White Trash Bash: The Mile High Reckoning Edition

[Seltzer]

Save a small speed bump in the filthy bowels of the Georgia Dome, the magical journey of the 2015 Carolina Panthers continued unabated towards Levi's Stadium and the Ultimate Glory of Super Bowl 50.  We had conquered the source of so many close defeats in years past by beating Russell Wilson's God Squad not once, but twice, and then exorcised one of our oldest demons by destroying Arizona in the NFC Championship and giving the meltdown curse of Jake Delhomme another soul to inhabit in Carson Palmer.

 

Then in 3 short hours the greatest ephemeral buzz of my sports life faded into a hangover that has taken months to shake.  Like many of my fellow Panthers brethren, I have not been able to endure rewatching even a single play from the Super Bowl.  The worst of the images are seared in my mind, like a drunk and horny Rex Ryan let loose in a pedicure salon. 

And now rather than reward us with an Opening Weekend home game, the NFL is sending us to the remote lily-white outpost of Denver, CO.  A city that is literally a plane trip away from other civilization.  A city with demographic diversity on par with Iceland.  A city whose mayor and state whose governor were KKK members as late as 1925.

• Where the only thing brown you'll find is the grass and landscape workers

• Where the dry air will have your lips as crackly and dry as Hillary Clinton's hooha.

• Where the Kum & Go is literally a place where you can score a hooker and some gas station nachos to celebrate afterwards.  

• Where the city prides itself on the nickname "Menver"

menver

a nickname for the city of denver, because men outnumber women drastically...

dude 1: you guys wanna hit up denver this summer?

dude 2: you mean menver? f*ck no!

 

#denver #menver #sausage #sausagefest #cock #balls #dudes #fest #colorado

 

And yes, Robin Williams is absolutely playing Mork the gay Denver Broncos fan there 

• Where the White Trash Bash is celebrated without irony

And the birthplace of the Denver Broncos, a franchise whose General Manager and former QB is literally morphing into the mascot before our very eyes.

Ah, the Denver Broncos

• The place where John Fox went to die and then was resurrected by The Golden Calf of Bristol.

• A fan based whose Wonder-Bread hued constitutes embraced Tebowmania faster than the KKK embraced Donald Trump

• A place where the thin-air caused  Peyton Manning HGH-related forehead growth more pronounced than Barry Bonds

Well, here's a little truth I'm going to drop on you about the 2016 Carolina Panthers...  Last year is finally in the past, and the Mile High Day of Reckoning is nigh..

The only White Trash Bash left on the schedule for Denver happens tonight!!

•  Aquib Talib is going to learn real fast that KB ain't nothing to eff with.  

• Wade Phillips is going to learn his cute little blue dog/ green dog blitz BS isn't going to work without Danny Trevathan & Malik Jackson and a healthy Andrew Norwell & Trai Turner.  Remmers is not going to be left out to dry again.

• KK Short & Kony Ealy are going to introduce Trevor Semian to the Mile High turf early & often.

• TD & Luke are going to shut down CJ Anderson and make life easy for our secondary.

• And Cam Newton is going to show the world why he is the reigning MVP and the most dynamic QB threat of all time.

• Carolina Panthers 23, Orange Muff 16

PS- I will never be able to take the great SCP's place, but we can't start the season without a thread like this...

 

 

[The_Light_Brigade]

I've got to give it to you. It's not bad. 

[Your GFs favorite huddler]

came in expecting a half assed scp wanna be....left pleasently suprised! 

[PhillyB]

[LinvilleGorge]

Lived her for 10 years and was really hoping to go to this game but tickets were insane. Really wished that this would've been later in the season. Fans are still on cloud nine from their SB win and hopeful. I don't think it's sunk into many of then yet that they're probably gonna struggle this year. Tickets would've been much easier to come by if this game was on the second half of the schedule. 

[SurfNTurf]

3 minutes ago, LinvilleGorge said:

Lived her for 10 years and was really hoping to go to this game but tickets were insane. Really wished that this would've been later in the season. Fans are still on cloud nine from their SB win and hopeful. I don't think it's sunk into many of then yet that they're probably gonna struggle this year. Tickets would've been much easier to come by if this game was on the second half of the schedule. 

Tickets are available for $130-150ish. Price dropped a lot this week.

[cookinwithgas]

A for effort! This stuff is harder than it looks and it was a good first effort!.

[Seltzer]

Just now got the pictures to all post... should have previewed before posting...

[UpstatePanther]

It definitely moved alittle...

[d-dave]

Good first effort!  I salute your bravery!

[Jase]

I like that you did your own thing and didn't try to be SCP.  Well done.

[PantherJD]

If you can get us a win over Denver, you're the new official trash talker - no offense SCP.

[Udogg]

Hmm...you know what...

[Mvp2014]

that photo shopped image of peyton with no forehead is scary as hell.  That dude always had an OJ Simpson head