringRiot and man up.  It’s freaking time for the Panthers to put together a four quarter game.  So in lieu of a weekly smack thread, I just want you to watch this video.

https://youtu.be/lEOOZDbMrgE

So I apologize for not bringing the weekly noise this week but this is a business weekend.  We will face a team that is better than their record might indicate.  Blah blah blah.  Insert cliche here.  I don’t give a damn what Marcus Mariotta is going to be someday, right now he is a rookie and our defense is pretty damned good.  We had Aaron Rogers panicking in the pocket and he is the most mobile QB in the league.  Our defensive line is going to feast folks.  Our offense will be in for a battle but I think we can get turnovers against that Titans offense.  Number 24 is due.  Hey Titans fans, make sure you wrap up before banging your sister.

Panthers 27
Titans 14

 

[The Huddler]

 

God I love these posts

[Mr. Scot]

Okay SCP, I get the others but how can you forget the Vikings?  They're a historic franchise.

[Udogg]

It's officially on!!!!!!!

Makes me feel so much better going into games.

SCP post

Zod "OFFICIAL" game day thread.

PU Love/hate/prediction/emotion/feelings/diary/prognostication/panicked/calm bashing post. 

 

[RevJ]

Love the Braveheart speech, trashing Nashville and even Miley.

 . . . prob would have gone without throwing in the (sic) children's birth defect in the title but it's likely that others will like that part.

 

[Datawire]

I felt an overwhelming need to add some illustration to this post. I couldn't find a Bonneville though. =(

[frash.exe]

Their team colors are milquetoast

[Darth Biscuit]

Seriously had a hard time finishing reading it bc my eyes were watering from laughing...

 

Possibly the best one to date...  bravo.

[Montsta]

The consistent incorporation of the word "banner"?

I see what you did there, and I like it. 

[PntherPryd]

Quote

When I think of Tennessee .......   I think of Miley Cyrus belting out the chorus of Achy Breaky Heart while taking a nasty white trash poop in the back room of the Grand Ole Opry. 

 

Can

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Glad you "like" Nashville or I would have to gauge my eyes out today!  Another instant classic.  You need to put all of these in a compilation and sell as a coffee table book.

 

[arbnranger]

[Anybodyhome]

Okay, it's not a Bonneville..... but a station wagon with the fake wood trim!

 

 

 

[TNPanther]

1 hour ago, SCP said:

When I think of Tennessee I think of the Vols.  I think of Nashville being the first city to succumb to the Union forces before the war.  I think of meth labs in the back of Exxon stations. I think of Ned beatty grabbing his ankles and squealing like a pig.  I think of a 600lb woman with facial hair and a goiter restocking the green beans on the Shoney’s breakfast buffet and threatening to kick your ass for asking for more cornbread.  I think of prom dinners at Western Sizzler.   I think of Miley Cyrus belting out the chorus of Achy Breaky Heart while taking a nasty white trash poop in the back room of the Grand Ole Opry.  I think of a 1982 Pontiac Bonneville with a handmade cardboard “Tag Applied For” license plate taped to the back window and 7 inbred hill jacks, arms out the windows, hanging onto a mattress they just picked out of a construction dumpster in the parking lot of a remodeled Super 8 motel.  I think of strip bars where the girls are pregnant and work for menthols.  I think of Al Gore in his palatial mansion lambasting guys like me for driving V8 pick up trucks to the grocery store to buy eggs.  

I am from Tennessee, and all of this is factual.

Also, I would like to share this gem from my personal collection:

[The Saltman]