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Panthers if they were cars

Towelboy

By Towelboy,
in Carolina Panthers

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Ricky Prickles Grand Master

Ricky Prickles

Posted
Posted
19 minutes ago, TNPanther said:

I'd liken Bryce to a Nissan Versa - tiny, no power, no exceptional features, somewhat nimble but not great, and gets blown around by a gust of wind. Somehow, its owner got swindled into trading 3 other new cars for it straight-up.

Tepper is a late-2000's Subaru Impreza  - an asshole car that constantly blows a gasket and may spew fluids at you.

Scott Fitterer is a Chevy Traverse with a blown engine - a bloated pig that is utterly useless.

Brian Burns is a current-generation Toyota Supra - extremely overrated by amateurs, thinks it's worth more than it is, not truly the brand it's advertised to be, but still has speed on the edge.

Derrick Brown is a Toyota 4Runner - rock solid, reliable, brute force to be reckoned with.

Miles Sanders is a current-gen Ford Bronco - severly overpaid for by its current owners, performs like poo, but looks good in its uniform.

Adam Thielen is 250,000-mile plus Honda Civic SI - reliable, quick, nimble, fun to watch, but only has a few more years on the road and on its 2nd owner.

Jaycee Horn is a Jaguar of any year or model - performs well when active, but sits in the shop for most of its life.

Finally, Ickey is a Challenger Hellcat - can match opponents in a power-against-power contest, but those with good handling will run circles around it.

 

I'm a car nerd.

I'm impressed by your assessments. You most definitely know your cars and your Panthers for that matter!

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Riverboat Ron Mentor

Riverboat Ron

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, LinvilleGorge said:

Bryce Young is a Smart car. Tiny, terrible performance measurables, but the owners think they're super innovative and ahead of the curve while everyone else laughs at them.

Except at least a Smart car is capable of going the speed limit. Bryce is a Smart car speed limited at about 35mph and he's out there on I-85 with 18 wheelers flying by at 80.

Goddamn

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Gapanthersfan Veteran

Gapanthersfan

Posted
Posted

Bryce is a Scion xa. It starts every time, but regardless of the hype, it is exactly what it looks like. 

I have a 2013 Lexus GX 460 with 172,000. 5,500 lb V8 AWD premium gas drinking dinosaur, and I love every bit of it. It’s the best Toyota I’ve ever owned, and I’ve owned a lot. Easily 350-400k miles capable. This is Calias Campbell. 

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Paa Langfart Grand Master

Paa Langfart

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, PghPanther said:

Tepper is a Ford Pinto stopped at an intersection just about to get verbally rear ended by a fan.......

My folks had a Pinto station wagon, and when my car was down for repair I drove it while  in high school.  It was a beautiful poo brown color and my friends called it the " rattlebox ".

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TNPanther Rising Star

TNPanther

Posted
Posted

I forgot to add:

DJ Chark is a VW Golf GTI with a failing clutch master cylinder - he's unreliable, but fast and effective when he gets going, but that's IF he gets going.

Frank Reich was a 2008 Mercedes C Class- tired, decrepit, somewhat effective in its day 10 ish years ago, but mainly made its name off of its peers and now resides in the junkyard after 5 different owners.

Stephon Gilmore was a very nice used rental car from Turo.

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Basbear Grand Master

Basbear

Posted
Posted (edited)
6 hours ago, TNPanther said:

I'd liken Bryce to a Nissan Versa - tiny, no power, no exceptional features, somewhat nimble but not great, and gets blown around by a gust of wind. Somehow, its owner got swindled into trading 3 other new cars for it straight-up.

Tepper is a late-2000's Subaru Impreza  - an asshole car that constantly blows a gasket and may spew fluids at you.

Scott Fitterer is a Chevy Traverse with a blown engine - a bloated pig that is utterly useless.

Brian Burns is a current-generation Toyota Supra - extremely overrated by amateurs, thinks it's worth more than it is, not truly the brand it's advertised to be, but still has speed on the edge.

Derrick Brown is a Toyota 4Runner - rock solid, reliable, brute force to be reckoned with.

Miles Sanders is a current-gen Ford Bronco - severly overpaid for by its current owners, performs like poo, but looks good in its uniform.

Adam Thielen is 250,000-mile plus Honda Civic SI - reliable, quick, nimble, fun to watch, but only has a few more years on the road and on its 2nd owner.

Jaycee Horn is a Jaguar of any year or model - performs well when active, but sits in the shop for most of its life.

Finally, Ickey is a Challenger Hellcat - can match opponents in a power-against-power contest, but those with good handling will run circles around it.

 

I'm a car nerd.

As a former car guy, the horn jaguar comp is right-on-spot.jpg.f7989cedfbb344acab8e691b0f231690.jpg

 

Edited by Basbear
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