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Deadspin: Why your Team Sucks - Carolina Panthers Edition

d-dave

By d-dave,
in Carolina Panthers

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Moorgan Enthusiast

Moorgan

Posted
Posted

I thought this fan comment was funny:

I hope the man I saw who spent ten minutes roaming around Safeway the week after screaming OMAHA like a goddamn lunatic got leprosy. I hope every man, woman and child I see in Broncos championship gear when I’m out hiking (they legally require you to do that here, I’m pretty sure) falls off the nearest cliff. I hope Von Miller suffers a career ending injury in a tragic chicken farm stampede. Most importantly, I hope insurance covers my broken hands after I punch 14 brick walls when Cam shreds his ACL in front of my own tortured eyes here in this shitass town in Week 1.

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nctarheel0619 Newbie

nctarheel0619

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Posted

Lastly, the Panthers suck because they tie the Carolinas together, like South Carolina is something to be proud of. The last time South Carolina was important to the course of this country, people were allowed to own other people and the South Carolinians threw a bitch fit when it was suggested that maybe that wasn’t OK anymore.

Make fun of South Carolina sometime, they’ll ask if you’ve been to Charleston. Charleston is a haughty, overpriced town so far up its own rectum that it should be renamed East San Francisco. The only reason to go to South Carolina is to purchase fireworks that go more than 3 feet off the ground, which are illegal here because the North Carolina state legislature is too busy protecting us from the gays to allow any sort of fun within the borders of our fair state.

Yeah, I agree with this actually.  

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Eazy-E Mentor

Eazy-E

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9 minutes ago, nctarheel0619 said:

Lastly, the Panthers suck because they tie the Carolinas together, like South Carolina is something to be proud of. The last time South Carolina was important to the course of this country, people were allowed to own other people and the South Carolinians threw a bitch fit when it was suggested that maybe that wasn’t OK anymore.

Make fun of South Carolina sometime, they’ll ask if you’ve been to Charleston. Charleston is a haughty, overpriced town so far up its own rectum that it should be renamed East San Francisco. The only reason to go to South Carolina is to purchase fireworks that go more than 3 feet off the ground, which are illegal here because the North Carolina state legislature is too busy protecting us from the gays to allow any sort of fun within the borders of our fair state.

Yeah, I agree with this actually.  

I live in Charleston and I agree. 

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Cookie Lyon Mentor

Cookie Lyon

Posted
Posted
14 minutes ago, nctarheel0619 said:

Lastly, the Panthers suck because they tie the Carolinas together, like South Carolina is something to be proud of. The last time South Carolina was important to the course of this country, people were allowed to own other people and the South Carolinians threw a bitch fit when it was suggested that maybe that wasn’t OK anymore.

Make fun of South Carolina sometime, they’ll ask if you’ve been to Charleston. Charleston is a haughty, overpriced town so far up its own rectum that it should be renamed East San Francisco. The only reason to go to South Carolina is to purchase fireworks that go more than 3 feet off the ground, which are illegal here because the North Carolina state legislature is too busy protecting us from the gays to allow any sort of fun within the borders of our fair state.

Yeah, I agree with this actually.  

LOL! I like how you conveniently left out the first part of his comment.

Hmmmm I wonder why.

Quote

The Panthers suck in part because of the teenagers I teach (in North Carolina, mind you) who ask if I’m a bandwagoner because I cheer for the Panthers. I sat through the 1-15 2001 season—my mother bought me a Panthers sweatshirt for Christmas that year and apologized to me when I opened it—but I have to be a bandwagoner because 90% of the fanbase will evaporate the next time the team goes 8-8.

The Panthers suck because half the fanbase was not sold on Cam Newton until he led the team to the Super Bowl, while the other half still isn’t sold on Cam Newton because he didn’t win the damn thing.

The Panthers suck because they have existed for 21 seasons, have won 3 straight division titles, but still have not ever put together 2 consecutive winning seasons.

 

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