The Last Rites of Dan Quinn (or How I Learned to Love This Team)

[Seltzer]

Going into this season, I have never been more down as a Panthers fan.  An all-new coaching staff, almost unprecedented turnover (including most of our star players), a limited offseason and training camp amid a global pandemic, and just a general malaise concerning the Panthers' outlook (at least in the short-term).

But after 4 short weeks, and although the Panthers are nowhere near a finished product, we can see a plan.  A real plan, one that can built on and sustained, for perhaps the first time in franchise history.

And while I am all-about looking to the future this season, there is one thing from the near-past that continues to stick in my ever-aging craw.

For the past 5 seasons, this pathetic cast of characters...

• Arthur Blank- A man who has spent his life dressed as a Rhett Butler cosplay character
• Dan Quinn- A man who looks like the 2nd shift supervisor at UPS who rode Pete Carroll's coattails into prominence and Kyle Shanahan's acumen into a Super Bowl appearance 
• Thomas Dimitroff-  A conflicted hipster/ass-kiss that I could best describe as a grundle stain

Have somehow inexplicably owned the Panthers, with a head-to-head record of 8-2.

Maybe it's because we had this cast of characters...

 

But those days are over.  We finally have the owner with the brass balls and endless pockets, an owner who will accept nothing less than being the best.  A man who kicked Rivera's mediocrity to the curb.  A man who hired the coaching staff who have put together the biggest positive surprise in the NFL.

 

This Sunday, we put the nail in the coffin of what's left of Dan Quinn's "Brotherhood" of powderpuff queens, starting with Matt Ryan's pansy ass.  

A Ryan-led squad that has consistently choked harder than Heinrich Himmler on a cyanide tablet.

We will make the I-85 Rivalry Great Again, and return to our rightful perch as the team from up North who comes down like Sherman once a year to lay waste to the colossal bird's nest that is Arthur's Anus.

Why will this be different you ask?  Good question...

Because we now have the Sun God Ra on our side, scoring TD's and demoralizing secondaries such that we haven't seen since Smitty

Because we have Spiderman terrorizing backfields on his way to becoming one of the best edge-rushers in the game

Because we have the best damn rookie draft class in the NFL

Because it is our time... 

 

Because we are that TOUGH-ASS FOOTBALL TEAM, and we're going to prove it Sunday.

Dan Quinn's regime is just our first target.  Other than going to 3-2, nothing will make me happier than to see that smug doofus get his walking papers.

 

The Atlanta Failclowns, 31

Your Carolina Panthers, 37

 

Let's Fugging Go... Keep Pounding!

[Basbear]

<turns on safe search and googles grundle stain>

[jfra78]

[kungfoodude]

Post of the year nominated.

 

SCP-esque.

[jfra78]

7 minutes ago, kungfoodude said:

Post of the year nominated.

 

SCP-esque.

I thought so too

[RenoCarolina]

18 minutes ago, kungfoodude said:

Post of the year nominated.

 

SCP-esque.

scp would not have predicted they would score 31, otherwise spot on!

 

[JawnyBlaze]

I don’t agree with everything but epic post bud, bravo!

[1of10Charnatives]

I second the nomination for post of the year.

This was pure fuging poetry.

Some Bill Shakespeare on Monster type poo.

You had me at: “Arthur Blank, a man who has spent his life dressed as a Rhett Butler cosplay character.”

Epic.

[onmyown]

Gets me pumped..god damn I hate the Falcons with an unrelenting passion

[PhillyB]

boom

[Move the Panthers to Raleigh]

Pretty good, but Hurney remains from our old “cast of characters “. His tomfoolery will continue to hold us back.